If two vegans get in a fist fight, is it true that each had a beef with the other?

Come on guys, I’m positive you have bad jokes to post.

A rabbi with a cockatoo on his shoulder walks into a bar in the Lower East Side. Bartender says “Cool! Where’d you get that?”

Cockatoo replies, "Brooklyn. There's hundreds of them."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: V-Tail, May 25, 2025 03:53 PM

How many times do you have to tickle an octopus before it laughs? Ten, ten tickles.

A man rushes with his dog to the vet, but the doctor tells him the dog is dead. The man doesn’t believe it, so the vet goes to the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows.

“I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The dog sniffs the body and barks.

“I’m sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead, too.”

The man finally accepts the diagnosis and asks the vet for the bill.

“It’s 650 dollars.”

“650 to tell me my dog is dead?”

“Well, I would only have charged you $50 for my first diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test.”

- Today I woke up.

- How’s that a joke?

- That’s the joke.

I'm in great shape, <dramatic pause> for a bowling pin.

My waitress asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
We went three rounds before she knocked me out.

How does a cajun count to 5?

Dis one, dat one, dem two, and dee udder one.

Wife: If you really loved me you'd stop drinking!!

Husband: If I stopped drinking, I don't think I'd really love you...

What's Irish and stays out all summer long?

Patio Furniture

Is the chemical symbol for holy water H2Omg?

Nobody here would appreciate my jokes. Or at the very least, they wouldn’t admit it here. I swear it’s almost a contest with a few friends to see who can be the most disgusting, but I’ll give one a shot.

An old couple are relaxing on a park bench one morning. The wife grabs her purse and smacks her husband.
“Ouch, what’s that for”? He yells.
“That’s for 40 years of the worst sex any woman has had to endure”!
The old man goes back to reading his paper when suddenly he grabs his cane and jabs the wife in the ribs.
“Dammit why did you do that”? She yells.
The husband replies, “That’s for knowing the difference”!

My high school was so small we had drivers ed and sex ed in the same car.

Why did the "non-binary" prospector pack up and head west?
He heard there's gold in them/their hills.

Those who ignore the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
.

Standing at the urinal, the wall said "What are you looking up here for? The jokes in your hand"

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ?

Because 7 8 9

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says "hey, why the long face?"

I used this as an ice breaker on day one when I was teaching leadership in the Navy. It always worked great.

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
Why was 6 afraid of 7 ?

Because 7 8 9

Because it was a registered six offender.

Why does a scuba diver fall backwards when sitting on the side of the boat?

If they fell forward they would still be on the boat.