I really hate being involved in social get-togethers. Especially, the holiday themed ones. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t eat the food they serve, I don’t know if their sportsing team is winning or losing and I don’t celebrate their religious holidays. I just don’t have anything in common with any of these people and I just don’t want to be there.

When I say I can’t attend that day, they change the date for everyone else which makes me feel horrible. If I just say no they insist incessantly. Can we please just stop forcing people into social situations that they don’t want to be in?

Perhaps they genuinely like you, enjoy your company, and want to see you?

quote:

Originally posted by ArtieS:
Perhaps they genuinely like you, enjoy your company, and want to see you?

But they don’t know me. Friends, sure, I’ll be there. Clients? Wife’s co-workers? I don’t get it.

They just don't know any better

I feel your pain. My mother-in-law's side of the family forces holiday get-togethers on everyone no less than four times per year. Hardly anyone seems to like it anymore. Even the folks that used to be the driving forces are becoming bitter. It's actually a bit sad, in a way. Me, my wife, and her father have always hated the events, so we feel some sort of weird vindication now, but it's bittersweet. The folks who organize this stuff have the best intentions, but it doesn't seem sustainable anymore. I don't really know why. The "family values" in our household are strong, but don't extend into the cousin realm like they used to. I suppose I perceive an erosion of the extended family; perhaps a proliferating Western culture shift.

We are retired, and like living a low profile, and are NOT social butterflies. Had enough of parties and get togethers when we were younger.

Pound 2 5-hour energy & let the fireworks fly

Kidding, of course.

The truth is the best. Politely say no and you have other things to do. If pressured further it is their issue not yours.

No is a complete sentence. SIGforum is about as social as I get.

quote:

Originally posted by pace40:
No is a complete sentence. SIGforum is about as social as I get.

I wish it were understood that way.

I guess you never have been tagged 'life of the party', ehh?

How very Larry David of you.

We may be brothers...

Fortunately I have many, MANY years of practice being an ass, so I'm good with just saying "Thanks, but no thanks" and letting them deal with it.

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:
I guess you never have been tagged 'life of the party', ehh?

I bring nothing to the situation. I also draw nothing out so I suppose it’s a zero sum. I can do that from home though.

quote:

Originally posted by KevH:
How very Larry David of you.

I’m not sure what this means. See what I’m saying? They will talk about these things and I’ll have no idea what it means.

“Did you hear about the thing that happened?”

“No. Sorry.”

“It was on TV.”

“I don’t watch TV.” <- That seems to make people uncomfortable for some reason.

Figure out the most polite way to state your OP.

Run that by people you know and trust to help you get it as good as it gets, and put that in your brain's wallet to hand out each and every time.

You owe no obligation to anyone's butthurt feelings beyond being kind and honest when they are not so able to realize that continued badgering, with a smile, is worse than your honesty.

And it may well appear to some this is a long and arduous road to "No.", but from the years of reading your posts, you show great concern and contemplation of others in the hopes of gentle interaction and never giving offence nor grievance, unwarranted.

Don't go, seems pretty simple to me.

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:
Figure out the most polite way to state your OP.

Run that by people you know and trust to help you get it as good as it gets, and put that in your brain's wallet to hand out each and every time.

You owe no obligation to anyone's butthurt feelings beyond being kind and honest when they are not so able to realize that continued badgering, with a smile, is worse than your honesty.

And it may well appear to some this is a long and arduous road to "No.", but from the years of reading your posts, you show great concern and contemplation of others in the hopes of gentle interaction and never giving offence nor grievance, unwarranted.

The crux. ^^^^^

I do truly try to be contentious in every aspect of daily life. My objections to attending are honestly to lessen any embarrassment to the host. When I say “i can’t eat that” and they demand a reason, if it’s due to religious restrictions, they always turn bright red in the face.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mark123,

As a practical alternative, do this:

1) Accept the invitation
2) Go and get stinking drunk
3) Offend the hosts and as many guests as you can manage
4) Piss on the carpet/sneeze on the cocaine
5) Get Shirl to haul you out of there with (it doesn't have to be feigned) embarrassment.
6) Enjoy never being invited to another event.

This tactic has worked for many family's uncles over the years, some of it has to be intentional.

How about sending them this exact message? Speak truth and don't beat around the bush.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t eat the food they serve, I don’t know if their sportsing team is winning or losing and I don’t celebrate their religious holidays. I just don’t have anything in common with any of these people and I just don’t want to be there.