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Unhyphenated American |
Do you want to try this candy? It tastes like shit. __________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver NRA Life Member | ||
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A Grateful American |
 "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Caribou gorn |
I'm building a playground for my boys so last night I dug 6 holes for the 4x4 posts. My wife watched me for much of the effort. This morning I shoveled the dirt from the ground into a wheelbarrow to move off. She came out and asked "where'd that dirt come from?" I'm gonna vote for the funniest frog with the loudest croak on the highest log. | |||
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| Back, and to the left  |
 Link to original video: https://youtu.be/Q8skzjsaJc8 | |||
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Member |
I might have gotten slapped for saying something like "How do you know?" . | |||
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| Member |
A local restaurant has a funny bone and they glued a half dollar on the floor of the waiting area. Wife looks down at it and says "thats a big quarter" | |||
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| Avoiding slam fires  |
Liten up guys,I only wish mine was still here to keep me straight. The first wife has tried on many occasions,its a pleasure to be an asshole to that BBBBB | |||
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Member |
Beware you young guys. What sounds like a question is usually a statement or command incognito. _____________________ Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you. | |||
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Quit staring at my wife's Butt |
sounds like my wife. or she will point out the obvious. lol | |||
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| Unapologetic Old School Curmudgeon  |
Ha ha ha! My wife does this all the time. This smells awful, here smell it Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day | |||
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| Member |
Daughter comes home from the mall and says, "There was a clown at the mall." Wife says, "Was it a real clown or somebody dressed up like a clown?" "Dead Midgets Handled With No Questions Asked" | |||
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His Royal Hiney |
I like that. Sounds like Columbo. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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| Member |
Mine has no concept of basic physics. She thinks if we leave the basement door open the air conditioning will spill downstairs. And that ice weighs more than water. | |||
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"Member" |
 _____________________________________________________ Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911. | |||
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| Member |
Open the window & turning on the ceiling fan will pull the kitchen odor outside! __________________________________________________ If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit! Sigs Owned - A Bunch | |||
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Still finding my way |
Mine has no concept of how a thermostat works. | |||
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Drug Dealer |
It's a genetic thing. No matter how otherwise smart they might be, they perceive a temperature control device to be analog like the burner on a stove. The higher you turn it the faster it will cool (heat). You can mansplain about switches and toggles and binary devices until hell freezes over...to no avail. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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Get Off My Lawn |
My wife has asked questions similar to this on occasion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UpFqL8hkwE "I’m not going to read Time Magazine, I’m not going to read Newsweek, I’m not going to read any of these magazines; I mean, because they have too much to lose by printing the truth"- Bob Dylan, 1965 | |||
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| Member |
After the invention of that wonderful, convenient device, the cell phone, my Ex would call me while I was working: Ex: "A cop car just went by the house with its lights and siren on"! Me: "ITS ME'! "KINDA BUSY NOW"! "CALL YA BACK"! Ex: "A lot of fire trucks just went by the house". Me: "SOMETHINGS ON FIRE"! "KINDA BUSY NOW"! "CALL YA BACK"! Ex: " A couple of Amubulances just went by the house with their lights and sirens on" Me: "BIG WRECK"! "KINDA BUSY NOW"! "CALL YA BACK"! Only a cell phone can make you regret where your house is located. End of Earth: 2 Miles Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles | |||
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| Conservative Behind Enemy Lines  |
With my wife, it's more like this: Me: "I was involved in an accident with a drunk driver!" Her: "What color were his eyes?" * * * * Me: "My interview went well - I think they're going to offer me the position!" Her: "What were the interviewers wearing?" Of all the enemies that the American citizen faces, the Democrat Party is the very worst. | |||
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