From the Babylon Bee (satire):



U.S.—The NBA announced Friday that for the upcoming basketball season, the league will be assigning an "adversity score" to overweight white dudes to help more of them get signed with professional basketball teams.

The score will take into account many environmental and biological factors, like the fact that they're white guys who can't jump and get winded while walking up a small flight of stairs. It will also take into account the fact that they don't know anything about the fundamentals of the game and tend to shout things like "I'm open! Hey, I'm open!" even when they're clearly not open. Finally, white dudes who scarf down whole bags of Cheetos daily, drink a six-pack of beer every night, and haven't exercised in years will receive a "considerable boost" from the new weighted point system.

"We've been going about the draft and recruiting new players all wrong," said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. "Teams have been objectively evaluating the skills, character, and overall quality of a player when they decide to sign him. They don't consider all the factors that may have made a person a worse basketball player, such as the fact that he's 150 pounds overweight, ten years past his prime, and hasn't played basketball since junior high."

"This will result in a fairer, more equitable system for all."

Link

About damn time, but I’m not giving up my Cheetos.

I could compete if the other players had to wear scuba weights and high heels...

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:
I could compete if the other players had to wear scuba weights and high heels...

That was good, very funny. I'm going into my garage now with that picture in my mind.

This has been LONG overdue ! I also see Reparations due as well. Repercussions notwithstanding.

Just incase some don't get the target of this satire, it's the SAT's new 'Adversity Score' - read all about it here.

I remember that story. I can't imagine what handicap would be needed for me to compete in the SATs.......maybe a global genocide or something.

We need to start aiming higher: I want an “adversity” price when I get around to selling my house. Yes, it was old and run down when we bought it, and because I’m inept, stingy, and not to mention lazy haven’t done a lot to fix it up, but that shouldn’t be held against me when I sell it. I figure that 100% adversity on top of what it would normally go for would be fair because no one came in and fixed it up for me.

Totally funny. Great post.

What if I'm fairly athletic and tall, but identify and short and pudgy?

quote:

Originally posted by Rightwire:
What if I'm fairly athletic and tall, but identify and short and pudgy?

What's your pronoun?

Might I suggest that you put "(satire)" in these thread titles?

While it might seem obvious that it is, these days you just never know.

Now that there, is damn funny

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:
Might I suggest that you put "(satire)" in these thread titles?

While it might seem obvious that it is, these days you just never know.

IMO if someone is that dense, they need to...

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:
Might I suggest that you put "(satire)" in these thread titles?

While it might seem obvious that it is, these days you just never know.

IMO if someone is that dense, they need to...

At least I don't move like old people fuck.

Seriously though, it's aggravating to click on these titles when they end up being satirical, this one not withstanding.