not a parent , here so maybe disregard.

if taking stuff away does not work would offering him something be the way to go?

maybe a new browning buck mark if his goals are met?

Rhinosw has it right. Removal of privileges. It generally works well with adolescent males. A bed in the room, nothing else. All technology gone including phone until grades improve. A full term report card. No yelling, just limit setting.

For some reason the rewards do not work quite so well. The reward is off in the future, removal of privileges is immediate.

And I'll also say is 'it depends on the kid'. Each kid will respond to different tactics - some kids its toys, some its computers / phone, some its being 'grounded' and unable to go to activities / sports / dances. You have to find out what your child responds to.

Also sometimes you need to switch it up when they get used to a particular response.

Once my son stopped responding to the normal 'loss of computer' when he was about 14 and figured he could act out since there was nothing else to lose / no further punishment possible or he was used to them all.

He reconsidered that position after picking up pinecones / sticks from a 4-acre portion of our yard - he came back after 30 min with a smile and said "I'm done", after which I explained the magnitude of the area to be cleared (again) and what needed to be picked up. The smile quickly faded... Something like 6 wheelbarrows full of pinecones / sticks. After 3 hours I sent his sisters out to help him as a 'leadership / teamwork challenge' and ended the event at 4 hours.

Afterwards we sat on the front porch drinking water, I explained that if he thought there was nothing else that could be done, I had a shovel and there were limitless tasks that I could find for him to do. Dig holes, move dirt, level the yard, grind down some stumps... that pretty much corrected him for life, aside from the occasional minor correction.

I hated doing homework my first year in high school. I got smart and did my homework DURING school....as in....my next class. Rarely had to do it at home.

Straight As Junior and Senior years.

Rhino is correct sometimes you need to change it up. Some kids do not mind picking up garbage in the yard or picking up after the dog, but would hate to have to memorize lines from a poem. I am well acquainted with the varied tactics employed by Catholic boarding schools.
Back when it was allowed corporal punishment was effective. Of course, some kids did not respond to that at all.

If all of these methods fail, it is not a bad idea to consult a clinical psychologist who deals with teenage males. In some instances the problem lies with the parents and there not being a united front.

Keep in mind he'll do whatever you tell him he can't.
Especially if you say it in front of his friends, or go nuclear and wait until the girl he likes is around.

Show him this:

My daughter graduated high school as a Senior in college at FAU. Procrastination is ingrained hard still with her. My 12 year old does nothing and gets A and Bs. But daily - every damn day - I am on him about his homework.

Both kids life and success comes too easy. They are not tested the way my wife and I were. My daughter gets hard work, my son does too. But discipline and focus, no. Figuring as we go it is a different world.

He gets straight A's. His grades aren't the issue. He just wont focus on his homework. He's going to get into classes where homework is part of your grade, not just tests.

He is not allowed to do anything until his homework is done. No PC, no TV, no toys, no Tae Kwon Do classes, nothing.

He just sits there, it doesn't matter the class. I put him at a desk facing the wall, and there are no distractions. He just wont focus and get it done. He will sit there for two hours. I have finally just said I don't care anymore, he can sit in there all night and have no life if that is what he wants.

Kid gets straight A's? Why are you messing with him? I would leave him alone and congratulate him for the straight A's

quote:

Originally posted by BigSwede:
Kid gets straight A's? Why are you messing with him? I would leave him alone and congratulate him for the straight A's

Because he has to do his homework, or he wont be getting straight A's.

and he needs to develop good homework habits now before he is overwhelmed with it as he moves into high school and life.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
He gets straight A's. His grades aren't the issue. He just wont focus on his homework. He's going to get into classes where homework is part of your grade, not just tests.

He is not allowed to do anything until his homework is done. No PC, no TV, no toys, no Tae Kwon Do classes, nothing.

