I'm ashamed to say, that late to the game of parental responsibility with iThing devices.
I've come to realize my kids are burning through 8, 9, 10+ hours of screen time a day. I'm trying to figure out the iThings parental controls and get them applied. It's a little complex because some of the things they use are educational (e.g.: learning piano, and Japanese). But most of it is YouTube and NetFlix. No FaceBook, InstaGram or TicTock. Thank God I prohibited that already.
When i spoke with my daughter, she said, "what do you want me to do"? She's right. We don't live around other kids. And there's nothing much else to do. And the Interwebz is powered by AI bots designed to seize human attention and keep it for as long as possible.
I explained I have three goals. 1.) Keep them safe from bad people and things. 2.) Help them control how long they are on screen time. 3.) Get them out of their rooms and doing things with us as a family. Even if it's just hanging out and talking a little more. Or watching a movie together.
What I'm trying to find are a few solid sources/recommendations for maximum screen time per day. What approach have you guys/girls taken? Are any of you aware of any sources that will be a reasonable 3rd party foundation upon which to base my new draconian restrictions?
Also, any ideas for how to break down the communication gap between a middle aged dad and a teenage daughter would be appreciated. This is positively excruciating.This message has been edited. Last edited by: r0gue,
I’ll post more later, but you are not alone. I have a 13yo daughter. There’s a difference between chatting with her friends, playing games with her friends, learning a language or an instrument, verses some of the mindless things she could be doing on a screen.
Posts: 11017 | Location: SWFL | Registered: October 10, 2007
When you figure that out I’ll buy your book on how to do it. We’ve struggled with them being on their devices too but haven’t come up with a good plan yet. I’m more of a take away the device if you don’t listen guy but then my wife caves and gives it back which is a whole other issue.
You should be able to set time limits on their devices for how much overall time they can have, time on specific apps, etc. Which worked for us until they figured out we didn’t have a way to control the smart TVs per person so that idea lost some of its efficacy.
We usually just end up being the device Nazis and trying to control it that way. It’s frustrating and not fun but I suppose that’s all that a parent gets to experience some days.
--------------- "Structural engineering is the art of moulding materials we don't understand into shapes we cannot precisely analyze, so as to withstand forces we cannot really access, in such a way that the community at large has no reason to suspect the extent of our ignorance." Dr. A. R. Dykes
Posts: 2229 | Location: 500 Miles from the homeland | Registered: February 21, 2004
Yeah that’s a significant amount of time, though I know many adults who do the same. My biggest fear is safety for kids..we had many conversations about that.
Screen time is tough....even if you do have nearby kids to play with they will still have “too much” screen time, heck, even when together in groups the kids are on their devices. Rather than start WWIII by severely limiting access, we tried to create diversions, any kind really, four our son it was rock hunting, then mountain biking, selling sports cards, building stuff in his little shop in basement etc. it all helped.
I think you are on the right track and I like your comment “help them control” screen time - “making them” control screen time is not a good recipe, at least four us....try and make incremental progress as this is really an addiction but an unavoidable one in this age. Personally I would not take draconian action. One thing that did work is showing them how many hours they are on their devices and try to show them what is possible if that time were invested elsewhere...give them the power to decide...it worked for us to a large degree.
The teen communication thing can be even more complicated. Im the ‘bad cop’ and my wife is the ‘good cop’ so she gets more communication. Dads are protective and usually quick to shut things down, voice concern and invoke rules. I needed to listen more and react less (within reason). Im an older Dad so im probably tougher than my younger peers. My son is 18 and has been a handful over the years, since day one really. Increasing discipline and restrictions was not the answer for him, self discovery was his key- feed him the info the right way and he would process it and act, maybe not as quickly as I would like but it did work. He made some so-so decisions once in awhile and learned from them. The other night I received an out of the blue, sincere, “thank you” for us letting him be himself..man that felt good to hear. He also said all that stuff that he balked at over the years is now all starting to make sense - well at least most of it.I try to be brutally honest without being accusatory or overly nosy...stick to facts, subtly guide them and let them “discover” answers on their own as opposed to spewing your own extensive wisdom ( as right as you may be, it can sometimes come off as blah blah blah).
All that being said, all parents and kids are different- it’s really a complicated balancing act.
At this point that’s going to be extremely tough. It sounds like they need some kind of hobby that pulls them away from it because 10 hours a day is crazy even if it’s 100% educational. I don’t have young kids but I would imagine that is one of the biggest struggles with parents today.
One solution that I would suggest, that I use at my house, is a Pihole server. You can run it off of a cheap Raspberry Pi and it controls the DNS of the entire house. There are ways around it by changing the DNS settings on the devices but I think you can lock that down. You can also install PiVPN so that they can't just switch to cellular to get around it.
You can also change the upstream DNS to 1.1.1.3 filter out known malware and adult sites. I had trouble with that because it blocked an IP for my old email server. 1.1.1.2 is malware only.
With the Pihole you can watch logs of what is being viewed and lock down what you don't want coming in. It may not get them to limit time but it will protect the family from what's allowed in.
