My 14y/o son has been working out with me from 5-6am for about 2 years.

A week ago, another gym closed, so our gym has become very packed. I told my son we need to mix up our routine some, we usually do cardio first, then lift afterwards. First day, my son walks in, says it isn't packed and hits the treadmill for a few miles. Within 15 minutes, the place is packed, just like I said it would be.

So when I'm done with the weights, I go upstairs to run, and he goes downstairs to lift. I should note that their is a "CrossFit" type of group that has a tendency to hog alot of equipment.

So my son goes to grab a bar that is not being used, and this guy flips out him and tells him he can't take it. Nobody was using it. My son didn't tell me until we were driving home, but he gave me a description of the guy. I know exactly who he is, and I've never had an issue with him. I kind of feel his frustration about the group that hogs the equipment, but if he has an issue with my son, he should have talked to me. Everybody who has been in that gym knows who my son is, he's the only 14y/o there.

I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. Do I go ballistic and tell him to leave my kid alone, or do say I understand your frustration, but my son has nothing to do with it. Either way I'm going to mention if it happens again, I will be contacting the manager (who isn't there that early), and ask for at least a suspension.

Any thoughts? In 35y/o of working out in a gym environment, I have never seen this.

quote:

Do I go ballistic and tell him to leave my kid alone,

Nope. Because somehow you will appear to be the aggressor and get yourself in trouble.

I like the idea I'd talking with the other dude first, and then the mgt next.

Nobody owns the equipment in the gym. Your son, and you have just as much right to use it as the hog. Perhaps a polite conversation, then discuss it with the manager.

My peeve are the guys that sit on a piece of equipment, do one or two reps, sit, do another, and camp out for 20 minutes in the same place. I usually just skip that part or find an alternative.

tell your son if the equipment is not being used that next time he should ignore the guy

This is my game plan.

First ask him what he said to my son, my son will confirm this. Just need to make sure we are talking to the same guy.

Second, I know he has kids, so I'm going to ask him what he would do if some "stranger" went off on his kid.

Third, I'll mention he is not the gym equipment manager, and my son doesn't have to ask for permission. The funny thing is the "crossfit" group has been doing this for about 4 years, and never once has this guy "gone off" on an adult. I'm friends with quite a few people in the CrossFit group, and yes, they can be annoying, but it's a gym. Nobody can reserve equipment. So my concern is he specifically targeted my son, a 14y/o kid. And that is what pisses me of the most.

I'm telling my son he can take everything he wants and build a fort if he'd like, we pay the same dues.

My son and I do very fast paced workouts. I usually just load up a backpack with weights and go to town.

If you know the guy just ask what happened. Maybe there is something that explains the reaction, maybe the guy says he over reacted, maybe his answer shows he's a jerk and should be avoided. But ask nicely and see where it goes.

It couldn't have been too traumatic if he did not bring it up until later. Maybe he did not want you to intervene.

Coach your son on how to interact with asshats and how to politely ignore them. Then leave it alone.

Have him continue to use any equipment that is not in use and if there is anymore encounters he can respectfully(ish) refer Mr asshole to the staff.

It will be good for your son's growth and you'll be nearby if it escalates.

quote:

Originally posted by SpinZone:
It couldn't have been too traumatic if he did not bring it up until later. Maybe he did not want you to intervene.

Coach your son on how to interact with asshats and how to politely ignore them. Then leave it alone.

Have him continue to use any equipment that is not in use and if there is anymore encounters he can respectfully(ish) refer Mr asshole to the staff.

It will be good for your son's growth and you'll be nearby if it escalates.

This. It's a teachable moment for him.

Spinzone,

I hadn't even considered my sons reaction. Although he did say he felt like flipping the guy off and saying he can't touch him since he's a minor.

Maybe this is a "character building" event. My son never goes there without me. I can tell my son to just ignore the guy, and do as he pleases.

Let me think about this, and ask my son how he wants to handle it. Without flipping him off...

Thanks for everyone's insight.

Have your kid tell the dude that Chuck Norris is his teacher and to bug off.

41

Have your son cover his palms in icy hot, bio freeze and do it again. When jerk uses equipment, well.. the shower will be interesting.

quote:

Originally posted by ASKSmith:
This is my game plan.

First ask him what he said to my son, my son will confirm this. Just need to make sure we are talking to the same guy.

Second, I know he has kids, so I'm going to ask him what he would do if some "stranger" went off on his kid.

Third, I'll mention he is not the gym equipment manager, and my son doesn't have to ask for permission. The funny thing is the "crossfit" group has been doing this for about 4 years, and never once has this guy "gone off" on an adult. I'm friends with quite a few people in the CrossFit group, and yes, they can be annoying, but it's a gym. Nobody can reserve equipment. So my concern is he specifically targeted my son, a 14y/o kid. And that is what pisses me of the most.

I'm telling my son he can take everything he wants and build a fort if he'd like, we pay the same dues.

My son and I do very fast paced workouts. I usually just load up a backpack with weights and go to town.

No need to go ballistic or confrontational.

Just ask him whether he had any issues with that kid there (and point to your son who isn't within earshot of both of you) and him using the equipment. Then let him know if he has any other issues with your son to talk with you.

You can do this matter of factly without prodding him to posture himself.

Id leave it be and let your son handle it. If the guy continues to be a dick, than Id have a conversation. Maybe he was just having an off day. And most parents will defend their kids, even if they are in the wrong. I would guess that the other guy would tell a vastly different story than the 14 year old told.

Sometimes assholes aren't really assholes after all and just need a chance to apologize.
of course, some are just plain assholes. this guy might surprise you. Coffee cup conversation is sometimes better than a dick punch. hope it goes well, sounds like you have a good relationship with your son. good times

I would be tempted to tell your son that if he approached him again to yell "Pervert! Pervert!" Till he walked away. May not be the right thing but it draws the boundary clearly.
If he didn't walk away then I wouldn't pause to step up and talk to him. I see no reason to treat his dick move with kid gloves.
-TVz

I was going to let is slide, maybe he was just having a bad day. I haven't seen him since.

My buddy texts me this morning, asks who the guy was. Apparently he said something to my friend about taking weights today.

I just called the manager to start a paper trail, and file a complaint. If it happens again, I can at least tell the idiot, I have already filed a complaint. And told the manager if it happens again, I will call her. Even she said it's not cool to talk that way to a 14y/o, or any other member.

We go at 5am. We pay our dues. We don't need to make reservations to use anything.

How about you do nothing unless it happens again. And then just go over to the guy and have a calm conversation about it.

Your options seem likely to escalate the situation before that is needed.

JHE,

I was going to not doing anything about it. I even told the manager I don't expect them to do anything about it, I just want it documented that I had called to complain about the guy. There is no manager at 5am, only the people who unlock to the door and janitorial staff. So I was only able to give her a vague description: guy's first name, and what he looked like. But now he is starting to harass other members.

I worked at a Gold's gym back in the day, and having your membership suspended can be a pain in the ass. But it keep members who are "borderline" in check. There aren't a lot of local options at 5am, either.

So in the meantime, I will just tell my son to ignore the guy, and I will do the same.

Guy could be the next Lunk for the Planet Fitness advertisements.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
How about you do nothing unless it happens again. And then just go over to the guy and have a calm conversation about it.

Your options seem likely to escalate the situation before that is needed.

This is the best advice for this situation. No need to go postal.