September 20, 2021, 05:28 PM
RichardCWear leather!
Enjoy this monograph, anachronisms and all. 
Variation to the SunScreen song by Lews Therman.
>
>Custom modifications by Team Obnoxious, 5/11/99
>
>Ladies and Gentlemen .....wear Leather.
>
>If I could offer you only one tip for improving your life, leather would be
>it.
>
>The long term benefits of leather have been proved by serious bikers over
>many highways and many years, whereas wearing something unreliable like
>shorts and flipflops means you will experience a trip to the emergency
>room. There, uncaring nurses will scrub gravel out of your wounds, and
>doctors will dispense ineffective painkillers and meaningless advice...
>like telling you to trade that "murdercycle" in for a Camry.
>
>Bullshit. I will dispense some real advice right now:
>
>Enjoy the power and beauty of your ride; If you don't already; you can
>fully enjoy it by doing block-long smokey burnouts in the parking lot at
>the local drive-in.
>
>Trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of you and your pals
>on your bikes and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much fun you had
>and how fabulous you really looked hauling ass down the highway dressed in
>leather.
>
>Leather is as sexy as you imagine.
>
>Don't worry about what your Mom thinks; or worry, but know that worrying
>about what other people think is as effective as trying to scratch your
>nose in a blinding hailstorm at 80 m.p.h. with a full- face helmet and
>winter gloves on. The real troubles in your life are apt to be Volvo
>stationwagons, driven by some dipstick talking into his cell phone or doing
>her makeup; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some urban roadway and
>then claim you crashed into THEM.
>
>Do one thing everyday that scares other drivers... Lanesplit.
>
>Sing into your helmet. Use mouthwash first.
>
>Don't be reckless with other people's bikes, especially if you don't have
>insurance. Don't put up with people who mess with yours.... in fact, beat
>them with a chain.
>
>Ride Fast.
>
>Don't waste your money on chrome, or fancy paintjobs; spend it on racing or
>partying. Sometimes you're fast, sometimes you're slow. Sometimes you're
>hungover. The ride is long, and in the end, a cold beer tastes pretty damn
>good.
>
>Remember the good rides you've had, forget the cuts and bruises; try to
>wear out the sides of your tires before the middle.... if you succeed in
>doing this, tell me how.
>
>Keep your oil changed, throw away old traffic citations.
>
>Take chances.
>
>Don't feel guilty if you ride faster than the posted limit ...the most
>interesting people I know didn't know at 22 how to ride conservatively, all
>the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
>
>Get plenty of saddle time.
>
>Be kind to your passengers, you'll miss them if they fall off.
>
>Maybe you'll crash, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have surgery, maybe you
>won't, maybe you'll ride a cruiser off a cliff doing 40, maybe you'll get a
>new motocrosser for your 75th birthday ...whatever you ride, don't
>congratulate yourself too much - your choices are 90% foreign,10%
>domestic, so are everyone else's.
>
>Enjoy your bike, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what
>other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument of pleasure you'll
>ever own, not counting porn sites and a fast modem.
>
>Wrench... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your hotel room.
>
>Read the owner's manual, even tho' you won't remember any of it.
>
>Do not read American motorcycle magazines, they will only make you wish
>you'd bought a British one instead.
>
>Get to know your brake pads, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
>Be nice to your tires; they are your link to the pavement and the things
>most likely to save your butt from a nasty highside.
>
>Understand that mechanics comes and mechanics go, but for a precious
>talented few you should pay them well and buy them sixpacks. Work hard to
>bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older your bike
>gets, the more you'll need the mechanic who worked on it when it was young
>and still not paid off.
>
>Ride in New York City once, but leave before you get killed; ride in
>Northern California whenever possible, but leave a plausible excuse whan
>calling in sick for work.
>
>Do lurid wheelies.
>
>Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, traffic will get
>worse, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you
>were young, gasoline was cheap, the highway patrol couldn't catch you, and
>Harley owners weren't all yuppies.
>
>Respect your rev-limiter.
>
>Don't expect anyone else to see your bike unless it has really loud pipes.
>Maybe your bike has a big gas tank, maybe a smaller one; but remember,
>either way you'll have to make bathroom stops.
>
>Don't mess too much with your carburetors, or by the time your done, you'll
>be walking home.
>
>Be careful whose advice you buy, and save your receipts. Don't take advice
>from those who supply it for free, especially if they own a Britbike.
>
>Motorcycle restoration is a form of self-torture. Doing it is a way of
>pulling the past from the dustbin, degreasing it, painting over the rusty
>parts and dumping way more money into it than it's worth.
>
>But trust me on the leather...