Carla was adopted when she was an infant, she found that out when she was in Junior high.
Now that she is out of college , she is going to start searching for her other parents.

If you gave up a child 25 years ago, would you want them finding you ?

Carla is going to ask all the Wilburton's in the whole county about where her biological parent's, So basically all 19 of Milo and Jenn's reliative's are going to know about the adoption that took place .

what if M&J Wilburton don't want all gods children to know their business?

do biological parents have any privacy rights at all ?

is there a protocal ? either ethical or legal for who gets to spout off about whom ?

(1) I believe it's the child's right to search for the biological parents.

(2) It's the biological parents right to want to have something, or nothing to do with the adult child.

(3) The adoptive parent's get the shit sandwich of whatever becomes of (1) and (2)

The biological parents can stay anonymous, and often do. Legally the daughter cannot force the courts to open her adoption case. Also her adopted parents cannot stop her from searching, it is a free country, and she is past 18 y.o.

I was adopted in 1965. After my adoptive parents passed, I searched and found my biological parents, mother deceased, and father, still living. I also found 4 half siblings. It has been nice to find people that look like me.
The proliferation of affordable DNA testing exposes a lot of family secrets.

As long as the adoptive parents did a decent job, I think it's a slap in their face.
The adoptive parents did the heavy lifting when a vulnerable child needed their care and the bio parents checked out, for whatever reason.
The kid, now adult, may have some curiosity but they need to be an adult and get over it.

I was adopted in 1967. The state of Georgia allowed me to request "non-identifying" information from them, which actually was pretty identifying. For example, I learned my birth mother was a college student and my birth father a professor. Cue the bass riff.

Anyway, I'd asked due to my then wife having three miscarriages and I was looking for any health background I could on myself.

All that being said, yes, the child has every right in the world to go looking for their birth parent. Depending on the situation and I assume the state, that may be akin to hunting a needles in a haystack.

While I'm forever grateful that my birth mom elected to have me and put me up for adoption (considering the alternatives), I've never had a real desire to know who she or my birth father was.

I wonder if adult adopted folk give an Iota of consideration to the shit storm that may come from them inquiring to all tom's , dick's and harry's that they cross path's with

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
I wonder if adult adopted folk give an Iota of consideration to the shit storm that may come from them inquiring to all tom's , dick's and harry's that they cross path's with

Well, going around polling the locals is not generally how one goes looking for their birth parents.....but if the community is small, I suppose it's a technique. Not that it's a smart way to do it.

In my experience, quite a few of adoptees that are looking for their birth parents have a prince/princess delusion (think their birth parents are wealthy and are actively wanting contact with their biological children) and don't take in consideration how their adoptive family is going to react...by the way, most of these are using the "family medical history" as an excuse

I know many adopted people who search for their biological parents. In some cases the mother is thrilled and says that she never wanted to give up her baby but had no choice. In other cases the mother doesn't want to meet because she has a new life and never told anyone about the baby she gave up. Sometimes kidnapping was involved and the parents have been searching as well.

Wanting to know medical history is a valid reason. I would love to know if there are things I need to be aware of, but not enough that I'm going to search. Most people just want to know where they came from regardless of how their adoptive parents did.

quote:

Originally posted by 220-9er:
As long as the adoptive parents did a decent job, I think it's a slap in their face.
The adoptive parents did the heavy lifting when a vulnerable child needed their care and the bio parents checked out, for whatever reason.
The kid, now adult, may have some curiosity but they need to be an adult and get over it.

I'm right here, my adoptive parents are both passed, but it was my honor to have been raised by them.

It is complicated. There are no hard and fast rules. In general honesty and openness all around is best.

I was adopted from S. Korea and came to the US around 7. I know what happened to my father because he was murdered in front of me and my mother had to put me up for adoption.

Personally, I will not ever look for my mother. It isn't because I have any negative emotions about her, it's because I know who my parents are. They are the ones who brought me over (I joke they needed cheap child labor for the farm), got me my US citizenship, provided everything I needed and taught me everything I needed to be a decent human being.

What I tell other adoptees, don't ever tarnish the love, heartburn and gray hair of your parents by calling them adoptive parents. They are your parents.

IMO, from personal experience, adopted kids will always want to know their biological parents and not all are seeking new wealth.

Consider adopted Debra Harry who searched and found her mother, who wanted nothing to do with her.

quote:

IMO, from personal experience, adopted kids will always want to know their biological parents and not all are seeking new wealth.

That may well be your experience, but it hasn't been mine, nope.

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
I wonder if adult adopted folk give an Iota of consideration to the shit storm that may come from them inquiring to all tom's , dick's and harry's that they cross path's with

I know a lot of adults who were adopted as children...we just seem to find each other...and they do give their parents, who raised them, a fair amount of consideration. This is especially true if their parents were honest about their being adopted.

When children find out that they had been deceived/lied to all their lives, about their birth, they are much less considerate...no one likes being lied to.

quote:

So basically all 19 of Milo and Jenn's reliative's are going to know about the adoption that took place .

what if M&J Wilburton don't want all gods children to know their business?

M&J could have avoided all the drama if they had just been honest and open about adopting their child...surely they weren't naive enough to think it would remain a secret forever

quote:

When children find out they they had been deceived/lied to, about their birth,while growing up, they are much less considerate...no one likes being lied to.

This is my experience I posted.

Also I worked with a man who has spent his life seeking his Biological parents after discounting countless lies from family members.

My wife and I adopted two girls from the State. The older has demonstrative signs of fetal alcohol syndrome and the younger was born addicted to meth.

Flash forward a decade and the older has turned 18 and taken off. We don’t talk to her (her choice) and have no idea what she’s up to. She hates us and blames us for her having a miserable life and I doubt that’ll ever change.

The younger is doing well. She turned 14 last year and despite learning disabilities and extreme dyslexia she is a well adjusted teenager. Hopefully that’ll stay the same as we enter the crazy high school years.

It’s probably true that my wife and I weren’t perfect parents but we did the best we could do and it’s also safe to say that my children had economic advantages that I would have never dreamed of growing up a poor kid in the 70s. One day I hope the light will go on for my older daughter but that die has been cast and I am no longer in control. We tried to put her in the best position we could so that she can be a happy well adjusted individual. It’s up to her to make that next step.

Adopted within my first year, told about it when I was 8. I have my adoption papers and my parents went through quite the process to adopt me. I have never felt a need to find my biological parents. I have had passing curiosity very rarely, but I really don't care to know who they are.

My twin sister and I were adapted when infants in 1951.
My adapted parents never kept it a secret.
Both my adopted parents have passed. I would NEVER have seeked out my birth parents while they were alive. I would NEVER want to take any chance that they would feel hurt.
After they passed I checked with the State of IL. about obtaining my original birth certificate. They mailed it to me. On it was my birth mothers name and address and my original birth name.
My wife looked up my birth mother, she lived near-by in Milwaukee. She called her, my birth mother had NO INTEREST in meeting me.
END OF STORY! I will not make any other attempts to contact her. I appreciate her going full term with my sister and I and will forever appreciate her sacrifice.
My adapted parents were my parents no one else.