NO, not the obvious stuff like you decompose and start to stink if no one carts you away. I mean with friends. We can't ask you questions or advice. It can be a big loss for those of us still remaining. I've had 2 such losses recently, first my 99+ year old mother and a really good jeeping buddy. Its the loss that comes around that haunts us. Now I have no one to ask questions of, with the expectation of getting a good honest answer. It takes years and years to get to the point where I really trust people and the advice they give.

I'm thinking this is what leads to the sense of loss we feel. Or maybe just advances it. With my friend who died a few weeks back, he even used me for his security check long ago. So a babe knocks at my door and introduces herself. She was Air Force and had a huge list of question to ask of me. One was "how well did you know Mark?" Well, my answer was we took every vacation for the last 20 years with him. She agreed that was pretty well. My wife was shocked with the question and my answer, but agreed it was appropriate. They must do that.

The only positive thing about my mother was that she can't vote against Trump again. Even my retired FBI agent brother didn't vote for Hillary. Says because of all the trouble she cause Law Enforcement over her misbehavior. He's a hard leftist and that part shocked me.

Sometimes we forget how much some people are a part of our lives. Those with whom we share an honest strong relationship have the most impact on us.

I have lost several friends and family over the last few years and occasionally will still catch myself including them in my future plans or thoughts. Usually it comes in the form of small things like I'll see a movie advertised and think "Hey Mom would really like to see that" and then I'll remember.

It's not that I'm in denial or haven't dealt with the loss, it's just that bonds that have been formed do not get severed at death.

Your loved ones will always be with you.

I guess that the question to ponder is if one has done right, or at least good enough, for friends, family, and humanity in general. Hard to say... it seems that good intentions and deeds vanish into the sands like a stream in the desert. Swedenborg wrote that when we pass into the spiritual world then the the outer husks of our spirit are peeled away until only the dominant love remains. One chooses Heaven or Hell accordingly as home.

Dunno. They say it’s easier to leave than be left behind. I guess that is because the left behind have to live with the emotions and the hole that used to be a friend or family member.

Almost 2 months ago my dad was diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer ans was given 2, maybe 3 months to live without treatment. At 88 and no known cure for his cancer, they opted out of treatment. Fast forward Almost 2 months and he is down to his final 2 weeks, if tat long. Tried to tell him I loved him tonight over the phone and couldn’t do it thru the tears. We are heading down to be with him for his last days.

It will be tough, especially for my mom who has been by his side for the last 64 years. She’s a strong woman but this will set her on her course of decline.

People like my parents and your friend are rock in our lives. It tough to accept the reality that they are gone, but we have to. I guess we have to trust the judgements received in the past to move forward. We can’t speak to those people anymore but we know what they would say if we could. Keeping there memories strong in our hearts is important.

Sorry, just kind of rambling here. I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my dads diagnosis and really not looking to forward to the next week or two. Thank God I have an understanding boss and wife. More rocks....

So a couple weeks ago my dad was told he had a “node” in his lungs. Off to a bunch of tests.
Here I was sitting, and being selfish about the fact I gave up a great career and living in a rain soaked communist shit hole, to move to AZ, and hang out with my dad on the regular. Now he gets some cancer shit and is going to cross the River? I was pissed. I was bummed. I was saddened.
Who do I vent to about work? Who do I joke and laugh with. Who in this world understands me like this guy? When I need any building, home, electrical, or pretty much any other advice... well, I’m fucked.
Fast forward a few weeks to last week. The tests came back. “Nothing to worry about. See you in six months”.

So it’s kind of a reminder why I moved here, and to go see him more often.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Beancooker,

I started something very dim mat simular a few months back
Some petty good insight.

You're very fortunate to have had such influential people in your life that you trust. I can say for sure, that your mom accomplished her mission, which is to be missed, loved, and mourned when she died. My father died maybe 5 years ago and I have yet to shed a tear. Same for my step-father around the same time. I don't hate my father, or my step-father; they just didn't matter to me, as I feel I did not matter to them.

