Sorry for your loss.
My wife passed 3.5 years ago of cancer after 25 years of marriage.
I wore mine until I felt it was time to remove it and placed it with hers in the safe.
I just felt it was time.That was 6 months ago.
I am not looking, but my brother's wife passed 1.5 years ago after 58 years of marriage. He has now remarried to a widow.
We are all different.

PC

Interesting. I built a memorial for Meredith in my office. If my ring comes off, I will add it to hers that is on a ribbon that I will sometimes visibly wear around my neck.

Sorry for your loss, as well.

quote:

Originally posted by PCWyoming:
Sorry for your loss.
My wife passed 3.5 years ago of cancer after 25 years of marriage.
I wore mine until I felt it was time to remove it and placed it with hers in the safe.
I just felt it was time.That was 6 months ago.
I am not looking, but my brother's wife passed 1.5 years ago after 58 years of marriage. He has now remarried to a widow.
We are all different.

PC

Very sorry for your loss Mike, I can only imagine the pain.

I'm not a ring wearer, so you have to take my comments with a grain of salt. I agree with the folks who say do what feels right to you and don't worry about what others may think.

I guess I'm in the til death do us part crowd. I've talked to my wife of 40+ years about this because I'm pretty sure I will go first. I want her to be happy and don't want her to hesitate to pursue another relationship after I'm gone. She doesn't always wear her rings because of her work or gardening and I have no idea how long she would wear them after I was gone, but I would think that if she met somebody else she would stop wearing them.

For me it would be a non issue as I don't wear a ring except for our anniversary dinners or maybe a wedding if I remember to put it on.

I think that once you decide you are ready to consider dating that it would be easier to start a relationship without the ring and having then to explain that you are a widower.

My guess is that you will meet somebody who is right for you either way, so you should do what you feel in your heart.

Thank you Roy,
I am 10 years older than Meredith. We both thought I’d go first. For 30 years, we would talk on the phone, about 12-15 times a day. That conversation is gone. I am thirsty for conversation. I just want a friend to start. I’m not looking for anything serious yet. I do not want to frighten someone off because of a ring.

quote:

Originally posted by Sigfan Roy:
Very sorry for your loss Mike, I can only imagine the pain.

I'm not a ring wearer, so you have to take my comments with a grain of salt. I agree with the folks who say do what feels right to you and don't worry about what others may think.

I guess I'm in the til death do us part crowd. I've talked to my wife of 40+ years about this because I'm pretty sure I will go first. I want her to be happy and don't want her to hesitate to pursue another relationship after I'm gone. She doesn't always wear her rings because of her work or gardening and I have no idea how long she would wear them after I was gone, but I would think that if she met somebody else she would stop wearing them.

For me it would be a non issue as I don't wear a ring except for our anniversary dinners or maybe a wedding if I remember to put it on.

I think that once you decide you are ready to consider dating that it would be easier to start a relationship without the ring and having then to explain that you are a widower.

My guess is that you will meet somebody who is right for you either way, so you should do what you feel in your heart.

BTW, you guys are awesome!

I took it off after 1 year. This October will be 14 years by myself.
She was 15 years junior to me and I also thought I go first .
My best for you.

I know one person who now wears the wedding ring on a nice strong chain around his neck. He says his ring makes him think she is near and dear to his heart.

I like that.

Thank you.

quote:

Originally posted by SeaCliff:
I took it off after 1 year. This October will be 14 years by myself.
She was 15 years junior to me and I also thought I go first .
My best for you.

I am not a widower, but like another poster to your thread, I wear a ring on a necklace in memory of someone I loved. My brother died over 30 years ago; I just haven’t gotten around to taking it off yet. I’ve actually added momentos to the chain from places I’ve gone.

Ironmike: I lost the love of my life 27 years ago.
I was by her bed side for her last breath.
In my tears I removed my ring and placed on my right hand,swore to God ,never to be put in this situation again.
I have kept my vows and my statement to God .
Everyone has different views on this and that is ok.

I'm sorry you lost your wife, that sounds terrible. I haven't been through that, but your post made me think about how I'd feel if I were faced with it.

