I have a lifetime friend who´s time is running out.

Met Bob in Buenos Aires back in ´87 or ´88 when he was a Panam flight engineer and I had gotten my first job selling computer software at the first specialized store in my city/country.
I provided him with IT wisdom and asked him to bring me computer related stuff every now and then.
We became good very friends and I used to end every trip to the US by staying at his home in FL for a few days and regrouping all my Computer Shopper originated purchases prior to my return flight.
Most karmas I ever won here were received by him while waiting for the opportunity to reach my hands.
We´ve kept in touch for over 30 years. I haven´t made it to the US for the past 15, there have been too many obstacles.

He´s been telling me for a while that his doctor told him he should be dead by now. He shouldn´t have made it past early Dec.

Just can´t face the fact.

I tell him and myself that I´l do my best to get a US visa at soonest and fly there. Not easily accomplished.

Any advise on should I do or how to rationalize these facts? We´re all getting older, Bob is just 10 older than me. In his early 70s. One thing is to lose touch with friends, another to know they are alive and well but not in touch and then there´s this, when you know a dear friend´s breath might be his last any minute now.

Thanks for reading.

0-0

My heart aches for you. Could you send letters or email to keep correspondence up while he handles his affairs?

Went through a similar situation about a year ago. (About a 4 hour flight apart). We had a number of phone conversations, just staying in touch. I also wrote him a letter explaining how much his friendship had meant to me. I was fortunate to be able to visit a couple of times as well. (Something that was initially very hard for me to do, but so glad I did it).
His wife later told me that the letter meant a lot to him.
None of it was easy but I'm really glad I was able to spend some quality time both in person and on the phone.
Guess what I'm saying is don't be afraid to test your comfort zone. You won't regret it.

keep in touch with him as best as you can. We can only be responsible for the things under our control. If things happened that prevent you from coming to visit him; don't put that on yourself.

If you can’t make it in person, just stay in touch. Phone calls, emails, texts...

The sad reality of someone going through the last stages is people with whom they are close, tend to distance themselves. Maybe the pain is too hard for them to handle. I don’t have an answer.

Just treat him as your friend, the same way you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed.

God Bless,
Smith

quote:

Any advise on should I do or how to rationalize these facts?

condolences on your situation; had similar loss myself recently. My best buddy from grade school 1953 recently suddenly passed. We had visited just a few months prior, and he was otherwise healthy.

The odd thing this trip was we had scheduled a special little adventure pending my visit to his place. I called the night before heading his way, and was told of 'unexpected complications'. Met him in his intensive care room a few days later.

Even in his barely confirmed terminal diagnosis, he was absolutely realistic about the circumstance and short time frame. Instead of weeks perhaps, a few months....it was less than one week.

I've learned a lot about the sudden reality of grieving recently, that prior passing of friends/family members did not produce.

It helped me to meet/visit with some of his other friends I had not met before, to get over the shock. You will find emotional support if you look for it.

Strength & serenity will come.

Is Skype or Facetime or something similar a possibility?

Do your best to reach out. Whether that be by phone, text, email, or if you can, by flight as you said.

You can never recapture the lost time, trust me since I lost my Dad and Mom, just do your best.

Both of you will appreciate your best efforts.

Nicki,

Zoom.us offers basic accounts. A basic account is free for peer to peer meetings using VoIP. You can talk in the time you have together.

Be well.

quote:

Originally posted by Shotgun Zeke:
Is Skype or Facetime or something similar a possibility?

That’s a good idea.

Keep in touch as best you can, even a simple text lets them know you’re thinking of them.

quote:

Originally posted by ASKSmith:
If you can’t make it in person, just stay in touch. Phone calls, emails, texts...

The sad reality of someone going through the last stages is people with whom they are close, tend to distance themselves. Maybe the pain is too hard for them to handle. I don’t have an answer.

Just treat him as your friend, the same way you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed.

God Bless,
Smith

What Smith said. And don't take it personal if he breaks off contact. I've been through that with a friend also.

quote:

Originally posted by ASKSmith:
The sad reality of someone going through the last stages is people with whom they are close, tend to distance themselves. Maybe the pain is too hard for them to handle. I don’t have an answer.

In my case with someone who while we weren’t “close” - (she was the sister of
a *very* dear friend), she and I didn’t have the deep connection her brother and I had.

I just didn’t know what to say.

I told her brother this and he said “A lot of people are feeling that. It can be awkward.
I loved her and admired her but...there just weren’t any words that didn’t seem like tired cliches.

I would write a carefully composed letter to your friend that expresses whatever you may want to convey to him.

The written word has much, much greater impact than a simple email or phone call - if it's done right.

V.

So, so sorry to hear this bad news.

I lost my best buddy about 3-4 years ago. We lived next door to each other.

We knew the end was near for him (raging cancer) and he had done all the radiation therapy stuff, none of which helped, only burned the crap out of him to the point that nearly all the skin on his head was burned black.

I spent hours sitting on his front porch with him, just talking about everything but his cancer.

One day he asked me what he should do about his cancer, that the doctors told him that he didn't have much time. (Damn screen acting up again, happens a lot when I think about Pete).

I told him I could not tell him what to do, but if it were me I would stop all those treatments as they were just torturing him.

He did, and about 2 weeks later he died in his sleep. Every day until his death we sat on his front porch, drinking coffee together. Sometimes not even talking. Just being together in the spring air.

In short, since you cannot be with him, just communicate as often, as long as you can.

Most definitely Skype is the way to go.
We do this, no problem. We`ve been doing it for years, matter of fact.

What tears me up is the fact that both, F2F and in writing, he`s at peace with the fact that his time is over. Never have seen someone as calm. Guess I picture myself kicking and screaming, just like in the way in.

Thank you all for your words. Just like I advised P220 smudge, I`ll try to be the best man I can be and stay with my dear friend as long as he can.

0-0

Three days ago marks the third anniversary of losing a friend to cancer, she and I had been friends since junior high and though we had lost touch with each other for a few years she found me again through the internet (she lived in another state) and we continued to correspond through her stage four cancer, her various chemotherapy treatments, her unsuccessful bid for a clinical trial treatment and her entering hospice. We used messenger to do this daily, sadly we never managed to get together in person where I could have given her an actual hug, instead of merely saying that was my wish. I think of Denise often and miss her greatly and admired her incredible strength and courage. My point to all this is find the way to correspond with your friend, whatever works best for both of you, I don’t think you’ll regret it, I’m glad I had what time I had with my friend.

quote:

Originally posted by White Phosphorus:
I would write a carefully composed letter to your friend that expresses whatever you may want to convey to him.

The written word has much, much greater impact than a simple email or phone call - if it's done right.

V.

Perfect, I was going to say the same thing! The written word in your own handwriting is much more heart felt than anything you can type. Even if your writing is sloppy and you don't like writing it is still much more meaningful.

Sorry to hear this 0-0, currently I'm at that time that I've lost just about all my friends to age and health issues. It never gets easier losing them. My very closest friend we could just look at one another in unspoken words understood the depth of friendship just sitting quietly together. I miss them all but in my beliefs, I too shall see them again one day and can look forward to a glorious homecoming among them all. I will offer you and your friend my prayers. You seem like a great friend, thats worth everything.

I have no other advise beyond what has been previously offered but I want to add my condolences.

What city or area of Florida? We live 20 miles (32Km) north of Tampa will offer our guestroom for you to visit your friend if that will help. We both have weekends off and will drive you wherever we can.

If it helps, TSM11 speaks "REAL" Portuguese as her family comes from Portugal and her mother taught her.

Email me at Rotndad@Gmail.com if we can help.