My daughter had been on a fastpitch softball travel team and she ended up butting heads with one of the coaches to the point that we all felt it best if she leave the team. We had played in a tournament against the Louisiana VOODOO and got our clocks cleaned. There were some good plays here and there and many of those were made by my daughter. Long story short we got a call from a parent of one of the players who said they would like her to come try out. She did and she made the team. I was not surprised as she has an abundance of natural athletic ability and she's very tough both physically and (I thought) mentally.

We just got back from the USSSA National Championship in Fort Walton Beach Florida. The team played well sporadically and Danica played well with the exception of a couple of errors. Even so they were eliminated Friday (you'd think that Friday the 13th would be GOOD luck for a team named VOODOO) but at least they didn't beat themselves they just got beat by a team playing very good ball. This covers the "pride" part of the thread name, now for the apprehension.

For some reason my daughters attitude towards the game has soured. She has been mailing it in for the past couple of months at practice but getting away with it by showing up big on game day. The coaches rightly get on her about her lack of work ethic and commitment with mixed results. They have taken her out of a position that she says she really wanted although apparently not enough to work hard at maintaining. Combine all of that with the fact that she got pulled from the first bracket game in this week's national tournament for giving up on a play after making an error and we're starting to wonder if she really is mentally tough. The coaches ended up putting her back in but as a "flex" player because she truly does give them a better chance of winning. I just can't seem to make her understand that she has to put in the work at practice and allow her coaches to help her improve by listening and doing what they're trying to teach her. It's like she's content with how good she is right now, but as she moves up in age groups she's going to get left behind if she doesn't constantly improve.

I am not one of these parents who will push my kids into sports, but the worst part is that softball has helped her with so many of the issues that arose from her hellish childhood before we found her. As such I hate to take it away from her, but if she keeps with this attitude I won't have a say in the matter as she'll simply be cut from the team.



Can you tell that Mom wasn't able to attend and therefore Dad had to try to deal with her hair. Thankfully after this showing at the opening ceremonies one of the other Moms recognized that I needed help and hooked her up each game.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: parallel,

It seems like you are reaching out for some advice, maybe ypu are just venting. My thoughts here are based on my own family dynamic with two boys that both play travel baseball on competitive teams. My 11 year old played 12U Majors this past spring and my 14 year old is playing summer ball on a 15U showcase team. They play at a high level but at the end of the day we play sports to learn life skills.

Frankly, your daughter looks rather young to be "butting heads" with any adult authority figure. The coaches are the leaders, you do what they say period, no discussion. (Same with teachers and principals in our house). When the season ends you evaluate and stay or go. Only exception is a truly toxic environment that is potentially physically or emotionally harmful, in that case the parents make the call and pull the child. If its truly about the coach my discussion with my child would be this. Putting up with a shitty leader is a life skill that will more than likely be needed more than once in life. When you have a family to feed and a paycheck to earn down the road you don't just get to walk away. Sometimes you have to stay longer than is comfortable until you can move on.

If your child is going to be out of softball soon due to her attitude it's time to look deeper into what is causing her attitude. It could be a personality conflict with a coach. Or it could be burn out, teen hormones, trouble with peers, or any number of things. We have a simple rule in our house that started with my oldest son's hormone induced mood swings as he entered puberty. It goes like this, " No matter what is bothering you, it is not an excuse to be an asshole". Puberty is hard, life is hard and sometimes you just have to fake a smile and be pleasant to people in your life be they parents, coaches, teachers, teammates etc.... The 11 or 12 girls on her team are counting on her to honor her commitment and give her best effort, she is part of a team and is committed until the season ends. Self control is a life skill and you don't get to be a shit head until your hormones calm down or whatever circumstance that is pissing you off settles down.

Again, this is the expectation that is set for my kids and your mileage may vary.

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I am not one of these parents who will push my kids into sports, but the worst part is that softball has helped her with so many of the issues that arose from her hellish childhood before we found her. As such I hate to take it away from her, but if she keeps with this attitude I won't have a say in the matter as she'll simply be cut from the team.

While important, I don't think a sport can 'fix' any underlying issues she may have - only cover them up.

And I know 'hormones' are the excuse for all the problems the teen sportsters on the forum have these days, but having 3 kids of my own either past or in that age bracket, it's just an excuse like any other.

Sure changes / hormones affect them, but if you let that be a guiding principle / excuse for simply shitty behavior for the next couple of years, it ain't gonna be good IMO.

Good luck. It's only a ball game.

I appreciate the input. I wasn't specifically looking for advise, but I welcome it anyway.

Yes, she is FAR too young to be butting heads with authority figures and we are actively trying to help her with a whole team of professional. Let me give you some background. We took her in as a foster child when she was four years old and she was a close to a feral child as I had ever seen. OCS here doesn't give you much information on their past, just what they deem necessary as necessary. Over the years we've been able to piece together some of what she went through in her early years and it is nothing short of nightmarish. She has come a LONG way, but as with your kids, her past or her feelings doesn't give her the right to be an asshole.