Neither of us places too much importance on our rings (heck, I lost mine whitewater rafting earlier this year and while I took a beating from the people I went with, my wife was bothered that I felt bad about losing it, not that I lost it.) If I ever do lose her though, I think that my ring would become one of the most important things I own.

After thinking about it though, I think I agree with your sister. Wear it until you're ready to take it off, and when you are put it in the safe spot you keep your wife's ring.

You may be ready in months, you may not be ready for years or even ever. It doesn't really matter, you're the only one who can know when the right time is and that's ok.

When (if) you are ready to move forward and start dating others, I would want it off. Both to honor your marriage to the wife you lost, and to start fresh and honor your relationship with the women you're presumably interested in building a new relationship with. Your wife will always be a huge part of who you are regardless of whether you're wearing the ring or not, but If you're not ready to put it away and treasure what was you're not ready to move forward.

Anyway, that's just my rambling thoughts on how I'd feel if I were ever in your situation. I don't know if any of it's helpful, but my heart hurts for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Lucnik:

I have never worn a ring of any kind. Saw my grandfather loose his ring finger because of a wedding ring. I’ve always done construction work so rings were out.

Long time ago, I worked on RADAR equipment, high voltage stuff, and saw another guy get seriously injured when his ring came in contact with the wrong thing.

I never wore a ring after that. Many years later, my wife wanted to know what I wanted as an anniversary gift. I was no longer working on electrical stuff, so I chose a (belated) wedding ring. I don't know how long I have had it, surely at least thirty years and probably longer. It has been off my hand for a cumulative total of probably less than fifteen minutes during all that time.

My wife does not wear her ring 24/7 like I do, but she always puts it on before leaving the house, even if it's just a quick run to Aldi or Tractor Supply to pick up some cat food.

Sorry for your loss.

A quality got her shit together woman is unlikely to approach a man wearing a wedding band. If you approach her she’s likely to think you’re cheating. If you get the opportunity to explain it’s likely she’ll think you’re not ready for a new relationship.

Wore mine for a year before it got snagged on a stock trailer I was climbing out of. That was a wake-up call. Now it hangs on Kathleen’s necklace with her ring, on a wall in my home office.

I’m not interested in a new relationship, so that has nothing to do with my decision not to wear my wedding band any longer.

quote:

Originally posted by berto:
Sorry for your loss.

A quality got her shit together woman is unlikely to approach a man wearing a wedding band. If you approach her she’s likely to think you’re cheating. If you get the opportunity to explain it’s likely she’ll think you’re not ready for a new relationship.

I agree.

My wife passed 7/1/13. I moved my wedding ring to my right hand and wore it for several years. She had a terminal illness and I took care of her to the end. We had some candid talks about what I would do "after". I told her I would never re-marry and she replied "No, find someone who treats you at least as well as I do." I didn't tell her but I didn't want to go through the emotional and physical trauma of losing someone again.

Then I met someone who was so honest and open that I decided she was worth the risk of having to care for her to the end. I have been blessed by God to have not one but two soulmates in my life.

The bottom line: move at your own pace. Whether it's donating her clothes, rearranging the dresser or opening yourself to the possibility of another relationship don't worry about "when". You will know when it's time.

I am not a Quaker. But a newly-converted William Penn, after joining the pacifist Friends, asked George Fox if he should-- or could-- continue to wear his sword. Fox told him "Wear it as long as thou canst."

I haven't had to directly confront your question for myself but I think Fox's advice fits. You should wear it as long as you need to, and not a day or minute less.

And I am sorry for your loss, but also glad that you're navigating "after."

I agree with those who say, if you want to be in the market again, you need to take off the ring, and yes, no right thinking woman would approach a man wearing a wedding band.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I want to comment on wearing a black band. Many guys wear the black silicone wedding bands today for numerous reasons but mostly safety reasons. I was a hotel maintenance manager for over 32 years and have worn a silicone band because my hands were frequently around electricity or things that my gold wedding band could get caught on. I'm not sure if wearing one would be apparent to a lot of people as a sign of mourning or remembrance, but its what it means to you that counts.

I do think you will find what feels right for you and in your own time.

Again, I'm so sorry and will keep you in my prayers.