At times this has been an issue for me. One I regret and my wife is great to remind me when i loose patience. My father has been a great father and deserves only the best from me.

Maybe this will be a reminder to those of us that have aging fathers. That they all deserve our best. At least those who have been great fathers.

Treat them well guy's. They deserve it.

https://www.pawbuzz.com/a-touc...r-son-and-a-sparrow/

There is also a video in the link.

A nice reminder and a test many will have to face.
I was lucky that both parents never had that and were relatively healthy right up until the weren’t.

It is simply a reminder that we need to have patience and to love them. As they had always done for us. It is the least we can do.

This is a topic that has been pressing me increasingly for the past several years. My dad has been a good father by any standard. He sacrificed in countless ways for his family. There is no way a child can ever grasp all of that sacrifice since for the first part of our lives we are not that sentient. In my case selfishness prevented me from a full understanding until in my 50s.

My parents are at the end of their lives. They are suffering the kinds of things people at the end of their lives suffer. He has dementia. She has frailties that accumulate to send her to the ER three times a year. He fell three time in December. She fell last Saturday and couldn't get up. Thank heavens my sister moved in with them.

At the end, people age exponentially. My parents are no exception. I knew this was coming and in my selfless period, wanted to spend time with him doing what he liked. So we've been going to model train shows together for over ten years. We walk around and he tells me about his youth during the train culture before flight was affordable. He points out this train and that one. What are their differences and purposes. Which line was located where. It's fascinating but over my head. I don't retain much.

As years passed he slowed down. It takes a long time to make our rounds of the show. We're down to two a year. We walk and he talks. I listen and ask questions. Not fake ones. I really want to know. He loves telling me.....teaching me. The big event for him was the restored Big Boy steam engine that is out of Evanston, Wy. We went to the big reveal in SLC. I took lots of pictures of his now stooped frame in front of the contrasting iron monster. He took a couple of me in front of one of the huge steel wheels. I got a clob of grease in my hair from one of the drive bar things (I forget what they're called). Afterwards we always grab lunch together, just him and his son.

There's a lifetime of healing and closeness made up in a very short time. When his time comes, I'll be alone. I doubt I'll go to a train show again. But I'll have the memories and pictures.

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:


As years passed he slowed down. It takes a long time to make our rounds of the show. We're down to two a year. We walk and he talks. I listen and ask questions. Not fake ones. I really want to know. He loves telling me.....teaching me. The big event for him was the restored Big Boy steam engine that is out of Evanston, Wy. We went to the big reveal in SLC. I took lots of pictures of his now stooped frame in front of the contrasting iron monster. He took a couple of me in front of one of the huge steel wheels. I got a clob of grease in my hair from one of the drive bar things (I forget what they're called). Afterwards we always grab lunch together, just him and his son.

There's a lifetime of healing and closeness made up in a very short time. When his time comes, I'll be alone. I doubt I'll go to a train show again. But I'll have the memories and pictures.

That's touching and it's time well spent. My dad was never much of a talker.

I dont have many regrets in life, but one big one is not getting to know and spend time with my old man after I grew up. I now want to know how his WWII experiences shaped him in later life. Some years after my Mother died, I learned she had a daughter during WWII and she was shipped off to a maternity hospital for several months to have the baby and conceal the fact she was not married. This information rocked me to my core and brought forth so many unanswerable questions about my Mothers life. I wish I could have spent more time with both of them.

You can never replace the time you didn’t spend with your father.

I hear ya, Darth.
Mother is 98. In the past one year has had a broken hip, covid, and increasing memory loss. Mother is at my daughters in a Mother in law type setting. We built a tiny house type thing for her. Mother's memory forgets things like a Dr visit 3 days prior. Thank goodness the kids and I can do what we have to do for Mother. I am tasked with the business end of things. Like sorting our Mother's many years accumulation of stuff. And eventually selling off the home.

