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Fourth line skater |
My mother is 92 years old and just suffered a small stroke. It looks like it is not going to take her life ultimately. She has already said she doesn't want to return to living alone in her house. As to be expected I haven't thought about or planned for the coming of this day. Who the hell wants to go down this road. What do I need to know? What do I need to research? Which ducks to I need to get into a row first? She has a bit of money so she will pay for her care for about a year and she will insist on this given her nature. What happens after that? I expect her to outlive that so Medicaid will have to be applied for. Any guides on how to navigate that dragon? _________________________ OH, Bonnie McMurray! | ||
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Are you on paper of any kind as her sole care giver ? Do you have power of attorney over her estate? Are you the only heir ? Are there other responsible parties ? Have you claimed her on your taxes ? Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency. Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first | |||
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It's not as hard as it looks. There are facilities that have a variety of levels of support. You're probably looking at assisted living. Tour several and speak to their counsellors. They'll be able to guide you. | |||
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If you are willing to do so, you need to obtain power of attorney so you can make medical and financial decisions for her. There are plenty of attorneys that do estate planning and elder care. You can then look at assisted living centers for her. | |||
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There is a social worker at the facility, they will help you through the process. | |||
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Just be prepared to be shocked at the costs. My mom doesn't need any physical assistance at all but she can't live on her on because of memory and it's $5000 a month. | |||
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Nine years ago , my mom was in a full care nursing home for nine months, Back then, the cost was $5,500.00 per month. Great for you, Our mom was resistant to go into a care facility, Evan a very nice one. She was the second most independent woman that I've ever known. The thought of people telling her when to eat ,sleep and bathe made her . . . over anxious, to put it nicely. So that's a big hurdle that you have avoided. Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency. Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first | |||
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My mom went through a stroke. Get her therapy. She stayed with my brother and sil till he died. Then she wanted to move back to her condo. She had an aide come in a few days a week. And did very well. After retiring, I moved in with her. The more independent she is the easier this was. As time passed, needed to have the aides in to help. Then there will be hospice and 24 hours a day aides near the end. We did this for 5 years. I loved it. Hope this shows another option. | |||
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goodheart |
We found an attorney who specializes in elder care, was very helpful in dealing with everything: power of attorney, trust to preserve home, getting Medicaid, dealing with financial issues. Very worthwhile. If the stroke is recent, the general rule is that people continue to improve in function for about 18 months after the stroke; so stroke rehabilitation (physical, occupational therapy) is helpful and will probably be paid by Medicare. Social workers affiliated with hospital or medical group can help with this. Is she still in the hospital? Ask to speak with social worker and/or discharge planner. Discuss your Mom's case with her doctor. Actually I put all this in reverse order: 1. Discuss with doctor who has access to social workers 2. If in hospital, ask to speak to social worker/discharge planner 3. Ask those people about what care your Mom needs right now. Is she safe at home by herself, or does she need at least short-term nursing home care? 4. Does she need and qualify for physical and occupational therapy? If so, does it need to be in a rehab facility or could it be done at home (hers or another family member's)? 5. Is your Mom still medically able to make her own decisions? 6. Whether or not answer to (5) is yes, you should still see an attorney to get power of attorney and discuss potential benefits of a trust; there are several kinds. You are blessed that the stroke was relatively minor, she can still speak and seems to have her mental faculties intact, and is willing to discuss options other than returning to her home. I've been through both sides of this, both as a physician and as a son. Professional assistance is worth its weight in gold. _________________________ “ What all the wise men promised has not happened, and what all the damned fools said would happen has come to pass.”— Lord Melbourne | |||
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| Needs a check up from the neck up  |
One thing I see a lot in my clients is that the willingness to help early often comes with financial hardship that magnifies over time. Address that early, personal services contracts, powers of attorney and necessary docs she may need to be paying for upfront. Address those realities early and save you and your spouse hard conversations and hurt feelings later. I wish you and your family the best of luck. __________________________ The entire reason for the Second Amendment is not for hunting, it’s not for target shooting … it’s there so that you and I can protect our homes and our children and and our families and our lives. And it’s also there as fundamental check on government tyranny. Sen Ted Cruz | |||
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His Royal Hiney |