Btw, does your router have parental controls?
Posts: 45396 | Location: Pennsyltucky | Registered: December 05, 2001
rOgue... I completely empathize with you. We have the same issue. I have yet to figure out the answer, I will say that there’s an App called “Bark” that we use. It’s a monthly subscription. One of the many things it does is control screen time. I think that idevices have that ability on their own, but I’m not certain.
"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
Posts: 7004 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005
Originally posted by apprentice: One thing you could do as a family is watch "The Social Dilemma" on Netflix. She can get it straight from the tech gurus' mouths that way.
Originally posted by mark123: What is your network like?
One solution that I would suggest, that I use at my house, is a Pihole server. You can run it off of a cheap Raspberry Pi and it controls the DNS of the entire house. ..... Btw, does your router have parental controls?
I think the DNS is not as reliable as it once was for this sort of thing (Apps and stuff). Still probably worth a try.
Originally posted by 1s1k: At this point that’s going to be extremely tough. It sounds like they need some kind of hobby that pulls them away from it because 10 hours a day is crazy even if it’s 100% educational. I don’t have young kids but I would imagine that is one of the biggest struggles with parents today.
This pandemic shit is making that extra hard too. So much stuff is canceled, or ruined by restrictions.
The teen communication thing can be even more complicated. Im the ‘bad cop’ and my wife is the ‘good cop’ so she gets more communication. Dads are protective and usually quick to shut things down, voice concern and invoke rules.
Yeah man. I get grunts. Or totally ignored. Hurts like hell, because she was totally my baby for years and years. Teenage angst man. Ugh...
Its a tough one, and something a lot of parents deal with.
I know there are all sorts of apps and what not, but IMO the best thing to do, is just take the device away, and just engage with your kids. We don't live near other kids so I deal with that too. My daughter is 4, stepson is 15, so been dealing with the screen time thing for a while.
Hard time limits during school days, and during the weekend. If he (15yo) blows a time limit and still has school work to do, it is done at the kitchen table. All electronic devices turned at 9pm. If he wants to watch a movie, or something with the family after 9PM, that's a family activity and OK to us (but he isn't entertaining himself on a phone while watching the movie with the family).
What really helped the 15yo is making him understand it was a full blown addiction. Once that clicked for him, it was easier to help him mange his screen time, and understand the restrictions we put in place were helpful, not punishment.
For the 4yo, it is easier, she just doesn't get them unless it is a special occasion (long car trip, plane ride, etc). I much prefer to be taking to her, playing with her, doing projects, than handing her a phone or iPad.
Posts: 762 | Location: Athol, ID | Registered: October 07, 2011
Originally posted by mark123: What is your network like?
One solution that I would suggest, that I use at my house, is a Pihole server. You can run it off of a cheap Raspberry Pi and it controls the DNS of the entire house. ..... Btw, does your router have parental controls?
I think the DNS is not as reliable as it once was for this sort of thing (Apps and stuff). Still probably worth a try.
Everyone should have a whole house adblocker anyway.
Do you have a NAS with virtual machine capability?
Posts: 45396 | Location: Pennsyltucky | Registered: December 05, 2001
Originally posted by r0gue: I'm ashamed to say, that late to the game of parental responsibility with iThing devices.
iOS has a thing call Screen Time. Take your child's device and set up Screen Time with the limits you want, then set a password only you will know.
A more comprehensive (and complicated) method is to use Apple Configurator 2 to configure your devices. AC2 is available for Mac and PC. This is more of an enterprise like method, but can also be used for just your own devices. And you can set much more than just screen time.
When in doubt, mumble
Posts: 10793 | Location: South Congress AZ | Registered: May 27, 2006
Originally posted by mark123: What is your network like?
One solution that I would suggest, that I use at my house, is a Pihole server. You can run it off of a cheap Raspberry Pi and it controls the DNS of the entire house. ..... Btw, does your router have parental controls?
I think the DNS is not as reliable as it once was for this sort of thing (Apps and stuff). Still probably worth a try.
Everyone should have a whole house adblocker anyway.
Do you have a NAS with virtual machine capability?
I do not. We do backups to externals periodically, and keep files and photos in a cloud backup serice.
Originally posted by henryaz: iOS has a thing call Screen Time. Take your child's device and set up Screen Time with the limits you want, then set a password only you will know.
I'm all set up. Just need to drop in the limit. I'll be doing that today after a discussion.
I know most everything is done virtually but if I had young kids I would probably set an hour a day limit on "recreational" time. I know it's not the norm but I started buying antique books to read and I would get my kids reading physical books instead of doing it all online.
A friend of mine has three young kids, all under 6. He has no tv, no electronic devices (him and his wife have cell phones for emergencies only) and his kids do not know the difference. They play with each other and amuse themselves - just like it used to be. They do have friends that use all the electronic gizmos but that has not changed anything. Probably too late for you since you're a are older but it can be done. My friend will most likely be moving to a poor country in Central America to become a missionary so his kids will grow up free of the gizmos.