He just sits there, it doesn't matter the class. I put him at a desk facing the wall, and there are no distractions. He just wont focus and get it done. He will sit there for two hours. I have finally just said I don't care anymore, he can sit in there all night and have no life if that is what he wants.

Have you had him into a doctor for evaluation of possible ADD? My son was like that. We now have an Rx and its like flipping a switch. He goes from can’t focus to laser beam.

It appears at this point to be oppositional behavior and a child parent relationship issue. I doubt that ADHD is an issue, and the OP stated initially that he did not believe in that as a diagnosis.

For some reasons, more likely multiple reasons he is displaying resistance to the guidance of his father. Quite simply, the underlying issues need to be addressed.

That was me as a kid. School was easy and boring. I also would be diagnosed with ADD today, but that wasn't really a a thing when I was young. Not until late in college did I actually have to start working at studying. If this is his problem, you might be able to improve the situation by having him do the homework for the next chapter. Keep him one unit ahead, and he has to go through and learn it himself and the homework is actually useful to him. And it may well take less time, and give him a better understanding of the material than the current situation.

Probably not applicable you your situation, but it is part of why we are homeschooling our kids. If the kids get it, we don't have to make them do boring practice drills. If they aren't getting it we can slow down and do more practice. My wife and I both have families full of smart people who had lots of various issues with school.

Good luck.

If he's killing the ACT's, I wouldn't sweat it. I have a daughter who is rocking a 4.2 GPA and has 1/2 year left of high school. ACT is average.

In the end, grades don't really matter as long as they're not in the toilet if you're thinking college scholarships. It's all about the ACT's.

It's hard because we expect those lil freaks to act like full-grown responsible adults, but they're not. As much as we want them to use their big boy brains it's just not really there.

This does not excuse responsibilities. If the homework needs to be done, make sure it gets done. If the child wants to eat up 3 hours of his day to do 20 minutes of work, so be it. Hopefully, he'll realize that this method sucks hard and will adjust.

Meh, what do I know? I believe I did all I could to keep my kid off the pole, and that's a win for me! Good luck, it gets better!

/.02

The great 'revelation' will come when you move or kick them out of the house after high school. All the stuff they scoffed at makes sense, either they figure it out the easy way or the hard way, but if they are good kids they figure it out.

I have gone to great lengths to let my college son to do it himself, even if he fails at it - because doing it for him is no longer helpful (regular living by himself stuff - food, dishes, cleanliness, car, etc - he has classes wired and if he didn't, at this stage I'm not going to help him, only stop helping support him through college if he starts failing out).

He still fucks up stupid things but unless he asks me for help or it costs me money, I don't care.

I teach undergraduate and graduate students at our state university’s business college. The differences in maturity are startling. Typically, only 45% of the enrolled students pass (specifically C- or higher) the junior-level course I teach each term. Some of that difficulty is due to a poor match of ability vs the curriculum, but most is due to immaturity.

I’ve heard all the excuses including test anxiety, dependence on visual learning, boredom, etc. But, it typically boils down to the fact that many do not yet accept that they will have to work in life and that work is not always fun. And, when you add the greater learning expectations for a chosen major, that lack of maturity really aggravates their process.

Some students are incredibly mature. They know what they want to do and they’ve listed out the steps needed to achieve that goal. More importantly, they accept that such steps are needed and have a long-term view. But, most students truly lack a defined goal, much less a specific plan. Instead, they possess a casual assumption as to what their future will be and instead focus on the very near term.

Immature students are like alcoholics that have yet to hit rock bottom and acknowledge their problem. Some can be inspired by others or by mentoring, guidance, etc. Yet, many need to learn some tough lessons.

I wish I had better answers for you. We faculty constantly discuss this issue and try various methods, workshops, curriculum changes, labs, etc. There is no magic pill. I wish you the best at guiding your child in a loving and effective way.

Just to be clear, I have overly simplified the issue and used a broad brush. There are certainly some common stereotypes but you’ll need to react appropriately for your given child and situation.