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| Member |
My FIL is dying, cancer has possibly days left. It is sad, he is a good man who served his country, put himself through college jumping into forest fires and went on to work on a few airplane projects including the SR71. He is under home hospice care and my wife and her sister have been taking care of him, making sure MIL is OK and basically making some tough decisions. As with most cancers, this started last march and has gotten progressively worse to the point where were are just waiting for him to let go. As if there is not enough to deal with my high maintain sister in law decided to blow up last night and tell everyone, my wife included that she feels like everyone is stabbing her in the back and against her...why you ask....because she had the entire scenario planned out from the actual death to her mom moving in with her immediately afterwards. Apparently she got pissed when she found out I already made all funeral arrangements (his needs and wants to crystal clear and as simple as simple gets and I was asked directly by my MIL) and then last night my wife told her that their mom does not want to move in with her right away and wants to stay put for a little while. All of this cause WW3 to break out and it was compounded but the face my wide and their mom would not "engage" and fight with her. So now she is the martyr who has sacrificed everything and is trying to pull a power trip on everyone to scare them away so she can have complete control...she was told in no uncertain terms that this is not about her and she needed to calm down and get over herself. FWIW - This sister has a long history of trying to be the center of attention whenever possible and she enables almost everyone in her life so they stay around her and she can pull strings. I have a feeling this is one of the reasons MIL does not want to live in her home, it would be constant control. I am heading over there shortly and have told my wife that she is not to miss a second of tie wit her dad over this crazy bitch. When I warned my daughter we might be walking in to a shit show her reply was screw aunt Cindy, I am going to say goodbye to my poppy. UPDATE: FIL passed peacefully at 230am. Fortunately we were able to see him and spend some time with him...he is now at peace and no longer in pain. SIL basically distanced herself from everyone but has been behaving but her POS son was more or less caught plotting how he was going to score the meds....sucks to me him, I collected them all and disposed of them, fucking POS!This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kevmo, | ||
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Member |
Good luck to you, and Godspeed to your FIL. Good on you for not letting this time be about Cindy! Best regards, Nick. NRA Life Member and Certified Instructor | |||
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Drill Here, Drill Now |
Sorry to hear that. Good luck to you standing strong for your FIL, MIL, wife, and daughter. In my family it is my maternal aunt who was the toxic she-bitch self-made martyr. Got my maternal grandfather moved out (moved him 2.5 hours so he'd be 5 minutes from her) of the home of my other aunt, she visited him 2 to 3 times per month (not a typo), if they had him over for dinner she withdrew money from his account to cover the grocery bill, when my Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer got Mom removed as executor of his estate, talked grandfather into not getting pacemaker replaced so he "wouldn't be in pain any more," and violated federal laws when acting as executor of the estate once my grandfather died. BTW, Mom was still alive and lifting weights 3 days per week when my grandfather died so she could've been executor. I was extremely proud of my Dad when Mom was on her death bed and the toxic she-bitch came to visit (normally, I'd say come to say good-bye but you never know with a person like my Aunt) in the cancer ward. Dad stopped her in the hall, told her how he expected her to behave (e.g. not to make this about herself), informed her that he'd have her drug out by security if she didn't toe the line, and didn't allow her into the room until she verbally agreed. Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. | |||
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| Grandiosity is a sign of mental illness |
Sorry about your FIL. The toxic she-bitch in my family is my mother. The act she put on when my stepfather died, and the shit she put his kids (my step siblings) through..... It still embarrasses me to think about, more than 10 years later. Yeah, he's just dying, *I'm* the one who's really suffering here. | |||
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| I have not yet begun to procrastinate |
Sorry to hear that Kevmo. I hope that the PITA SIL manages to find some dignity in the process. -------- After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. | |||
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| Member |
This sounds like my sister in law to a tee. A few weeks ago my father in law went to the hospital with kidney failure. He was in bad shape and the nurse actually told us we may want to begin making end of life plans for him. My wife called her sister, who was previously banned from our house, and told her what was going on. I made a 1 time exception given the circumstances and let my sister in law come to the house and stay here. She tried to get a POA and remove my FIL from CT back to her home in VA, even though he is of sound mind. My FIL’s social worker laughed at her. She went to his apartment which is admittedly in a bad location found a drug dealer and got high as a kite on heroin. I had already left the state to go back to work. She came to my house, while intoxicated, cursed at my wife, called her a bad mother, and put her hands on my children. All because my oldest child of a whopping 3 years old was upset because daddy couldn’t eat dinner with her. She is now banned from my house again, banned by the hospital from seeing our father in law after she aparantly threatened a nurse, and was removed from her aunts house up here for trying to blame all her problems on my wife. I wish you luck in battle. I will pray for you and your family. Good job sticking up to toxic relatives. | |||
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His Royal Hiney |
That's something i can't understand, her dad is dying and she wants to cause a ruckus. Maybe that's her way of coping. I hope for peace for everyone involved. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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| Member |
I was a security officer at an in-patient hospice facility for a number of years. The stuff I saw "family" do when a loved one was dying puts the fun in dysfunctional. End of Earth: 2 Miles Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles | |||
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Member |
Kevmo, I am sorry to hear you are going through all this. Your FIL sounds like a good man. Take solace from the fact that you are fighting the good fight. Gotta tell you the last line in your original post was powerful, your daughter has her priorities straight, I suspect good parents had a part in that. Let me help you out. Which way did you come in? | |||
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Ammoholic |
I've got nothing to add other than a prayer for you wife and everyone involved. Jesse Sic Semper Tyrannis | |||
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| Member |
You're not alone. My sister is like that. She had power of attorney when my father died, and she was angry at everyone else in the family, so she cremated him and dumped his ashes without telling anyone he had even died. Some people are just born that way, I guess. | |||
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| Member |
That's pretty f'ed up. Sorry for your family. | |||
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| Drill Here, Drill Now |
Please accept my sincere sympathies. Your FIL sounded like a good man, and may your memories of him give your family peace and comfort. Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. | |||
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Not really from Vienna |
Condolences on the loss of your F-I-L. | |||
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| Member |
Condolences on the loss of you father in law. He sounds like a good dude. | |||
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Member |
Sorry to hear that Kevmo, RIP FIL. Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark. “If in winning a race, you lose the respect of your fellow competitors, then you have won nothing” - Paul Elvstrom "The Great Dane" 1928 - 2016 | |||
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Age Quod Agis |
Sorry for your loss, Kevmo, I hope your wife and family find peace and consolation. I hope you can keep your wife insulated from all this mess. Tell your SIL to go to hell, directly with no stops, and shut her down completely. There is no excuse for people like that. Slam the door, and hope her fingers are in it. Let the little fuck have the meds. All at once. With a whiskey chaser. "I vowed to myself to fight against evil more completely and more wholeheartedly than I ever did before. . . . That’s the only way to pay back part of that vast debt, to live up to and try to fulfill that tremendous obligation." Alfred Hornik, Sunday, December 2, 1945 to his family, on his continuing duty to others for surviving WW II. | |||
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| The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view |
My condolences and I'm sorry for your loss. He sounds like a good man. Its hard enough to go through this by itself but to have to deal with the unnecessary dramatic bullshit on top of it is terrible. “We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna "I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally." -Pranjit Kalita, founder and CIO of Birkoa Capital Management | |||
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Equal Opportunity Mocker |
I'm sorry you're having to deal with the loss and that it's being compounded by stupid. People never fail to disappoint. ________________________________________________ "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving." -Dr. Adrian Rogers | |||
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