So far,
Purchase grave site, vault, monument. Associated fees- opening, closing setting sealing .
I am stuck on visitation/showing/grave site service.
What is customary nowadays ?

It's really however much or little as you want. I've unfortunately buried over a half dozen family members in the last 4 years including my mother so I've gotten used to this process.

Visitation/wake the night before the funeral on average is 3-4 hours unless you expect a ton of people then maybe extend it. Graveside service is usually just the immediate family but others are obviously welcome.

Service depends on your own particular beliefs and preferences. Do you want a simple service at the funeral home? Church service? Graveside service only?

The funeral home will handle all the backend paperwork and usually front the fees as well.

OldBill - Interesting as Ms. Sigarmsp226 and I just recently finished with the plot purchase, monument selection, and just this week our monument was set....

Today at lunchtime she told me we should finalize and pre-purchase our remaining items/processes....She told me she wants ONLY a graveside service and either the most basic casket or possibly no embalming and being buried in an approved cardboard box to allow her body to go back to the earth as created.....She made it very clear she does not want to be cremated.

At least we know where we will be buried - now to figure out by whom and how....

^^^you may want to check regs at least call the cemetery, as most cemeteries use a concrete vault. It keeps the ground from settling after the body decomposes. Some cities require them.

I saw a Muslim burial where the body was wrapped in a sheet and lowered to the grave by rope, they left the ropes, but there was no vault. I asked the cemetery later about it, and they said you had to specifically request no vault burial.

A lot of cemeteries require vaults to prevent the ground from settling as the body/casket break down. However you can get bottomless vaults so that the body/casket touch the ground but the earth above is still stable.

But yes you should absolutely call the cemetery managers first to confirm what their requirements are.

quote:

Originally posted by MikeinNC:
^^^you may want to check regs at least call the cemetery, as most cemeteries use a concrete vault. It keeps the ground from settling after the body decomposes. Some cities require them.

I saw a Muslim burial where the body was wrapped in a sheet and lowered to the grave by rope, they left the ropes, but there was no vault. I asked the cemetery later about it, and they said you had to specifically request no vault burial.

“Green” burials in which there is no embalming and no vault are increasingly popular in these parts. It saves $ and is better for the environment.

Around here, only the immediate family can view at the funeral home.

Almost no one is eating afterward .

head stone is in place and the plot obtained.

cremation and pick up needs to be arranged,paid for

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,

I plan on being cremated. No service. And then just spread my ashes around a golf course some night.

I’m pretty sure I won’t care.

Wooden boat, lots of firewood, kerosene, a good archer...

I sell final expense insurance in AZ. While I have nothing to do with funeral planning, I regularly run into people who are paying on "pre-need" funeral plans.

Just last week I ran into a woman who bought an $8500 plan. She put $7500 down and was paying $180 a month for five years. That's right - $18,300 for an $8500 funeral plan. Sure, that $8500 was supposed to grow by .75% per year. But she wasn't going to live long enough for that to amount to anything.

Anyway, if you can't pay cash upfront for your funeral plan, buy life insurance instead. It will be far cheaper per month for a far larger benefit. Then again, if you pay $10k cash to a funeral home and die three weeks later, you paid $10k for your funeral. Buy a $10k final expense policy and die three weeks later, you paid $75 and your beneficiary still gets a $10k payout.

Generally, the recommendation is to plan in advance and not pay in advance. Buying the lots from the cemetery supposedly allows you to lock in at today's rates. One cemetery was 1000.00 per plot and another twice that. Vaults come in different levels and was quoted 1900.00 each for Monticello. May be cheaper from funeral home. Caskets can be ordered from Costco and Amazon Prime.
We have decided monument as opposed to marker.

I talked to a woman that had to plan for her Dad after he was gone. She is still paying for the grave. Can't be buried until paid off. Was still worried if the funeral and cremation was what he would have wanted.

That is irresponsible to put on your children. I don't want to do it and no children to burden. But will pay for what I can and do now.
I hate going to funerals and don't want others to feel obligated to go to mine.
Agree with the term life

I've buried my Stepfather, my Mother and my Uncle over the last ~11 months in California. I live in Washington State. All three passed on different dates, separated by many months. It pretty much tossed my life upside down but that's another story.

My parents purchased a cemetery plot before passing and each was buried and my Uncle cremated. My Stepfather had a full Catholic Mass and burial as he passed just before the start of the COVID meltdown. My mother and Uncle passed June-August and we could only have a graveside service with a limited amount of folks, etc.

Apart from the Burial plot at the Catholic cemetery already paid for, it still cost about $5k for my Uncle's cremation and about $7-9k for each of my parents to be buried. Those costs include Urn or caskets, pick up and prep of the remains from the location, Transportation and Church/reception or graveside services, death certificates, etc.

My remains are going to the University of Toledo medical college. They can use my body for up to 2 years then cremate and return my remains or have them interred up there. Paid a registration fee. Now all that's left to pay for is the ride up there.

I wish it was this easy. My wife and I are polar opposites when it comes to this. She wants to be buried like a queen. Plot on a hill facing east (I think), beautiful casket, pastor saying lots of stuff, the whole nine yards.

I’m good with being cremated. No urn. Put the ashes in a ziplock, and sprinkle some along some cool 4x4 trails. Have a party in my honor and serve up plenty of Makers Mark. I don’t really care, I’m dead.

I just read krazeehorse’s reply. That I could get down with.

That said, I think it’s pretty cool that you all are getting buried together. I’m too much of a kid at heart to be concerned about death. It’ll happen at some point.

I always wanted to be laid out on a Bear trail.
Alaskan Grizzly would be nice.

My plan:
I am personally opposed to the entire casket/grave/monument approach - a huge waste of resources....land...and a spot on the ground to be forgotten.

Cremate me---cast my ashes to the wind---or water -- as it were and be done with it!

We are redoing our will and Trust and have decided to be cremated and our ashes spread at a place known as “The Point” on the Outer Banks of NC. It’s National Park land so I would expect to need a permit but what can they do to me??

Most National Parks Allow Ashes To Be Scattered.
You should request permission from the chief park ranger first. A permit is usually required. Cremains should only be scattered away from trails or other developed areas.

I have planned some funerals for family and some for others. I have attended lots of funerals where both elaborate caskets and pine boxes are displayed. I have attended lots of funerals with an urn - or nothing at all are on display. I have seen bodies lowered into big holes and urns put in small holes. I have seen $15,000 spent and $1,500 spent. After the cold ham and funeral potatoes, it was all the same - the dead are dead.

I have never visited my parents graves nor has my wife visited her parents graves. To me, it make no sense to spend a bunch of money to create a monument to the dead. The real monument is in my head and my heart.

quote:

Originally posted by smlsig:
We are redoing our will and Trust and have decided to be cremated and our ashes spread at a place known as “The Point” on the Outer Banks of NC. It’s National Park land so I would expect to need a permit but what can they do to me??

When I was stationed there, I was in charge of military funerals for the OBX...I found that it was better to not contact the NPS about spreading remains....they began quoting regulations verbatim when I called, on more than one occasion. Finally we told them we were going to do a gun salute and a flag folding ceremony. I front loaded the family and actually helped cut open the plastic box the remains were in. No one said anything, and at the final moment, the family member removed the box from his backpack and began sprinkling the ashes into the sound. A park ranger boss had come to make sure we weren’t doing anything they didn’t want...he about freaked out. I physically held him and told him to relax...it would be just like a camper dumping his bbq ashes into the ocean. The NPS boss was none too pleased, when I mentioned how the papers would look at it if he cited the family for some bullshit he stomped off. From that point forward we never called the NPS for permission for anything.