My son is 12 and almost 13. Usually a very nice kid. All A student, does tae kwon do, advanced classes, usually very polite.

Lately he is a nasty smart ass with a bad attitude.

I guess this is teenage behavior setting in? How do you keep from smacking the tude out of them?

Maybe you should smake the 'tude out of them?

Then again, I don't have kids.

Take him out for a meal at a place he likes and talk with him casually. It also does not hurt to talk to his teachers and taekwondo instructors. You want to keep a communication channel open.

quote:

Originally posted by BBMW:
Maybe you should smake the 'tude out of them?

Then again, I don't have kids.

Guys when a member is asking for help, and you don't have any experience with the topic, you don't have to post.

Please let people get the help they are looking for, without having to wade through snark.

I had the same problem with my son at just about that age. Every time he would get out of line I would restrict him from his favorite activities. First thing I jerked was his tae kwon do lessons. The second thing to get jerked was his internet access (that meant games were out). It didn't escalate beyond that and I had zero problems with him from that point on. I'm not saying this approach will work with your son but it is definitely worth a shot.

I’m there too. Mine usually corrects himself when he experiences the loss of electronic privileges. Talking and questioning of what’s wrong yields a reply of “nothing “.
Of course, a good smack helps too.

He is testing the waters. He is getting it from one of his buddies most likely. Don't allow it. The old "snip it in the bud". Now not later. imho. Good luck

difficult years for them & for the parents.

I'd go online and remover her ability to send or receive texts.
When she realized this, we would have a discussion. How long to turn it back on depended on her --
she is strong willed so I would not tell her how long OFF until she asked. Than it was that the 1 week clock would start.
The trick (not always easy or even evident) was making her actions her problem.
Worked with her .... for others, YMMV.
Good luck.

Testosterone?

I would not restrict physical activity / training.

I would purposely and intensively include him in all my activities.

Finding (discovering) who we are can be stressful to some, and result in misdirected anger. Also, learning that you are not the coolest kid in school, or that you can't play varsity, or that you can't really do math that well, whatever it is, can result in anger displayed that is really disappointment in not reaching or achieving a personal image.

Comes with the age. In fact - I want my kids to have 'some' spice to them.

Emphasis on 'SOME'.

I never went the corporal punishment route and have reasons why.

But I am a HUGE proponent of the 'I control your environment' style of discipline.

No TV. No Playstation. No cell phone. No whatever the heck it is he LOVES until he gets the point.

Wife MUST back you up. No waffling.

Sometimes as a parent you have to be the Bad Cop. I have no issues doing that when I have to. But I don't expect perfection and I hold no grudges. After the event is behind us - I put it behind us.

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He really is a good kid, he doesn't get into any real trouble, he just has this shitty attitude and it just pops up out of nowhere about the stupidest stuff.


and I don't put up with crap, trust me. I shut it down quickly. It's just happening more and more lately.

I got like that with my parents around that age. Just became a real smartass. I started cursing all the time around my mom, not really listening to what they asked me, stuff like that. I remember this pretty well because of the way my dad finally reacted after one particular incident.

My dad is a very mellow man and didn't lose his temper easily. This particular incident though I was cursing, saying damn this and damn that in front of my mom, and my father told me to quit it. I didn't. We had just pulled into our driveway and were walking up to the front door of our house when i let loose another swear. The next thing i knew i was airborne, literally airborne, flying through our front door landing a good 10 feet inside the house. I turned back incredulous to see my father standing there looking furious. My tune began changing a bit after that.

It was other things of course that led me straight, but that particular moment is seared in my brain.

I'm not recommending you get physical, but it was made crystal clear to me that I crossed a line and it wasn't going to be tolerated.

Is he getting enough sleep? Mine tends to do well until he is tired and then he turns into a snarky little troll with sass about everything. A few nights of early bed seem to do the trick.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:

It's just happening more and more lately.

yeah that's definitely part of the increase in T and basic adolescence.

keep him engaged in productive activities and you should be okay.

I remember how i was back in those days - I wanted to drive fast, chase girls, drink beer, scrap, play football, etc. Just a rage of increased T looking for outlets.

Have y'all had a 'sit-down' lately and reviewed what behaviors are permitted / not permitted? As adults sometimes we take for granted our kids / teens will know that stuff on their own.

If it's been awhile - he may have conveniently forgotten. We have those conversations every few months to discuss in a calm environment - what the 100% expectations are -- the rights and the wrongs and the repurcussions. Also a good chance to give praise to - for all the good stuff they are doing. Kids want to hear positive reinforcement too.

I still remember specific compliments my dad gave me when I was young. (I am over 50) He didn't hand out praise too much. I try to let my kids know when I am proud of the good stuff they are doing.

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Several years ago a parent had similar issues down here. He was especially a jerk at school. His mother went to school with him for several weeks, walked him in the halls, had a desk right next to him, etc. After about three weeks he turned into a little angel. Not everyone has the time, but it was effective in this case.

We never accepted that behavior from our son.

For the minor attitude type stuff we would call him on it and make it clear that it was unacceptable. No real punishment, just a discussion.

For the bigger stuff we would do more traditional punishments like grounding and taking away his fun stuff. The most effective punishment I ever pulled was when I took his bedroom door off. It was a last resort thing but taking away his privacy was huge.

Around that age we also made it a point to do more things with him, things that he wanted to do. We felt that the more time we spent together doing fun things might overcome the typical teenage drift. We also stayed on top of what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Yes, we spied on him, searched his room, put a keylogger on the computer, and tracked his on-line activities. Pre smart phone days so we did not have todeal with that headache.

With my son, he usually responded best to me expressing how disappointing his behavior was and how hurtful it was. During those years he was living with me and my parents and I think their interactions with him help keep it to a minimum.

I do agree with the comment that you want them to have some sass, not too much though and sometimes it is hard to figure out where that line is.

Good luck!

It may be he is just testing his limits. We raised four and several had some rough patches at that age. They all grew up to be fine responsible adults and parents. I also encountered many surly youths professionally in my career. Never allow a child to disrespect parents or any adult for that matter. Disrespectful children carry that behavior into adulthood and it will cause them problems until they leave Parris Island. Disrespect should have immediate negative consequences. Talking to teachers and the martial arts instructor would be helpful. Also what do you know about his friends? Eliminating assholes from his orbit might be indicated. I agree that you must keep the lines of communication open. Restrictions work.

My oldest turns 13 in less than a month so I'm right there with you. Mine has an attitude and has become quite the magician; he disappears anytime there's work to do. He had speech delay and went through four years of speech therapy from 4 to 7 years old and could speak in a manner that everyone could understand. All of the sudden, nobody can understand what he's saying again.

The icing on the cake is my sweet pea; my beautiful, smart, funny baby girl is changing as well.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
He really is a good kid, he doesn't get into any real trouble, he just has this shitty attitude and it just pops up out of nowhere about the stupidest stuff.


and I don't put up with crap, trust me. I shut it down quickly. It's just happening more and more lately.

My son was and is a good person. Very smart and analytical. That's how he figured out that more smart assery results in a less fun life. Good luck dude, once you get past this part the rest will be relatively easy. At least it was for our family. He will know who is king of the castle. Do not back off your decision whatever it is.