Just a general rant here and it covers a lot. Having Thursday and Friday off from 2nd shift, I got to talking with my 17 year old daughter about things. I don't get a lot of time with her between her going to school, having a job and me working 2nd shift. So here goes.
Tonight is her high school's black light show at halftime during the football game. She wants to go and I told her to go. Here's her problem and it puzzled me. She won't go unless she has someone to go with. I told her to go by herself and then she'll see kids from her senior class there. I got told that, "If I show up by myself, I'll be laughed out of school on Monday morning." What? I got "clarification" that no one goes by themselves or people would think you're weird. I went by myself and met my friends there. Same high school also. Color me speechless on this one.
She has a girl that she considers a friend but after she read me a text, I told her that this girl is no friend. This girl is the quintessential example of this generation. Gimme, gimme, gimme and if you don't do what I like, I'll call you every name in the book and drag your name through the mud. I told her to stay away from her, just let her be miserable on her own.
Got on the topic of social media, which I'm dumb on because I don't do it. This message board and 2 others are as close as I get. She was talking about a fake Instagram account where you can say anything you want about anything you want. Huh? Why have another account? I got told, "It's fake with a fake picture so no one knows who I am." Alright. I don't get it.
My daughter got an acceptance letter from a college out West. No where in California thankfully but it's a ways away. She wants to pay for it herself with no help on loans from me. Sounds good in theory but I have read that student loans are different from what they used to be. They no longer just let you take a loan for however much you need. There's a limit now. This college is out of Ohio so it's a bit more expensive. We talked about different loans and grants she may be able to get. I also made a comment and the reply boiled my blood. I didn't get mad at her but I was fuming inside. I mentioned that what she was going to major in at college could translate into a valuable asset for the military. If she would go into the Navy or Air Force, she could get more training and her schooling would be paid for. "I will not go into the military while Trump is the president. I won't take orders from him." That about set me off. I am no Trump lover but he was the lesser of 2 evils so I voted for him. No way was I voting for the Hillary beast. I explained that the president is the commander in chief, not someone who is likely to give you an order. It also struck a nerve because I went through basic training in 1986 right out of high school. I did fuck up my knee on leave after I got home and was medically discharged but it was the greatest experience in my life. For my daughter to say that, it made me mad. We'll see what happens with the whole student loan thing but I thought I had a good idea.
Her homecoming is in about 2 weeks and she is going with this boy. I have met him and I'm sure as most Dads think, I really don't like him to much. I'm polite but like the Mad Dog Mattis saying goes.....
My daughter did tell him that I own a pretty good collection of firearms so he's been polite also but I can see it in his eyes. Typical 18 year old boy just like I was and that's what scares me.
This adult/dad stuff sucks sometimes.

I think you're just venting and not expecting any responses.

Still, I just had a couple of thoughts:

1) I think either the result of going alone is either exaggerated and/or she's identifying with the wrong type of crowd (ie - extremely superficial). Find a new clique / friends. Buid more self-esteem and don't judge yourself based on the comments of superficial others.

2) Making decisions based on Trump -- not a good sign, especially if the assumptions are incorrect. First, one should be properly informed if one is going to make decisions based on who is in office (I'm guessing that her dislike for Trump is based on misinformation, incomplete information). She needs to figure out when she has enough and the right information to make decisions like this. Making life decisions based on superficial understanding, especially if incorrect, is not a good habit to be forming at this stage.

I am just venting. I'm going to talk to her more later today. I'm a single Dad and it's tough sometimes.
I do talk to her Mom and she agrees with me. She is just starting to become more involved in her daughter's life after a bad couple of years.
I didn't want to keep the conversation going last night because I was pretty mad at the Trump comments so I let it go.

I can appreciate how tough the situation is / can be.

She's may be making some bad decisions and it may be upsetting if they are not aligned with your decisions and values.

But that's part of growing up. I'd suggest that you not try to convince her she's wrong. Rather, focus on how to properly make a conclusion / decision. How to search and gather the correct facts and information. How to differentiate and test for correct information. When to determine if you have enough information. Teach her the process of info gathering leading up to making a decision. Focus on the how rather than the what. Then hopefully, the correct whats will follow for the rest of her life.

FWIW - I feel your pain...I have a teenage daughter (16) who is too smart for her own good and is much smarter than me (just ask her).

I am very lucky to have a really good girl that makes really good decisions 99% of the time but she and her friends do have a "pack" mentality and must travel in groups. Out of her whole group my daughter is by far the most independent and, with few exceptions, will go almost anywhere alone.

I avoid talking politics with her as she was seriously sad when Hillary lost and as much as I think Trump is a buffoon I cannot, could not and will not speak kindly of the Hildabeast. Hell, to show you how deep a fathers love goes I actually took her to see Hillary speak here in AZ during the campaign (my head almost exploded).

Thankfully she is not really worried too much about boys because she is working her ass off between school and a part time job but I know that will happen eventually.

Good Luck

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:


Thankfully she is not really worried too much about boys because she is working her ass off between school and a part time job but I know that will happen eventually.

Good Luck

Given that is what she's doing she will outgrow her Hilary thing.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kevmo:
FWIW - I feel your pain...I have a teenage daughter (16) who is too smart for her own good and is much smarter than me (just ask her)."

