Go | New | Find | Notify | Tools | Reply | |
| Member |
I would try the completely honest approach. Tell them that you are not interested. Anything less is dishonest, usually in the name of not wanting to offend. If they insist after that they are truly being a pest and need to be told so. Giving excuses is something we have convinced ourselves is the polite way of saying no. Usually the truth is that we give excuses to spare ourselves the uncomfortable feeling of being completely truthful. You owe nothing to an invitation other than a response. I will not feign interest in and attend a gathering to please someone at my own expense. Some people don’t like taking no for an answer. Tough. Decline politely and breathe easy. Some people need to learn to handle rejection. | |||
|
W07VH5 |
I’m not sure if I implied that I wasn’t honest with them but to clear it up, no just doesn’t work with extroverts. They think they’re doing me a favor. I guess I can appreciate that and I’m also envious of you that have control of all the people in your lives. | |||
|
| Member |
Oh no I didn’t mean to imply anything. It certainly doesn’t work with everyone, some people continue to badger because they haven’t learned to take no for an answer. My point was that even though it feels awkward, because that’s only natural, I will politely say no I don’t have any interest hoping that they will not continue to push. If they do, I will tell them I will not be attending please don’t ask again. After that I can walk away breathing easy because I know I don’t owe anything after that. If they are upset, that’s on them. Declining isn’t rude. Badgering is. It’s definitely not an easy thing to do. But I can walk away without being stressed. Sorry, I’m not the best at getting my point across in words. | |||
|
Not really from Vienna |
Yesterday I told my niece I wouldn’t be attending their New Year’s Eve party because I’m “antisocial”, and I go to bed about the time their party is starting. She said she understood completely and wished she could do the same thing. Sometimes the direct approach works, other times you might be dealing with a bonehead. | |||
|
| Member |
^ I feel like we would be friends. As to the OP, I have the advantage of not being in a situation to be invited to get together by either clients or friends/co-workers of the spouse (I'm single). My friends have known me long enough to know I'm not interested. Family still expects me to hit the big events, even though I'm miserable every year. I think the best advice is as presented above. Be honest and forthright about your issues with traditional holiday gatherings. You understand the reaction you are likely going to receive and can be prepared to explain your stance in advance. I think the religious and dietary restrictions are perfectly valid reasons to politely decline. And if you are still requested to attend, they will know of them in advance and "should" be will8ng to accommodate if they insist you still attend. A Perpetual Disappointment... | |||
|
| W07VH5 |
Thanks guys. I’m just getting anxious about tonight. I appreciate all the conversion and emails. It does help.  I’ll be fine, I’m sure. | |||
|
| Member |
Get dressed up, get in the car, turn off the phone, and go to the library. Or a store, or a park, or where-ever. Hang out, chill out, then go home in peace and quiet. When asked about it later, the response is, "I *told* you I wasn't coming, didn't I?" Edited to add: if a spouse is involved, they get to pick which store to go to. === I would like to apologize to anyone I have *not* offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly. | |||
|
God will always provide |
I’ve found saying no thank you and sticking to it eventually sinks in with most. But hell I’m pretty much a hermit except for my immediate family. Party’s , eating out with groups , just not in my wheelhouse. | |||
|
Member |
If you claim a highly transmittable, incurable skin disease the invitations dry up fast. U.S. Army 11F4P Vietnam 69-70 NRA Life Member | |||
|
Oriental Redneck |
^^^ Yeah, secondary syphilis would do the job pronto.  Q | |||
|
Happily Retired |
The older you get the more you realize that life is just to damn short to be doing things that you really don't want to do. .....never marry a woman who is mean to your waitress. | |||
|
| Get my pies outta the oven!  |
This is the first year my wife’s family isn’t doing this crazy Christmas thing where EVERY FRIGGEN relative shows up to her parents house for like 3 whole days starting every December 26 and I’m expected to attend and act like I’m having a wonderful time. Her aunts and uncles kids are all having kids now and it’s just getting too much for all the older relatives and I’m outwardly sad for her family but inside I’m doing this:  | |||
|
| Peace through superior firepower  |
