After 5.75 years of being together, and married for 3.5 of those, that's the fucking response I get after she asked me for a divorce FROM IRAQ!!!!!! From a 31 year old woman, not some high school kid like I would expect that kind of answer from.

Been two months since she called me and told me that, and it still fucking sucks. She refused to do ANY counseling nor has any desire to fix things. She just up and threw the towel in. I hope whatever dick she found over there is worth it, because when she gets home it'll be to a big lonely fucking house.

I get to come out the other side pretty whole. Keeping my truck, all guns minus 3 I bought for her, and all my tools. The house we JUST BOUGHT in october is going to her, since I don't want that kind of overhead being single. She thought I would fight for it, but there's no equity (zero down VA loan) and costs over $500 more than my single solider BAH would give me if I kept it. She will have to have renters in it, because shes getting the same rate.



Fuck it.

Sorry to hear this. I know others will be jumping in to offer advice and best of luck.

That is totally fucked up. I'm glad you aren't getting the financial shaft too badly.

No kids involved, right? If not, PHEW.

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
That is totally fucked up. I'm glad you aren't getting the financial shaft too badly.

No kids involved, right? If not, PHEW.

No kids, I'm 29 and shes 31. She started this whole mess by sending me a message saying she doesnt want to have kids anymore. I just rolled with it, figuring that since she's in a war zone, the last thing anybody wants to do is think about bringing more kids into this shit. When I didn't respond the way she expected, she was flustered and said "Well I have something else to say, but I need to tell you sunday when I can call you" (we both have had very strong feelings towards starting a family, and she knows how much I want it like she did originally as well)
She was expecting me to blow up in a big way, and just make it more justifiable to her to ask for a divorce, but I didn't and it took her momentum for a moment.

Well that sunday came, and it was the bomb.

I am really sorry to read this. I do not have any advice on how to deal with this, but I hope in time you can find peace.

That sucks but once you get some deployments under your belt you will see that people asking for divorce while deployed is very common.

Not everyone is cut out to be away from their significant others for extended periods of time. The crappy part is that you are going to have to move into the barracks once the divorce is finalized since you are below E6. Make sure you update S1 when it happens so you aren't getting overpaid.

Dude, count yourself lucky that it didn't happen 5 years from now.

Military life is hard on couples where one person is in the service - even harder when they are both in.

It sounds like she has no interest in reconciling. Pop smoke and GTFO of there.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and eventually she'll be a distant footnote in your life.

Good call dumping the house on her and saying see ya #@#%&

quote:

Originally posted by PossibleZombie:
That sucks but once you get some deployments under your belt you will see that people asking for divorce while deployed is very common.

Not everyone is cut out to be away from their significant others for extended periods of time. The crappy part is that you are going to have to move into the barracks once the divorce is finalized since you are below E6. Make sure you update S1 when it happens so you aren't getting overpaid.

before I joined, I was gone for up to 3 months at a time in the Arctic while she was at home. We did great with that for almost 3 years. It wasn't until she started leaving for training and this deployment that we had issues.

Already talked to the Commander about a memo to keep my BAH. He is on board, since I have all the shit that any adult has and a dog to care for still. I have way too much shit to just up and change my lifestyle that drastically and quite frankly my morale would go to shit. They recognize my issues and agree with me. I'm older than all out 5's and 6's as it is.

My last deployment 4 out of 30 aircrew got divorced before, during, or immediately after. I know was just as bad with the 200+ enlisted. Figure 10-15% breakage per deployment. Add it u over time and very few make it through unscathed.

Sorry to hear it, really sucks. I got lucky, married my gunner in '79. Pretty much she still is my gunner, so to speak. She does use my fat ass for cover, though.

Hate to hear that. Yes, glad no kids are involved.

My divorce was with a child involved. She proceeded to use the child to try to punish me for the divorce she wanted and I gave her.

My son suffered for it, even though I got him.

Just move on and do not let it eat you up inside.

At least you won't be looking for the back stabber rat she is running with, like I did.

Finally, I realized she was the only back stabber.

It worked out best for me, met my soul mate and we have made a great life together.
There might be much brighter days ahead. Make that happen

Better now than 15 years later when kids and finances are a mofo. Sorry but it's for the best and living well is the best revenge!

It will take you a bit to sink in, but you dodged a bullet.

Move on, things will only get better.

I've been there, got the T-shirt to prove it.

Be careful with that house issue. My brother got stuck in Clarksville too by his military wife. A quit claim deed means little if your name is on the mortgage too. Refi in her name only or sell it if you signed the papers too.
My brother is still feeling credit pain from his divorce.
Good luck. Hope you lawyered up.

Several women told me:
"Its not you, its me"
And they were right.
Good luck!

So sorry Zac. Got that same line from my now ex after 25 yrs of marrage. And the truth was it was her. She couldn't hack the long term with one person. I found out that she went looking for younger stuff every time I had to be absent due to duty. She became a cougar who married a dude who was born a year before I graduated from highschool. I feel your pain brother!

quote:

Originally posted by fgwilliams1:
Be careful with that house issue. My brother got stuck in Clarksville too by his military wife. A quit claim deed means little if your name is on the mortgage too. Refi in her name only or sell it if you signed the papers too.
My brother is still feeling credit pain from his divorce.
Good luck. Hope you lawyered up.

Sage advice.

I am sorry to read that, Zac. There's better times ahead.

I'm sorry to hear about this, Zac. Saw a lot of breakups during my time in and was hoping you two were going to beat the odds. I don't have any advice that hasn't already been offered but will add my +1 that it's better this happened sooner than later.

Be careful, be cool, and be wise.

At this point, the house and the financial responsibility needs to be tied up.

Everything else sounds like you came out on top.

Like the "Bronx Tale" and the $20 bit.

She did you a favor, you just don't see it yet.

But you will.