#1: True Golf Buddies

A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f__king mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I’m completely exhausted!
I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my f__king pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight !!!!


Why the f__k did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole!?"

"Because ... he’s thinking of getting married..."


#2: I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.


Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."


He replies: "Get out, you're on my side."

I need that, thank you.

New ones - funny - thanks!