My Wife and I had that experience with our daughter.
I did notice that when she turned 21 her Mother and I suddenly became signifcantly more intelligent.

I firmly believe kids are your penance for your own behavior while growing up. Karma!!!

I have 30+ years of law enforcement and security experience. The toughest job I have ever had was getting my kid through HS with his head on straight.
That was a while ago. Has to be harder now.

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:
She won't go unless she has someone to go with. I told her to go by herself and then she'll see kids from her senior class there. I got told that, "If I show up by myself, I'll be laughed out of school on Monday morning." What? I got "clarification" that no one goes by themselves or people would think you're weird. I went by myself and met my friends there. Same high school also. Color me speechless on this one.

Don't be that is now the norm in high school.

While they don't "date" like we used to, they also don't go anywhere "solo"...it is considered seriously creepy.

quote:

but I can see it in his eyes. Typical 18 year old boy just like I was and that's what scares me. This adult/dad stuff sucks sometimes.

That is just karma kicking in...you're projecting your own prior behavior

Seems like you should talk to her more about what one should consider when thinking about joining the service.

For me, it didn't matter who was President. That was not what joining was about. The person holding that office was one of the many things I would have had to accept in order to do my job.

I would read Roger Stone's book on President Trump or look at the C-Span interview. It is all about President Trump's upbringing and his set of values.

https://www.amazon.com/Making-...lution/dp/1510726926

https://www.c-span.org/video/?...-1/words-roger-stone

I would keep a low profile on the firearms. You never know who will talk to others about a person who has firearms and then you have an opportunity for a break-in.

In regards to the student loan: I would sit down with her and speculate on her budget upon graduation. What does she think she will earn? Add in rent, insurance, car payment, food and all the other consumables. Then add in the student loan payment and savings. Maybe she will want to trim while she can.

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
Seems like you should talk to her more about what one should consider when thinking about joining the service.

For me, it didn't matter who was President. That was not what joining was about. The person holding that office was one of the many things I would have had to accept in order to do my job.

We talked more last night. I don't do politics very well so I tried keeping out of it.
More was talked about that she would be getting college paid for and also putting her major to work for the military. She wants to major in a language. I'm not going to say it's useless but unless you can put it to use, it may not be the best road to take.
She is extremely smart and has taken 5 years of Spanish. I told her and she seems interested, that Russian might not be a bad language to learn.

quote:

Originally posted by 41:
I would read Roger Stone's book on President Trump or look at the C-Span interview. It is all about President Trump's upbringing and his set of values.

https://www.amazon.com/Making-...lution/dp/1510726926

https://www.c-span.org/video/?...-1/words-roger-stone

I would keep a low profile on the firearms. You never know who will talk to others about a person who has firearms and then you have an opportunity for a break-in.

All the firearms are locked up when not in use and I have the only key. I also have an alarm on my house. Foolproof? Probably not but it's better than nothing.

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:
She wants to major in a language. I'm not going to say it's useless but unless you can put it to use, it may not be the best road to take.

Language is extremely useful in many fields especially with American companies

quote:

She is extremely smart and has taken 5 years of Spanish. I told her and she seems interested, that Russian might not be a bad language to learn.

She might be better served by Arabic or Mandarin

Knew a dude who, after the '92 election, told the Academy he wasn't sure if he could serve under Clinton as the CinC. He was told he was "too conservative" for military service and shown the exit.

I have noticed many HS students, particularly girls, have a very negative self-esteem. It doesn't sound as if yours has that problem. Be glad. Advise her, but above all, continue to be there for her, even if she chooses a path different than you would have her choose. My 2¢.

Teenagers have been "fun" to deal with forever. At least since ancient Greece. I had two myself/ boy and girl. Funny that I nearly never told them what to do; I only told them the possible outcomes of their actions and let the chips fall where they may (within safety and permanent damage reasons). After a couple of less than optimal outcomes, better choices started happening.

http://www.bartleby.com/73/195.html

quote:

Originally posted by JimTheo:
Teenagers have been "fun" to deal with forever. At least since ancient Greece. I had two myself/ boy and girl. Funny that I nearly never told them what to do; I only told them the possible outcomes of their actions and let the chips fall where they may (within safety and permanent damage reasons). After a couple of less than optimal outcomes, better choices started happening.

http://www.bartleby.com/73/195.html

I do this also to an extent. I have always told her that for every action there is an equal or greater reaction. Also told her what my Dad, her grandfather, told me many years ago. Do what you think but think what you do.
Beyond that, I'm always here for advice when she asks. I don't push much on her as she's a good person and good student.

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
Seems like you should talk to her more about what one should consider when thinking about joining the service.

For me, it didn't matter who was President. That was not what joining was about. The person holding that office was one of the many things I would have had to accept in order to do my job.

We talked more last night. I don't do politics very well so I tried keeping out of it.
More was talked about that she would be getting college paid for and also putting her major to work for the military. She wants to major in a language. I'm not going to say it's useless but unless you can put it to use, it may not be the best road to take.
She is extremely smart and has taken 5 years of Spanish. I told her and she seems interested, that Russian might not be a bad language to learn.

As a CTI she is more than welcome to contact me with any questions.