Just looking for some support from my forum members.

I have friends and family on the island of Maui. I go there and don't do the tourist sort of things (no offense to anyone). A friend of mine and his son go surfing, SUP, or snorkel pretty much every day I'm there when I go. Then I have another friend that has become Ohana (family) that I go and stay with a few days. Hang out with him and his sons. He's Filipino and it's sort of big deal to be accepted into his family, as extended family. Something I do not take lightly.

So I was supposed to go in April, as it's one of the least busy times there. I loathe the traffic and general "it's packed here" stuff of many of the other months. Covid hits, and I rescheduled my trip 4 different times until finally, the governor changed the quarantine rules. I was going to go for a month, spend 2 weeks in quarantine at my friend's apartment with him and his son then have 2 weeks of freedom. A friend in another state has timeshare in Maui and fortunately for me he is a very generous guy and gives me a week of free stay at his timeshare in Kaanapali and refuses to accept a dime. This year, since he didn't go, and nobody in his family did either, he gave me 2 weeks, and ocean front to boot.

So I fly over. First week I work, and stay in my friend's small apartment. October is hot and humid, and he lives in Kihei. So I'm on an air mattress, no AC, and sleep with a computer fan sweating to sleep every night. A PITA but a small thing to put up with in the grand scheme of things. While there the first week I work. 5 hours time difference to home so I'm up at 3am and some change every morning to get up and work. Me and early mornings don't belong, like tits on a boar. So it was a rough week but I managed to work out at the local gym there after getting vibed, having to show my covid test, state exemption paperwork, etc. Then I managed to get into the water a few days, paddle, and belly surf. But it was a tough week.

So that first week goes by. We hit that Friday night and some Maui Brewing bikini lagers are in order. My favorite brew even though I don't drink like I used to. I get to hang out and meet some of the residents with interesting conversations at the complex and had a great night with me ending up on the beach by myself, in a beach chair, sipping some beers and viewing that beautiful night sky of Maui. Some nights it's literally an Astrological event. I've been before and some nights you can see the Milky Way, and so many stars it makes nights in the country of TX look like child's play. There is a reason there are major telescopes/Observatories on Maui and the Big Island. Get up Saturday, head to Kaanapali, to get my own room with AC, balcony, and ocean front. The dream begins. I'm there hours early hoping and begging for early check in. Check in is supposed to be at 4pm. I'm there around noon. I check in, have to give the resort my state exemption form, answer a bunch of questions, etc. I get my keys to the room with no room number but full access to the property. So I go down to one of the pools, get in the water to get wet (hot and humid in October there) and go to sleep on one of the chairs. I get a call at 2pm that I'm clear, get my room number, and off I stagger (tired as hell) to find it. My friend really hooked me up. 4th story ocean front, balcony, with a direct view of Lanai and the boardwalk. The dream begins. I've worked since I was 10, and have never had more than 1 week of paid time off in my life. I worked 22 months straight with no days off to buy myself the PTO to take a break from my life. Lost a close friend early this year, heart attack. Then lost my father in late March when Covid began.

I get up to my room, and just want to crank the AC down and go to sleep for like a day. But I take a shower, hit some wonderful Hawaiian coffee and get my second wind. Off to an hour drive to Costco to supply up. When I'm there I don't eat out sans some Foodland Poke. I prefer to save myself the money, supply up at Costco (almost mainland prices), get fuel, etc so I can rent boards and do water/ocean stuff. I make the trip back to the other side of the island, supply up, then head back to my friend's place in Kihei to get my leftover groceries there. Talk a bit, then drive back to the West side of the island, and get everything loaded into the room. Beat to hell, about 9pm (missed sunset) I have a beer, then go into a coma like sleep with that AC cranked down to 68 degrees. I get up at 9:25 the next morning. One of the best feelings of my life. 2 week vacation, never happened for me before. Damn near 50 years to get to this point. I get up, crank on the shower, excited for SUP and surfing for 2 weeks with a lot of "do absolutely nothing" planned. Well that lasted 5 minutes. I get a text from my cousin (that I don't talk to much) that ma-ma is in the hospital on a vent, Covid-19. My Aunt is the mother I never had. I've only got to know her over the last 5 years. When my father (who I barely knew) got sick and got put into a home, she had searched me out and left me a note in my mailbox as she lives in the country here, but relatively local. So for 5 years we built a relationship, and she has been the only family (sane) that I have really ever had. I get instructed that there is nothing I can do, nobody can see her. And my cousin says she thought I should know. Her name is Marilyn, and I call her ma-ma due to her name and being my 2nd mother and really the only one as my biological mother is let's just say a real piece of work.

Immediately I'm destroyed. On the vent your changes are narrowing. I go to Mass in Lahaina, get vibed (they aren't real happy about visitors coming in) but make it through it, see the Priest and ask him to pray for my Aunt. That week I took my SUP lesson, and surf lesson, with Andy from 808 boards. My knees, ankles, chest, are still beat to fucking shit. I'm 6'2" and 230 (a lot of muscle not fat) and that SUP is difficult for someone my size, at least a newbie. 2 days later, I finally get up, and stand up on my own wave for the first time. Been surfing a number of times but on my belly. Standing up on my own wave is dream of 35 years going back to when I was a kid. I cannot describe the emotion of riding that first one on my own, standing up. Wave dies, I jump off, and between achieving a life goal and ma-ma being all fucked up, it was hard to hold back the tears. I make the trinity, and paddle back out to my instructor and pull myself together. I catch a few more, knees weakening every time, mostly from the SUP. We end up paddling in and I tell Andy, that's the best I can do. I was sleeping only a few hours a night. I hit Vigil Mass again the next day but go to Kapalua this time. No breeze that day so another Mass sweating like a whore in church. I talk to that Priest, he asks my name, ma-ma's name, wants detailed information and assures me he will pray for her. And I have to say, everyone I met at Sacred Heart was very kind, accommodating and welcoming. Stark contrast to Lahaina parish.