Death of many friends and family has given me perspective on life, in general, and who and what are important and worthy of my time. My lifelong end goal is to have my children love me so much that they are completely dysfunctional for at least two to four weeks when I die. Of course, I'll never know; I'll be dead. Friends and wives come and go. My kids are where it's at for me. I devote everything I have to them. I don't want them to mourn me forever. I am just hopeful that I was extremely influential in their lives.

For my daughter, I have been her rock in stormy weather. I'll be the same for my son. It seems like your mom was too.

At some point in time, we become the wisdom and if we do our jobs right, we pass our wisdom and insight onto someone of a younger generation.

I used to have dozens of friends. As time has passed, I'm down to four solid ones. Good friends are hard to come by and I'm happy you had one.

Tony.

All part of the definition of sorrow...the impacts of loss are like ripples after the thrown rock into a pond...each ripple carries its own meaning to us and with varying intensity felt again and again.

Dealing with this again myself. A friend killed himself. We're trying to provide emotional support for his widow. It's hard. Looking back over the years, I've known a number people who committed suicide, including a priest. Not much that can be done.

quote:

At some point in time, we become the wisdom and if we do our jobs right, we pass our wisdom and insight onto someone of a younger generation.

This, pure and simple.

Bean cooker,
You are so lucky to recognize what you have and cherish it. OP, I wish I had solid answers for you, but it is hard.
I lost my brother when I was young. He was older and my go to for everything. It hurt badly to lose him.
Within years of that another family member I counted heavily on became an unreliable source due to a serious dependence on rx drugs after a bad accident. Another reliable source gone. I started to withdraw from emotional attachments and trust simply because they kept being removed from my personal chessboard.

To this day, though, I maintain a very tight relationship with both my parents, checking in most every day. I have stayed close ever since my brother’s death, simply because I was taught young to hold tight to what you have. Cherish it and mourn the loss when it happens. I try to make new connections, but I am an introvert, and really am not into frivolous conversation with people who aren’t at my stage in life- lots of younger mothers who have no idea what’s in store in coming years, and I’ve no real interest in dance parties or Botox. I’m also not super crunchy so I don’t fit with the earth crowd. You have my sympathies. Your hobbies may bring you some new friends that you enjoy, if they are social situations. Everything takes time, including building new friendships. My best to you.

I've always thought that our immortality exists in the mark we've made on others. Every interaction, good or bad, had the potential to alter someone's mood, behavior, life. Kind of a human version of a butterfly flapping it's wings eventually causing a hurricane on the other side of the world.

More often than not, it is a father that becomes the 'rock' that you always turned to for real advice. I don't know how many guys have told me that upon the loss of their father. They lost their council. That is when most become their own council, or it was in my case. In turn, we seek sources of trusted advice. Not to appear cliche' but it should be obvious by now that SigForum is one of those sources for many of us.

It is silly, but the first time I ever really gave this any thought was well before losing my father. He had come back from a business trip laughing about a Bruce Dern movie that he saw on HBO at his hotel. Middle Age Crazy. One of the central themes (maybe the only one) in the movie was a recurring line 'I don't want to be the daddy'. Everyone went to his father for advice, not just him. When his Dad passed, they started assigning that role to him. I saw that movie with a completely different perspective at the time but the message was actually a pretty good one. You get on with life and you cope. You get it done.

Just like he did once.

Lots of sage advice here. I always remember a line I heard years ago - perhaps at a memorial. "Just because you get older doesn't mean your friends get older with you."

That has stuck with me for years and as I pass into my 70's, I see just how true that statement is.
Mike

every living thing emits energy, heck some non living things emit energy .

most living things have receptors that recognize
energy that is being emitted.

then, consciously or sometimes unconsciously
a decision is made on how or if the energy should be used.

some choose NOT to recognize the in coming energy at all , it's just disregarded.

others embrace it and file it away .

when a body ceases to make energy , other living beings resort back to that which has been cataloged and embraced,

some enjoy or dread that energy until they no longer emit

Someone wrote the line that I believe to be true.

You dont become a man until your father dies.