Get power of attorney and health directive. Get joint ownership of accounts and safe deposit box. A social worker can tell you the maximum amount of income or savings that your mother can have under her name before medicaid steps in. There's also a look back period - how far back the government can look back to see if she transferred wealth to you before putting her on medicaid. that's it for finances that I can contribute. For the place, locate the ones near you that you can visit and won't be a big deal. Then visit each one several times at different days of the week and different times. Gauge the friendliness of the people. Look in the rooms. A good sign is if people are in wheelchairs out in the hallway or some area. It's okay if you smell piss. but assess the well being of the patients. Good luck. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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this covid situation may put a severe spin on anything we may have encountered Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency. Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first | |||
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Member |
Just one comment from personal experience... Medicaid took care of my Mother in Law at a facility for several months and then back home with Hospice after she refused any further cancer treatment. They took her SS income. She died completely penniless but with no debt and was allowed to keep her paid for home and the children inherited that. After her death the 6 kids agreed to deed the home to the only child that had no home already, free and clear. I wasn't directly involved and don't know if that is standard procedure but that is what happened. Prayers for all concerned... If it ain't woke... don't fix it. | |||
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I went through all this with my daughter and my wife is now on Hospice but still at home. Find an attorney that specializes in family/elder care law. It will save you many headaches. | |||
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| No good deed goes unpunished  |
This could be terrible advice for a number of reasons. Get the advice of an attorney before trying to change ownership of assets. OP, I wish the best for your mom. If you're looking at applying for Medicaid down the road, be aware that getting a Medicaid bed in the facility of your choice may be difficult. Medicaid beds are limited, so plan ahead and find a place she likes that has assisted living that will let her transition into skilled care when/if she needs it. The facility will help you get her on a waiting list for a Medicaid bed if you let them know her time frame (how long she can private pay). If you can find a good Geriatric Resource Manager in her area, they can give you great insight into which facilities are well run, which are fall risks, etc. | |||
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| If you see me running try to keep up  |
I’ve gone through this twice, with my mom a few years ago and recently with my dad. I’d see an attorney and get good advice there. Nursing homes are not cheap - even the bad ones are costly. My dad died two weeks ago due to catching Covid in the nursing home. He never planned right and his thief of a sister got him to sign over power of attorney (he had dementia and should not have been allowed to do that). It doesn’t take long to eat through what they’ve built up over their lives. It goes even quicker when thieving family members steal from them. Go to an attorney now and get lined out. | |||
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| Fourth line skater |
Yes, no, no, and no. Yes, the Covid situation is making it extremely difficult. I have a Zoom meeting with one facility tomorrow. That's the best I can do right now. She has two week rehab and her destination after that is up in the air. _________________________ OH, Bonnie McMurray! | |||
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| Fourth line skater |
1 and 2 excellent advice thank you. 3 and 4. She will be in a separate part of the hospital for therapy for two weeks. At this time we are not sure what her needs will be. She can walk short distances with a walker now which is a significant improvement. 5. Yes, mentally she is just fine. 6. We saw a lawyer about 2 years ago. She brought up the fact that she thought she could not handle being at home anymore. I never thought I'd ever hear those words coming out of her mouth. Thanks sjtill. _________________________ OH, Bonnie McMurray! | |||
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| Just for the hell of it  |
Went through this with my Grandmother last year. She was 100. My dad and aunt handled most of it but since I lived close to where she was so I visited often. If you can't visit the places right now I would talk to them as much as you can and do other research. If you can visit once she is in there do it and do it at different times. Try and meet the people who will be caring for her. Not just the doctors but the people that see her the most. My grandmother had one person that was a POS the others where good. Don't hesitate to ask questions? When your there take notes. Let them know you are involved in your mom's care. We had a not pad we left in my grandmother's room and however was there and talked to a nurse and doctor would write notes down. That way things were not forgotten and other family members would now what was going on. My grandmother had both her son and daughter close and grandsons that visited so this helped keep everyone in the loop. There are social workers at all these facilities that will help you. Remember though your mom and you make the decisions. All the docs, nurses, and others can explain things to you but make sure your voice is heard and understood. _____________________________________ Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain. Jack Kerouac | |||
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| His Royal Hiney |
Too late. That's what I did with my parents. My dad who was a proud man asked me one day for help with his finances. Apparently, he just run out of paper checks but ended up with a new checking account account. Checks he wrote against the new account kept bouncing because his pension still went to the old account. The tellers told me he was in there everyday asking for his balance. I had myself added in as joint owner to his accounts. I don't think I needed to be added to the safe deposit box as they just took it out for me. When we went to the lawyer to get the wills done, the lawyer after finding out I put myself as joint owner said that I did it right. For my safe deposit box, I added our executor to the account as our wills are kept in there. The bank said they can't let anyone who isn't on the account have access even if they have power of attorney papers. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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