Today I've had to watch one of the jr DFs learn a lesson the hard way. When younlings become adults and spread their wings unadvisedly, we parents sometimes have to watch the consequences and let them happen. Out of respect for his privacy, I won't go into specifics other than to say this mistake was avoidable and costly. He is in the other room stinging right now. These are times when if I could do so without creating more grief later, I'd gladly remove his burden. But I should not, so I will not. This is probably the hardest aspect of parenting there is. Allowing the Jr DFs to learn from their mistakes is very painful sometimes. On the other hand, I am glad for the lessons my hard head has learned over the years. This does salve my aching heart right now.

You are right, parenting is hard (to do correctly).

All the lessons I learned well were learned the hard way, too.

I can tell you I have four, all grown now and raising their own. I get asked by them all the time. WHY IS PARENTING SO HARD? I tell them it is easy, you love them. Hang in there the results are worth it.

From their first stitch or cast. Grandkids, too.

Trouble is, you have to let them make their own mistakes, up to a point. Hopefully they live. Mostly they do, I guess, to experience the Revenge of the Grandchildren.

I am not a parent. Missed the opportunity. I do have a suggestion that you may or may not have already covered. A short conversation something like this -

"I am sorry, this is an expensive and painful lesson on many levels. Know that I have many such lessons myself, under my belt. In the future, if you ask, I might be able to offer some insight so you don't have to make them all yourself."

What? Well, he'll never grow up to be a special snowflake with that attitude, dad!

But yes. I learned some lessons myself as a young un.

quote:

Originally posted by Paragon:
I learned some lessons myself as a young un.

I might need new glasses. The first time I read that, I thought that you had learned some lessons as a young nun.

Good for you DF. It really hurts going thru that.

Somethings have to be learned, they can't be taught.

It's hard but it will pay you back ten fold down the road.

Sounds like you have a good handle on this parenting stuff.

I was thinking they dug another hole in the back lawn...

quote:

Originally posted by David Lee:
I was thinking they dug another hole in the back lawn...

Oh no you din't!


I think if there were another hole in the back yard he would crawl in it. He's feeling humiliated, vulnerable........and broke. As Chris42 suggested I had a discussion with him to ensure he understood why this happened so that he can learn the right lessons from it. We engineered the right path back together. He knows that though he must carry this load, we are there for support and encouragement. He knows we love him and that the larger loss would be to not learn from this. He will have to start back at square one and live humbly for a while. It's a good thing his boss is also his father (no, he's not a postal worker ). He's still very young and resilient. In less than a year this will all be a memory. If it's not too much to ask, maybe remember him in your prayers if you are so inclined.

Thanks for reading. I needed someplace to vent my emotion.

It's definitely a lot tougher being a parent than I ever imagined. You only want for your kids to make good choices and be happy. When those things don't come together, and you see them suffer, it rips you apart inside.

Good luck Darth, sounds like Jr. has everything he needs to succeed in life.

Prayers sent. Keep up the good work, dad.

I bet he will be just fine as he's got you for guidance. Dad is his rock of ages.

It's the right thing to do. Parents who erect a safety net for their children encourage further risk taking. Ultimately, the child does something that breaks the net with much worse consequences.

We have five children, all of whom are self sustaining adults.

I have a SIL who hasn't ever let her children be adults. She's happy because they all still depend on their parents but none of them have the satisfaction of accomplishing something on their own.

quote:

He knows that though he must carry this load, we are there for support and encouragement. He knows we love him and that the larger loss would be to not learn from this.

Good job, Dad. Though I know it's hard on you watching them learn... it's necessary.

Like Wasabibill says:

quote:

It's the right thing to do. Parents who erect a safety net for their children encourage further risk taking. Ultimately, the child does something that breaks the net with much worse consequences.

On the flip side, I think we all have a little more joy and satisfaction in their successes, and so do they, when they know they are earned rather than given.

Being a parent, done right, can have its rough times. Watching your child go through difficult situations can be heart wrenching but seeing them come out the other side is worth it.

When they became loving, respectful and productive members of society I realized that being a parent was the most wonderful, rewarding job I've ever been blessed with.

Prayers sent.

But the moments and memories of being a parent have such rewards that it can't properly be put into words.

My father was right; it's the greatest thing in the world.