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Step by step walk the thousand mile road
Picture of Sig2340
posted
If two vegans get in a fist fight, is it true that each had a beef with the other?

Come on guys, I’m positive you have bad jokes to post.





Nice is overrated

"It's every freedom-loving individual's duty to lie to the government."
Airsoftguy, June 29, 2018
 
Posts: 33180 | Location: Loudoun County, Virginia | Registered: May 17, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
אַרְיֵה
Picture of V-Tail
posted Hide Post
A rabbi with a cockatoo on his shoulder walks into a bar in the Lower East Side. Bartender says “Cool! Where’d you get that?”

Cockatoo replies, "Brooklyn. There's hundreds of them."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: V-Tail,



הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
 
Posts: 32452 | Location: Central Florida, Orlando area | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
How many times do you have to tickle an octopus before it laughs? Ten, ten tickles.
 
Posts: 125 | Location: NEPA | Registered: February 28, 2019Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Only the strong survive
Picture of 41
posted Hide Post
A man rushes with his dog to the vet, but the doctor tells him the dog is dead. The man doesn’t believe it, so the vet goes to the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows.

“I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The dog sniffs the body and barks.

“I’m sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead, too.”

The man finally accepts the diagnosis and asks the vet for the bill.

“It’s 650 dollars.”

“650 to tell me my dog is dead?”

“Well, I would only have charged you $50 for my first diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test.”


41
 
Posts: 12410 | Location: Herndon, VA | Registered: June 11, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
Picture of 12131
posted Hide Post
- Today I woke up.

- How’s that a joke?

- That’s the joke.


Q






 
Posts: 29534 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Savor the limelight
posted Hide Post
I'm in great shape, <dramatic pause> for a bowling pin.
 
Posts: 12957 | Location: SWFL | Registered: October 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Void Where Prohibited
Picture of WaterburyBob
posted Hide Post
My waitress asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
We went three rounds before she knocked me out.



"If Gun Control worked, Chicago would look like Mayberry, not Thunderdome" - Cam Edwards
 
Posts: 16873 | Location: Under the Boot of Tyranny in Connectistan | Registered: February 02, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Short. Fat. Bald.
Costanzaesque.


Picture of TexasScrub
posted Hide Post
How does a cajun count to 5?

Dis one, dat one, dem two, and dee udder one.


___________________________
He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.
 
Posts: 2114 | Location: Victoria, TX | Registered: February 11, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
So let it be written,
so let it be done...
Picture of Dzozer
posted Hide Post
Wife: If you really loved me you'd stop drinking!!

Husband: If I stopped drinking, I don't think I'd really love you...



'veritas non verba magistri'
 
Posts: 4119 | Location: The Prairie | Registered: April 28, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fly High, A.J.
Picture of tk13
posted Hide Post
What's Irish and stays out all summer long?

Patio Furniture
 
Posts: 1654 | Location: Suffolk, VA | Registered: March 23, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Tinyman
posted Hide Post
Is the chemical symbol for holy water H2Omg?


______________________________

Stupid people are like glo-sticks.
I want to shake the shit out of them
till the light comes on
 
Posts: 332 | Location: Leeds, Alabama | Registered: August 28, 2019Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Nobody here would appreciate my jokes. Or at the very least, they wouldn’t admit it here. I swear it’s almost a contest with a few friends to see who can be the most disgusting, but I’ll give one a shot.

An old couple are relaxing on a park bench one morning. The wife grabs her purse and smacks her husband.
“Ouch, what’s that for”? He yells.
“That’s for 40 years of the worst sex any woman has had to endure”!
The old man goes back to reading his paper when suddenly he grabs his cane and jabs the wife in the ribs.
“Dammit why did you do that”? She yells.
The husband replies, “That’s for knowing the difference”!
 
Posts: 1793 | Location: Illinois  | Registered: July 14, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
More persistent
than capable
posted Hide Post
My high school was so small we had drivers ed and sex ed in the same car.


Lick the lollipop of mediocrity once and you suck forever.
 
Posts: 1132 | Location: North | Registered: August 27, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
Picture of egregore
posted Hide Post
Why did the "non-binary" prospector pack up and head west?
He heard there's gold in them/their hills.
 
Posts: 30089 | Location: Johnson City, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dances With
Tornados
posted Hide Post
Those who ignore the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
.
 
Posts: 12160 | Location: Near Hooker Oklahoma, closer to Slapout Oklahoma | Registered: October 26, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Standing at the urinal, the wall said "What are you looking up here for? The jokes in your hand"
 
Posts: 1597 | Location: Mason, Ohio | Registered: September 16, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of PowerSurge
posted Hide Post
Why was 6 afraid of 7 ?

Because 7 8 9


———————————————
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Psalm 14:1
 
Posts: 4186 | Location: Georgia | Registered: November 18, 2017Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view
posted Hide Post
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says "hey, why the long face?"

I used this as an ice breaker on day one when I was teaching leadership in the Navy. It always worked great.



“We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna

"I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally."
-Pranjit Kalita, founder and CIO of Birkoa Capital Management

 
Posts: 4079 | Location: Jacksonville, FL | Registered: September 10, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
My other Sig
is a Steyr.
Picture of .38supersig
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by PowerSurge:
Why was 6 afraid of 7 ?

Because 7 8 9

Because it was a registered six offender.



 
Posts: 9864 | Location: Somewhere looking for ammo that nobody has at a place I haven't been to for a pistol I couldn't live without... | Registered: December 02, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Why does a scuba diver fall backwards when sitting on the side of the boat?

If they fell forward they would still be on the boat.


 
Posts: 5558 | Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Registered: February 27, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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