I wasn't going to respond in this thread, but I have to ask. I ask you in all seriousness- are you really this miserable? Have you no interest at all in other people? Do you find no pleasure in the possibility of finding someone in events such as you describe, whom you might find interesting? I like solitude, or at least the version of it I have cultivated for myself in this life, so, I can relate to your attitude to a degree, but, man, you sound miserable. Is there nothing which stimulates your imagination, that you might want to share with other people from time to time? For me, as with a lot of people, a little bit of social interaction goes a long way. The holiday season of November/December leaves you most of the year to dwell in your Fortress of Solitude. Are you truly an honest to goodness full-on misanthrope who finds no joy in others? I have to say that I am surprised to read this from you, having known you here for all these years. Quite frankly- and I don't say this flippantly- even though you say you don't drink, it seems like a few cocktails might do you a world of good in the short term. There is more that I could say about you post, but I've probably said too much already. Perhaps I've misinterpreted your remarks. Submitted candidly and in earnest. | |||
|
Member |
HEY, MARK, DON'T GO TO THE PARTY! Now. You can tell me to shut up and mind my own business. And then you can stay home, and tell people who ask why you didn't go to the party that you had to deal with some joker shouting nonsense at you and you just couldn't make it. God bless America. | |||
|
| Saluki |
“This might not make sense, but I am extremely uncomfortable around a group, please understand I simply can’t attend these gatherings any longer.” ----------The weather is here I wish you were beautiful---------- | |||
|
Prepared for the Worst, Providing the Best |
This pretty much describes me. I'm an introvert. It's not that I don't like people...I can have a great time with one or two friends, hanging out and having meaningful conversation. But big groups are exhausting...noise, pandemonium, and meaningless small talk. This Christmas was the perfect example. Christmas morning was awesome. I woke up around 6:00am to let the dog out, stoked the fire, and curled up on the couch with the dog as the kids and wife slowly made their way out of bed. We had breakfast, opened presents, and had a great time together. Then in the afternoon my wife's entire extended family descended on the house, along with some family friends. All good people, no drunken shenanigans or bickering or anything like that...just a lot of noise and chaos. The little nieces and nephews were running around everywhere and riling up the dog so we had to shut him in our bedroom...I ended up hiding in there with him for the better part of the night, and my oldest son eventually snuck away and joined us. Big groups of people just aren't my thing. | |||
|
| Member |
I'm in the same boat. I normally end up working double shifts this time of year. My wifes family, who are mostly retired or wirk for the school system so they are off for 2 weeks has about 10 Christmas parties. And it's always the sane people at these parties. I'm done with it | |||
|
| Prepared for the Worst, Providing the Best |
Yup...nothing worse than putting in a 12 to 16 hour day and then having to attend some pre-arranged social event in the evening, and engage in a bunch of meaningless chatter instead of being home in bed where you want to be because you have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go back to work. It's even worse now that I'm diabetic because I don't even get to eat or drink anything they're serving. Thankfully my wife loves me and has learned to exclude me from as many of those things as possible. | |||
|
| W07VH5 |
Miserable? In general, no. At a forced social interaction? 100% yes. This particular one comes at a time when every day, all day, everyone that i know has needed me. Not that I mind but it’s been constant. It was also kind of suddenly sprung on me. I often get asked to go see my pals play cover tunes at a local club. It’s not forced and I usually go, make an appearance, listen to some tunes and tell them they do good work. See, that’s totally different than “We know you don’t do the things we do but we want to involve you in them anyway, so we’re going to force you into attending by making you feel obliged because we had this get-together just for you.” I’m certain that they care for me but by forcing me to attend just pushes me away. I’m not misanthropic but I am ok with not fitting in to every situation. It seems others are not ok with me being ok with not fitting in. | |||
|
| Member |
Spent 40, or so, years in this position and ofttimes yielded for the wife or work politics sake. I no longer work, and my wife passed years ago. I politely decline invitations to gatherings, family or otherwise, once. If it's pushed, politeness goes out the window. My dog and I are perfectly happy keeping each other company. If I want to see someone, I visit, or they visit me. I have no need to see everyone, all at once, in a group dynamic. PS. I had to look up misanthropic. What a great word that I can't believe I haven't heard in 70 years. It certainly would have saved a lot of time had I known it before now. ____________ Pace | |||
|
| Powered by Social Strata | Page 1 2 3 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
© SIGforum 2025