With the first team it was at least in part an issue with the coaches. Now it isn't the coaches it is her and her attitude. Insomuch as I want her to play it's not because of the game... it's because the game has been very good for her. She has come a LONG way in her personal development of life skills since playing softball. Of course she still has some issues and we made these very clear to the coaches before we even allowed her to try out for the team. I've talked with the main coach since and he says he hasn't given up on her and she'll be fine in the long run. I'm thinking that the grueling schedule of practice and tournaments at this level in this heat is the main cause of her lack of work ethic at practice. I can understand that (not excuse it, but understand it) but it flies in the face of how mentally tough she has shown to be in the past. She has professional help trying to get to the root cause of her issues and it may take YEARS for her to work though all of that baggage.

I guess that is what my apprehension is all about. If she gets cut because her attitude leads to a lack of work ethic at practice which leads to not enough progression of skills it could set her back in her quest to heal. I guess it could also be a turning point and in the end be a good thing, but even if it is it has been our experience that breakthroughs come with drama.

Either way, I'm proud of how well she plays the game, but I worry that she could lose the one thing that she has that she enjoys and seems to help her cope. Of course we can always put her back in recreation ball, but the lack of competition there is not good for her and is why we chose to look into travel ball in the first place. I wish I could just be happy at how awesome she plays now and the amazing accomplishments in such a short time... but for me it's more than the sport.

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While important, I don't think a sport can 'fix' any underlying issues she may have - only cover them up.

Respectfully her team of professionals disagree. It's not about the "sport" so much as it's about being part of a social interaction in which there are rules and standards of conduct.

Lots of issues involved in this situation : far beyond the scope of a simple gun discussion board.

Bottom line - she may not enjoy - at this point in her life - the PRESSURE of playing at such a high level with such high demands.

There are other levels of softball competition that might be appropriate at this juncture. Maybe consider exploring them.

I have a LOT of experience with youth sports - and I hate to see kids lose the 'love of the game' (whatever sport that may be) because we push them too far too fast.

Good luck - in the end - if it's not fun anymore we (you) are stripping away part of their childhood by bench-marking it against our ADULT definition of success / failure.

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First, great job dad for taking your daughter in and giving her the chance in life she surely wouldn't have had without you and your wife. It sounds like you have all of the support and professional guidance you need to get through this rough patch.

How old is your daughter? I have found that as my boys get older the benefit of sharing the big picture is a difference maker in how they perceive the feedback. Linking their behaviors and your expectations to life skills that you yourself, their role model, display in the real world is valuable perspective that adds importance to the outcome that they can see in action through you. When our boys struggle with what is right in front of them, correction or guidance is often linked to the bigger learning experience and how it translates to their success later in life.

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Originally posted by parallel:

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While important, I don't think a sport can 'fix' any underlying issues she may have - only cover them up.

Respectfully her team of professionals disagree. It's not about the "sport" so much as it's about being part of a social interaction in which there are rules and standards of conduct.

Yes, but that can be achieved with a simple rec or low level play. There’s a lot of additional elements involved in “travel” leagues of any sort, particularly at this young age.

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Originally posted by reloader-1:

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Originally posted by parallel:

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While important, I don't think a sport can 'fix' any underlying issues she may have - only cover them up.

Respectfully her team of professionals disagree. It's not about the "sport" so much as it's about being part of a social interaction in which there are rules and standards of conduct.

Yes, but that can be achieved with a simple rec or low level play. There’s a lot of additional elements involved in “travel” leagues of any sort, particularly at this young age.

That was my unsaid point - you can play a lot of sports within driving distance of your house.

I love seeing kids in sports, but I hate it when travel sports become a self licking ice cream cone for the families / all must revolve around the kid's sports lives - but it's their family and money to do what they like.

But that doesn't mean I don't laugh when the wife tells me about her coworker and the professional MLB career they have planned for their 8-YEAR OLD! BAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!! They have switched teams 3 times because the coaches were not "appreciating their son's talents".

In case I haven't been clear; I never have an expectation that anything be solved by an online forum, although if there is one that could do it it would be SIGforum. Also, I have no expectations for her in in terms of scholarships or some sort of career. She likes to play. Playing has helped her work through some issues, it's as simple as that.

That said, this travel ball is a LOT more involved than I had thought when we started. The thing is I would MUCH prefer she play rec ball... but she begged us to let her play on the first travel team and she begged us again to allow her to try out for the VOODOO. If she could be happy playing rec ball it would be better for all involved, but she isn't. I've been trying to explain to her that if she wants to play at that level she has to be committed enough to do her best. We've decided to see what happens when the pace slows... could be she's just burnt out and this being her first season of travel ball she wasn't prepared for the grind. Also, she is moving up to 10u this fall... the competition level being higher may help her attitude as far as wanting to get better. I guess we'll see.