The rest of the two weeks I was absolutely worthless. Ma-ma, fucking election, my birthday, just too many things going on. I'm getting work calls, even on PTO (usual), and I'm like deal with it man. Can't handle that right now. I spent many nights on the beach in Kaanapali, in a chair with a beer in my hand, late at night, contemplating life, everything, in absolute solitude. Compared to being there before, it's 1/25th or 1/100th of the people, traffic, kids, etc. So looking back I was in the best spot, on the Earth, to deal with everything I think. The situation ruined the whole thing but looking back maybe it was for the best. Maybe if I was at home working, it would have been 100 times worse, no telling.

Well, I land back at home at 7:30am this past Sunday. For 2 weeks, it was supposed to be the trip of my life. But the dark cloud of death hung all over it. I did my best to compartmentalize but my real only family member, and the kindest family member I've ever had.... 4:15pm the same day she passes. What really cranks my crane is that she, my cousin, and her close friend went to a Casino in Oklahoma. They all got it there. From contact/touching. They know it's the spot because they all got it. Ma-ma gave it to her husband Jim too. Talking to my cousin I had to ask WTF they were doing at a Casino during all this? But you know, shit happens, can't get hung up on that. Is what it is. 2 old ladies, friends, have been cooped up for most of the year and just wanted to celebrate her friend's birthday. Can't blame them for wanting to do some semblance of regular life.

So Funeral is Friday. I'm speaking at the Eulogy. Bereavement time after, don't care if it pisses work off. I need my time. Family-less once again. Just asking for prayers and hoping typing this up, will free up some stress. Just a few days ago I was on the beach staring up at that beautiful Maui night sky just not knowing where I belong, contemplating life in general. Packing up, saying goodbye, getting myself to eat, getting myself to the airport and all the way back home was like learning to walk again or something. The night before I left looking at packing, loading up leftover groceries to drop at my family's place, drive around the island. Man that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do under the circumstances. Time to man up, be strong for the family and provide a cautionary tale. Screw the politics of it all. This shit is real. Ma-ma is gone. Time to pick up the pieces.

Thanks for listening/reading. I know we have several members that live on Maui. I had planned on reaching out to y'all to meet, have a meal or a drink, but I was in no condition to do so. I would have been a mess. Mahalo to you there.

My sincere condolences. There’s nothing worse than loosing someone close to you..

Hang in there brother.

I'm sorry for the loss of family. Positive thoughts sent your way. Be well.

I'm terribly sorry. This horrid disease has no sense of good or bad, it just infects and sometimes kills.

Dr. Jonathan Sacks, the former Chief Rabbi of England passed last weekend. He was once asked the famous question of "why bad things happen to good people" and as one who has lost loved ones to accidents, cancer, heart disease, and COVID, I found his answer instructive.

quote:

"G-d does not want us to understand why bad things happen to good people, because if we understood, we would be forced to accept that bad things happen to good people. And G-d does not want us to accept those bad things.

He wants us not to understand so that we will fight against the bad and the injustices of this world. And that is why there is no answer to that question. Because G-d has arranged that we shall never have an answer to that question".

God bless you, and bless your friends and family. May you find peace in this difficult time.

Me too, Sorry Pre for the loss of Ma-ma. It is obvious that was a rollacoaster and very difficult. You have my prayers.
May your Aunt RIP.

I hope you have others in your life to fall back on. That is a heavy load for you to bare.
Glad you came here to share and decompress some.

Do hang tough brother.

Prayers sent. Be thankful for the time you had and what you have.

Oh man. I’m so sorry. I was wondering why I had seen so little of you in our MotoGP thread. I just figured you were busy with work or something. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through. Words fail me.

On a positive note I am so glad to see you caught your first wave. It’s life changing eh? Stay with it, surfing is one of the best things you can do on this planet. It’s good for your body and soul.

Hang in there man.

Sir, I'm sorry for your loss. You will never get over losing someone close. My dads passing in 98 is still hurtful but I'm blessed for the wonderful times we had together.
Be Safe and don't suffer in silence. There is nothing wrong with speaking friends or counselors about the loss.

My grandfather was my best friend on this planet. I think for a little while in my life he was the only friend I had in this world. It’s been a few years since we lost him but even now if I think about him for too long I get very emotional. I don’t think the pain ever goes away. It sucks. Every now and then something will remind me of him and the pain returns. I don’t really have much advice to offer except to try and think about the good times and focus/fixate on that if you are able. That has been something that has helped me. I take comfort in remembering how proud my grandfather was of me and the good great times we had together.

What an emotional ordeal you've been through...

All I can do is ask God to give you strength and comfort. Take solace in the memories you have of Ma-ma and do what she would have you do---let how you live be a reflection of the love and guidance she gave you.

Prefontaine,
My sincere condolences to you and your extended family.
This sucks.

My condolences on your loss of MaMa.

Prayers for you and yours.

May your spirit be uplifted knowing your Ma Ma is looking upon you from beside the Throne.

God bless you and may he guide you Mama during her eternal slumber.

Kind thoughts and prayers out to you friend.

I am very sorry for your loss Prefontaine. You have my condolences.

My sincere condolences prefontaine.

My condolences for the loss of your Ma-ma.

My condolences.

Sorry to hear about your Aunt's passing. Sounds like she was a great person.

Condolences to you and your family.