Holdem,
As others mentioned, she can only be helped if she wants it. Is it possible that something happened a year ago that made her really take a good look at her life and reevaluate? Maybe a health situation, or a personal revelation?

Again, I agree with other posters that it’s probably best to meet her where she’s at today (emotionally) and try to hear her out. Are you close to her husband? Maybe he has some insight. Maybe he’s part of the problem. If she’s still holding down a job, she’s still operating on the rules of society, imho.

Does anyone in the family talk to her weekly and really see how she is? I’m not a big fan of labels, and it doesn’t sound like she is, either. One of my sibs has mental health issues and is no longer on meds. I speak with them weekly, and if it’s been too long since we’ve last talked and I can’t raise ‘em, I shoot a text to the spouse and request a response. So far, so good, but I am careful how I pose things, and in all honesty, they have tremendous insight into themselves and others (possibly due to all the therapy).


I’d wonder what the apprehension is about seeing the kids, though. The idea of connecting somewhere neutral is an excellent idea.. giving you both space to step back if necessary.
I wish you the best.


Petr,
I am heartbroken for your loss. I wish you peace and cherished memories to hold close. I’m so very sorry.

quote:

Originally posted by petr:
Our son took his life on Saturday.

OMG, I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine, and words fall me other than I am praying for you.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Get her in with a competent psychologist if she is willing.

I believe she does go to group consulting almost every day. I do not know if she sees someone on a one on one basis

quote:

Originally posted by Perception:
What specific behaviors does she have that are unwelcome around you and your family?

That's the thing, none. When she was around us, at least the last time, she was stable and happy. While I have seen her manic when she had her break, I have never seen her violent or do anything that would scare me.

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:
I imagine if everyone around me thought I was mentally ill and I disagreed, I'd be defensive too. I'd probably withdraw too.

When this happened, about a year ago, when she stopped her meds, it was her that sent us (family) texts and said she was going to work on herself and would be withdrawing for a while. Everyone said they understood and wished her the best and said we hoped to see her soon. I have texted here and there, saying we miss her, hope to see her soon. But there was no real discussion of her illness. Everything was fine one month, the next month, not so much.

quote:

Originally posted by Cookster:
I think that I would consider or attempt to get together with them sooner rather than later.

She is only a 45-60 minute drive away, so I probably will contact her and try to schedule a time to go see her. And if she wants to come see us, it's easy, drive down, visit for however long she desires, drive back home. No hotel or overnight needed.

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:
Is it possible that something happened a year ago that made her really take a good look at her life and reevaluate? Maybe a health situation, or a personal revelation?

Does anyone in the family talk to her weekly and really see how she is?

I’d wonder what the apprehension is about seeing the kids, though.

If so, none of us has any idea what it was.

I should have added this before. When I say family, it is our Mother, myself, the sister with bi-polar, one sister local, one sister out of state. My sister with bi-polar lives in the mother-in-law suite of my mother's house. Since the M-I-L suite has its own entrance, even my mother will go days and days without seeing my sister. My other sister who is local has visited my mother at her home, and bi-polar sister has not come out to say hello. I visited out of state sister two weeks ago. One thing I asked her was if she was keeping in touch with bi-polar sis, because she had always been really good about it. She said not much anymore because they would talk and she would ask "How's your day?" and bi-polar sis would take offense to that question. She said it got tiring to talk to her because she felt like she had to walk on eggshells the whole time.

Her other major symptom is anxiousness. Even when on meds she was very, very comfortable in a routine and in her space. I am sure the prospect of driving and being away from home scared her some.

In May of this year my 30 year old nephew went on a rampage through a manic fit. He didn't sleep for a couple of days, was spotted around town in a frantic way and finally showed up at my brother's house and assaulted him at midnight one night.

The nephew quickly left and before the sheriff could show up and they couldn't find him. Hours later he assaulted his brother who used to be with the 7th Special Forces Group in Afghanistan. The SF brother was put in a headlock with such strength he didn't think he could get out of it without assistance. He got the help and the sheriff took my nephew away on a CA 5150 hold.

When that was over, the hospital didn't have a diagnosis and that was turned into a court approved involuntary hold.

Over the next week they got him stabilized and determined that he was bipolar. He was strong and was restrained for almost all of his stay. There were no drugs in his system.

Once they stabilized him, he said he wanted to be released and left AMA.

He apparently had this for quite some time but could fight back against the manic phase until this year. He kept it hidden from everyone.

He refused treatment or follow-up. There is a permanent restraining order against him for the family members he assaulted.

Right now he's living with his mom (my sister) and he's not under any type of care because he refuses it and says he doesn't have a problem but the family does because they don't understand him.

My sister is afraid of him, can't control him, her husband does what he can but without treatment, it's very hard but so far, they've kept him from having raging manic episodes.

You can't help people who don't want to be helped. It's tough on everyone, especially the one who is ill. People pull back from them and that causes them to become made and it makes it easier for a manic phase to set in.

This explains him, a couple of years ago, pulling a firearm, that he got through an unknown source, and started waiving it around during a phase against someone in the family. It was wrestled away and the cops weren't called but it just goes to show that bipolar, left untreated, is bad.

quote:

Ted Turner had Bipolar Disorder

I would guess that being married to Jane could be a reason.

quote:

quote:
Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Get her in with a competent psychologist if she is willing.


I believe she does go to group consulting almost every day. I do not know if she sees someone on a one on one basis

^^^^^^^^^^^^
That is a good start, but individual psychotherapy with a psychologist who treats mood disorders is best. Bipolar patients have been described as the worst patients ever and the best. They can be incredibly cruel as well as kind.