It's interesting the things you learn about your parents if you listen. A couple of years ago while talking with my dad at one of our train show lunches I mentioned a recurring daydream I had was being able to spend a year with 10 generations, all of us in our prime. That would be my sons, me, him, my grandfather, great grandfather, great great grandfather etc. all spending enough time together to learn all we could about each other, have adventures, work together.....imagine what we would learn. I sometimes think how Hollywood's creativity is tapped out but an inspirational plot could be found in my day dream. My dad chose that lunch to reveal a family secret to me about my grandfather, his dad.

Seems when you are a high school drop out in the 1920's but earn enough money to buy a fast boat and live along the Ohio river, you can run booze for Mr Capone's outfit. Before too many years, my grandfather, single young man, had the nicest car in town. He had his own house and a sweet speed boat. Now, if you knew my grandfather as I knew him later in life, you'd never believe this story. He was a straight arrow Lutheran. No smoking, no booze, no gambling, faithful husband, 7 kids worked in the pottery field for decades. Except there was this period in his youth.....

So what happened? Well he liked this young lady who would not go out with him unless her sister chaperoned. So he took them both out on his boat and spent the day. Turns out he fell in love with the chaperone. My grandmother was a steel core Lutheran. She wouldn't see him unless he went to church with her. They fell in love, but she wouldn't marry him unless he stopped running booze and.........sold all of his ill gotten gains. She wanted no part of that life. So that's what he did. My dad wasn't clear what they did with the proceeds, but it was the depression era by then so it probably wasn't much anyway.
Skip ahead many decades and my grandfather became the man I knew. Quiet, humble, diligent, Lutheran and hated the government ferociously.

My great uncle, grandpa's older brother, was also just left of the law in his late 20's-early 30's and found himself being hunted by local LE. He built himself a raft, launched it into the Ohio river and floated to the Mississippi river and on down to New Orleans where he somehow convinced local law enforcement that he was in that field and they hired him. The details are sketchy because he was hiding from LE at home so not much correspondence with family. He eventually got in trouble again and fled to Houston where again he became an officer of the law. He left after a decade there and returned home where he......became a preacher and did that until he passed away in his late 90's. Someone in the family inherited the pistol he carried while an officer in Houston. I don't know what became of it, but it was a Colt of some kind.

All these years I had no idea. Grandpa and his brother wanted that part of their lives to just go away. I would love to sit with them and hear it from their mouths.

My dear old Dad loves to read and write. All the stories, since childhood to adulthood then old age, that he told us, he wrote them down and made a book. Each of us gets a copy. Of course, the interesting stories are ones from before we were born, or when we were just babies.

Along with my siblings, taking care of my Mom for several years before she passed is the thing I will cherish forever.

quote:

Originally posted by Didls:
You can never replace the time you didn’t spend with your father.

I assure you you can. I've been doing it for nearly 40 years. Went from "not by choice" to "Wouldn't waste my time"

Mine can't die soon enough. The world will be better with the additional oxygen.

I'm happy for yall that got good dads, I often wonder how I am doing as a father, but always settle on the fact that they'll never be able to say I wasn't there for em.

Thanks for the post ORC.
I retired a bit early specifically so my wife could help with her mom and I could be there to help my parents. (We were 1000 miles apart)
It's not easy but I know it's the right thing for us. Dad has had Parkinson's for a dozen years now and it can be really tough to see it's negative impact on his life. Hate that disease with a passion.
Judgement goes out the window with that disease and it can be really frustrating to see some of the crazy things he does. Like getting up and launching himself across the room without his walker despite the fact he's already fallen twice that day. When he does remember it he will likely have a cookie in one hand and his water bottle in the other, rendering the walker useless anyway.
So again, thanks for the reminder to keep things in perspective.

My dad will be 95 in April and is still healthy and sharp as a tack. I am flying up to see him for his birthday.

