I can count on one hand the times I've seen my dad cry.

Weekend before last, my mom and dad went to see my nana, my dad's mom. She's been in a facility for a while. He asked if I wanted to see pictures.

No.

I told him that's not her, and I don't want to remember her like that. That's not my nana anymore, whoever she was is gone. She died years ago, and her body just didn't get the memo.

Then he said to me, "I just wish she'd go to sleep..." and he spread his hands, and that's it.

I think we're up to two hands now.

My grandma is going through this, and it's heartbreaking. I was at my cousins wedding on Saturday, which should be carefree and joyous for grandma. It was difficult to see her not know that the bride is her grandchild, or sometimes stop walking and freeze with a look of confusion as one of us was escorting and guiding her around.

Some of us were fortunate that while she didn't remember our name, she at least recognized us enough to appear comfortable in our presence. My mom was such a stoic angel interacting with her. I pray I don't have to go through that with mom.

I feel for you. My mother had a couple of strokes in a short period of time and went straight to the moderate stage of dementia. She got really really bad at night. Mean as a snake to us, it was heart breaking. Lost her mobility and we had to put her in a nursing home. My dad was the most of the day every single day for about a year and a half. Suddenly she got to where she couldn’t talk, eat, or drink and just moaned and yelled as if in pain. My guess was another stroke. We had to put her on palliative care and hospice. The meds they used as she slowly passed away from lack of food and water were heaven sent.

I'm very sorry Slabsides and it does suck.
My grandmother had it and my aunt has it now.
Try to keep your head up.

Went to see him again this weekend. Making matters worse was that my eldest daughter and her husband went with me.

He seems to go to dark places when he does have memories, so I shouldn't have been surprised when he started talking to my step mom about how she saved him from "a trap" of a marriage (my mother) and those kids (me and my siblings), one of which wasn't even his (my adopted sister).
Then he stopped, brooded a moment, and asked what we'd been talking about. He cannot recall my daughter's name, which always hurts her even if she is able to rationalize it.

Of course I don't get mad at him over anything he says-he can't help it- but I made myself a mental note to no longer take anyone with me to visit. I fear he will say things that will make them remember how he hurt them in his waning moments, instead of the man he was when he had his right mind.

Yep, tough situation. One of my favorite pictures of myself and my grandma is me giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek at Christmas. Not 2 hours before she was mad at me because she thought I was a stranger and stole her tv. My family and I can kind of chuckle about about the different things we experienced then (has been about 10 years), but the heartache of watching the decline while being in the moment almost unbearable. Unconditional love no matter is said or done, along with recharge time for yourself is essential. Much easier said than done (speaking from experience)....my thoughts and prayers are with you.

quote:

Of course I don't get mad at him over anything he says-he can't help it- but I made myself a mental note to no longer take anyone with me to visit. I fear he will say things that will make them remember how he hurt them in his waning moments, instead of the man he was when he had his right mind.

^^^^^^
Best move here. Redirect when possible to pleasant times. Easier said than done. His filter is gone. His thoughts become words.