A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper.

Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft.

They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright.

They said, this could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more; they had to know who they had found.

They called the police and said, we're the guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.

The police said, it's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.

Well, who was it?

The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion.

How do you tell if a blonde is full?

Her nose is running.

An Italian tourist visiting Florida asked a blond man why SCUBA divers fell backward off the boat.

The blond replied, “If they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.”

what do you call a blonde that dyes her hair?

Artificial intelligence

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down...

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $200 for your trouble”.

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

The one that still makes me chuckle, whenever I think about it, is the blonde, who went to see a talent show at the local high school.
One of the acts is a ventriloquist, whose dummy starts telling blonde jokes. After the first 4-5 jokes, the blonde stands up and begins loudly complaining about the jokes
demeaning women in general and blondes in particular. The ventriloquist is really taken aback and starts profusely apologizing, at which point the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little shit on your lap !"

A blonde and her boyfriend drove through the countryside, and passed a large field, surrounded by a fence. In the field lay a row boat, and in the rowboat, a blonde, who was actually trying to row the boat through the dirt.

The blonde in the car demanded that her boyfriend pull over, and the moment he did, she leapt from the car and climbed the fence and shook her hand at the blonde in the boat.

"She makes me so mad!" The blonde on the fence said. "Girls like that give blondes like me a bad reputation, and if I weren't dressed so nicely, I'd swim out there and give her a piece of my mind!"

A redhead is a blonde from hell.



What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Sorry, slight thread drift, this is not a blonde joke. It is, however, a funny observation of women vs men. Enjoy and laugh.





Link to original video: https://youtu.be/0KrOZe2SxoQ

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How do you drown a blonde?

Tell her there's a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

A blonde was driving through the country and happened upon a farmer driving a herd of sheep down the road. She thought they were cute and would make a fuzzy pet. She pulled over asked the farmer if she guessed exactly how many sheep where in the heard, if she could have one.

The farmer chuckled and told her sure, guess away knowing she would never get the answer right.

She guessed 112. The farmer was shocked but owing up to the agreement let her pick a sheep. Once loaded in the car the farmer stopped her and told her that he had a special skill too and could tell her three things about herself, and if he did, she had to give him something in return. She agreed

The farmer said "First, you're a natural blonde, second you're from the city, and third you've never been on a farm or seen a sheep up close.

Stunned the blonde agreed he was spot on accurate to which the farmer replied "Good, can I have my dog back Missy?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rightwire,

How do you know a blonde has been at your computer?

There's whiteout on the screen.

How do you know a redhead has been at your computer?

There's writing over the whiteout.

A blonde decides to go ice fishing.

She bundles up in her warmest winter clothes, grabs her fishing gear and a big ax and goes to find some ice.

After arriving at a nice patch of ice, she sets up her fishing equipment, then grabs her ax and raises it up to strike the ice.

Just as she does this, a big big big loud voice booms out from overhead "There are no fish under the ice".

She freezes, afraid to move, the ax still over her head. She waits a few minutes, nothing happens.

She starts to swing her ax at the ice, and once again the same big big big voice booms out from overhead "I ALREADY SAID, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"


She yells back "God, is that you?"

The overhead voice booms out again "No, this is not God, this is the ice rink manager. Please go find another patch of ice. I assumed the bleachers, concessions stands and scoreboard would have tipped you off. Now I can see that you're blonde. Go away".
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What did the blonde say she learned she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

quote:

Originally posted by LimaCharlie:
A redhead is a blonde from hell.



What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

My ex is a red head, so much anger.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where sitting in the waiting room of an OBGYNs office.

Redhead: I'll probably have a boy because he was on top.
Brunette: Well, I guess it'll be a girl for me because I was on top.
Blonde: (sobbing) OMG! I'm gonna have a litter of puppies.

What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

A woman was walking along a riverbank and looking for a bridge. She spotted a blonde on the far side and yelled across to her: "Excuse me, how do I get to the other side of the river?" The blonde looked at her, then looked up the river, then looked down the river, then looked back at the other woman and said "You're already ON the other side, silly!"

Q - How do you put a gleam in a Blondes eye?

A - Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What is a blonde's mating call?

"I'm so drunk."