Timely. My father had a massive heart attack today (his 2nd one). I jumped in the car and drove 200 miles to visit him in the hospital. Tomorrow is his 87th birthday. I am acutely aware I don't have much more time with him. He was a hard charger up until 2 years ago. The last year has been a lot of time in the hospital. We have had some great times together, many great hunting and fishing trips. My turn to look after him.

I’m with otosig.

My step father was a waste of time and oxygen. Glad he is gone. I try to be the best father for my son. I hate to be negative but it is what it is.

Good thing my dad was an asshole. Kidding kidding.


Guy in Oregon who had a car shop I spent some hours talking to and getting to know had his old dad give me a ride home so my SUV could have the valve covers replaced, Dick was his name and it was a family shop 3 generations IIRC. It's an hour out to my place in the middle of nowhere, Dick wasn't thrilled and made sure if he didn't get back by dinner someone had to pay.

The whole ride he talked to me about their elk hunting and God and his life. Told me the mountains in TX where I'd come from were only hills. Gave me a mini new testament bible. I felt it was a special ride. I didn't know anyone in Oregon at the time.

The next year, my piece a shit car had to go back to the shop and I took it to him again. On the ride there I was struck by a heavy dark feeling, Dick came over my mind and I kinda just knew he passed. Hadn't thought a thing about him before.

When I got to the shop, I asked him how Dick was doing before anything else hoping he wasn't going to say it. Dick passed a couple weeks prior. I spent the next 3 hours chatting with him, looking at his family picture albums (actually interesting), and it was tough at times.

He said to me, "ya know they say you never grow up until your dad dies." That stuck with me. Never heard it before, don't know where it came from, don't understand it, but I think it might be right.

My dad is still around running marathons, and I'm basically a child.

My Dad died two years ago next week at the relatively young age of 66. I am blessed to have had a great relationship with him, though, and there were no regrets when he died for either of us.

I, like everyone, wasn't always as patient as I could have been but would give anything to hunt birds with him one more time.

My father passed away last year due to post Covid clotting at the ripe old age of 81. We miss him dearly and there isn't a day that goes by that something doesn't remind me of him or I see something that I know my dad would just start laughing at.

He was an amazing and Godly man. Brilliant, caring, extremely street smart and always there for you. When they get older you just have to take time, be patient (as they may be struggling themselves but not showing it),and listen. He shared a great deal of wisdom with us but many times it was his behavior and mannerisms alone that was the example.

Back about 15 years ago he had some health issues crop up due to high blood pressure and such. It was then I just knew that I needed to maximize my times with him going forward. I don't regret calling him a few times a week, visiting as much as possible and taking him to the range (golf or gun) and just being with him. If your father is a man worthy of much I highly encourage you to spend that quality time as you just can't get it back. The other thing is that there are many older men (several in my church and at work) that really just want someone to listen and spend some time with. Don't short sheet them either. With so much going on in the world that is trying to tear men down we need to do everything we can for our fathers and sons (if you have them) to encourage and build them up.

Godspeed ya'll

After Dad's heart attack on Friday he needs to move from Assisted Living to have more care at a Nursing Home. I'm at Assisted Living today packing up his room and they ask if I will sign out his gun. Yep, brought his Ruger Blackhawk .357 last year and they asked to lock it up in the safe. I am not one bit suprised.

My Grandfather had a .38 snub nose in his Nursing home they took away from him 30 years ago. Apparently it is a family tradition!

I have as much patience for my father as he had for me. My stepmother gets a kick out of seeing the way we interact, she loves how the tables turned.

My house, my chair. That was his rule, and I've used it to kick him out of my chair as he did to me.

My car, my time... if he's not ready to go by the minute planned, he'll catch hell from me. Doesn't matter how arbitrary the time seems, he made it this way so we abide by it.

I have learned from his example and tend to be a bit softer with others than he was, but he will always get the treatment he delt... "Do onto others as you'd have them do onto you"