Long post no one wants to read

December 04, 2017, 10:24 PM

I read it as well. It takes a great deal of courage to do what you did.

Just know that we're all pulling for you here and you are not alone.

December 04, 2017, 10:31 PM

vthoky

I read your story. I'm not sure what I can do to help, but would certainly do it if I knew what it was.

That said, you're in my prayers.

As advice goes, all I can offer is what my sister tells me when my world gets ahead of me: "Take it twenty minutes at a time." That 21st minute, take a minute to enjoy that you beat the previous 20 minutes. Then go again.

December 04, 2017, 10:38 PM

Ripley

quote:
Originally posted by Ronin1069:
You are not alone, brother.

Know this and believe it.

December 04, 2017, 11:04 PM

Yanert98

I read it all and I admire your courage.

Scanning the pages, you have been given some good advice on possible changes to your outcome.

I pray you find peace and that better days lie ahead.

December 04, 2017, 11:12 PM

jhe888

I am thinking of you. I am in Houston. Let me know if I can help. I think you did the right thing.

December 04, 2017, 11:40 PM

snoris

Sending prayers your way. I know a couple of fellow law enforcement officers who have had circumstances somewhat similar to yours, and there's no doubt that it was very tough on both of them to work through. They came out the other side changed people, but they did make it out from the darkness.

Good luck.

December 05, 2017, 12:17 AM

hbabler

First you are in my prayers. Second, thank you for doing the right thing. I have dealt with the aftermath of suicides in public safety and even though your department screwed you over you at least have a chance. Without making the change you might have just become a statistic. Good luck!

December 05, 2017, 03:24 AM

gw3971

Brother I feel your pain. Every cop I know struggles with depression and that includes me.

Check with your retirement folks and see if there are other government jobs you could do that will allow you to finish your time.

We had a guy recently get fired and he had some clerical time that they combined with his LEO times to get him to the pension finish line.

Your former agency definitely screwed you over. They also painted a terrible picture for their other officers as to how they will be treated should they have problems and need/request assistance. Your former agency only needs to look as far as the V.A. to see how not to handle these problems. It sounds like the chief and the high council of idiots hasn't been paying attention.

Best wishes brother!

December 05, 2017, 03:45 AM

skyline009

Prayers send hope you feel better soon.

December 05, 2017, 04:22 AM

ulsterman

I read every word. Pursue a medical retirement. If they will not honor that, find a professional who will help you get it. Good luck brother.

December 05, 2017, 05:09 AM

charlie12

I read it all too. It must have been hard to start that process and to post your story.
I hope you can find something in LE that you will love to do and make you happy,
And I will keep you in my prayers.

When you feel down get on here and talk

December 05, 2017, 05:13 AM

r0gue

It sounds like you were cornered. You had to make the break. You did. Well done! and I DO applaud you for that, and your process of re-centering.

So... What's this security guard thing though? Like Policeman-Light?

I ask this because it sounds like you're there and thinking, this is forever more. It is not. I strongly urge you to consider all of the other possibilities that are on the other side of re-training. There's a million jobs that aren't LEO or security job. Many of them have decent salaries and are fulfilling.

I do wish you good luck. But I also wish you happy hunting and the best of success in YOUR efforts. You've dropped back appropriately. Now change direction, and move forward.

December 05, 2017, 05:43 AM

Loaded Round

quote:
Originally posted by chongosuerte:
This pisses me off beyond comprehension.

I have stood by two friends that went through this. The department shit on both of them. One was in two shootings in a year, lost it in my arms after almost being in a third a few months later. Never worked another day. The other lost a 27 year career.

The department wants you to bend over backwards for it, work 60 hours a week, change your schedule at the drop of a hat, work holidays, family be damned...but when you need help, they show you how important you really are.

Godspeed, Sir. You will overcome. It is a shame,and I truly hate it for you. But you will find something better. Better pay, and better environment. Talk with an employment attorney that understands the state's system.

THIS is the best advice on the internet.

December 05, 2017, 06:14 AM

jehzsa

Hello, chadw659.

Before the incident, were you taking Levaquin?

Any other meds?

Let me put it this way. For someone "on the edge", yours was a reasoned, well-thought out post. Yeah, kinda long but reasonably edited and detailed. Wish most "on the edge" would write like that.

Consult legal counsel. It all looks to me like a temporary chemical imbalance. It's not as if it's extremely rare that some in law enforcement have suicidal thoughts. Heck, most people have them at some point in their lives and never acted on them!

You see, probability is a number between 0 and 1. Possibility, even less.

Best,

December 05, 2017, 06:29 AM

Steyn

Prayers sent your way from Canada. Been there, done that. You will win in the end.

December 05, 2017, 06:54 AM

pwelch001

I hate how you guys are treated. I've had many family and friends, as well as myself who have had to deal with this nightmare. Hang in there brother, e mail if you need to talk. You're doing the right thing.

December 05, 2017, 06:56 AM

chongosuerte

I should also tell you, I have personally seen the darkness. And I buried my best cop friend, who worked beside me on patrol, whom I had helped into my old gang detective position when I left, because I knew he was struggling and needed a better support system.

Among others...but his was the closest. He never went for help when his world got darkest. Thank you for being able to.

Knowing what one is talking about is widely admired but not strictly required here.

Although sometimes distracting, there is often a certain entertainment value to this easy standard.
-JALLEN

"All I need is a WAR ON DRUGS reference and I got myself a police thread BINGO." -jljones

December 05, 2017, 07:19 AM

95flhr

I also read the entire post.

You sir have great courage and I admire the decision you made.

Taking care of your health is the right decision and I have confidence that things will work themselves out and you will be in a much better place.

You have a great support group here.

“Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.”
― Ronald Reagan

Retired old fart

December 05, 2017, 07:30 AM

Chowser

Hang in there. I believe most of us in the profession are experiencing depression issues and most of us won't go in for help for fear of what happened to you.

I had my downward spiral a few years ago and ended up demoted (not by choice) and never went in for "official" help since I've seen what they do to people who get help. Friends, family and coworkers got me over the worst of it.

Your health is your primary concern and you are on the right path.

December 05, 2017, 08:00 AM

TMats

I read it too. Looks like the best advice, by far, is coming from fellow officers like Chongo. Be methodical in your responses, keep good notes, in fact, using your post for this thread as a guide—write down the course of events.

When it gets tough, spend the day in this forum.

Drive on