Lost my mom last week.

Doing the best I can, weird to know that I am now among the parentless.

Currently working with Family to plan her funeral next week, I'm going to do a eulogy. I have no idea what to say for this one.

I spoke for my dad, my stepdad, my father-in-law, my uncle, my grandma, and my grandpa. At this point it's kinda like Family just expects that I will be the "Speaker for the Dead".

I kind of wish I could just sit this one out.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, John. You and your family will be in my prayers.

I'd say that the traditional protocols for funerals are a thing of the past. Before my mom died, she told me she didn't want a funeral at all. She died in the winter, so burial wasn't until May. My brother and I met the sexton at the cemetery and placed her ashes in the ground. We each poured a bucket of dirt into the grave. Very personal, very real, but not at all traditional.

Do what you are comfortable with. No one should judge you in your time of loss.

Sorry for your loss. You could write something and have somebody else read it if it’s too much. It needn’t be a 10 minute speech for whoever reads it. You could also skip it. I get feeling like you should do it or you have to do it especially when it feels like there are expectations from family. Not doing it doesn’t mean you didn’t love your mom or you don’t care. Anybody who might judge you for not doing it is an ass. I didn’t speak or write anything for my dad’s funeral. I’m the oldest and I felt like I should have but I couldn’t. Like where do you actually start? I suppose I would have if my mom had asked me to but it would have been for her. I did write brief remembrances for two of my grandparents. The social pressure is definitely there.

So sorry for your loss.
When Mom passed my sister & I got a bit of flack over not having a graveside service and a couple of other ‘standard’ funeral things. .
“Oh, that’s your last chance to say goodbye”
Um, no. We said goodbye at her bedside when she slipped this mortal coil. And we were exhausted. Over a year of 24x7 care done by just the two of us. Luckily we live close (and get along superbly) and could make that happen.
Protocol is pretty much what you want it to be.
Both of us got so tired of having to be cordial during that time. I understand people all mean well, and we both appreciated everyone around us.
But I found myself just wanting to be alone so I could grieve in silence and solitude

I'm sorry for your loss John.

Being the oldest son and my father having long since departed, the eulogy for my mother's remembrance/service fell to me, too.

Sorry to read of your loss. You have my condolences.

Ronin- the eulogy isn't about the first chapter of your Mothers book, or the last chapter either.

We all know what happens there.

Talk about the chapters in between

I’m so sorry for your loss. I, too, am not a fan of funerals and protocol. I understand the purpose, I’m just ambivalent about the whole thing.

quote:

Talk about the chapters in between

I’m with this one. It’s hard, but you’ll feel better to have done it.
You could also, as proposed above, write something and have someone else read it. Everyone would understand.

I gave a eulogy for a friend on behalf of the family—the wife wasn’t up to it. I told some stories on him most of the family didn’t know…and they all laughed. It’s to celebrate the special life of the one who gave you life.

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Originally posted by Ronin1069:

I kind of wish I could just sit this one out.

Then you should do just that. Unless your mother’s last requests were for you to do it.

If not if you don’t want to do it don’t do it.

I am sorry for your loss and you should grieve as you see fit. If not speaking at your mother’s funeral is part of how you handle it that should be respected.

Sorry for your loss.

I delivered the eulogy at my Mom's funeral. The deciding factor was she died on a holiday weekend and the pastor that Mom and I knew very well was on the other side of the country on vacation. The only pastor from church in town was the new guy that neither Mom nor I had ever met, and I didn't want a stranger delivering the eulogy.

On one hand, writing the eulogy was cathartic as it focused me on thinking about Mom's life, looking at old photo albums, and asking Dad questions. On the other hand, it was emotionally difficult and I don't care to show emotion in public.

In the end, it was an honor to eulogize Mom.

Thank you for the comments, guys. The words in your posts have gotten me thinking of way to do this in a way that feels right.

I appreciate all of you very much.

Sorry for your loss.

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

I kind of wish I could just sit this one out.

Then you should do just that. Unless your mother’s last requests were for you to do it.

If not if you don’t want to do it don’t do it.

I am sorry for your loss and you should grieve as you see fit. If not speaking at your mother’s funeral is part of how you handle it that should be respected.

I have to agree with all of that . Don't feel pressured to do something that doesn't feel right .

Sorry for your loss. My brother and sister asked me to write the obituaries for my father and mother and the eulogy for my mother. We asked my sisters husband to give it as we couldn’t at the time. It’s a difficult time. My mother-in-lawn passed away last week and the family is having a small celebration of life.

When my Mother passed we let the Priest do all the talking . He never met her so he had to wing it . We met with him a couple of days before the service and told him about her. He did a good job . My Mother wasn't very likeable so it was better to let a neutral party do it .

Ronin, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I know also the feeling of being parent less.

My wife's grandmother lived to 102. She was fourteen months short of having a footprint in each of three centuries. She was very active in her church and had a tendency to express herself strongly.

It was obvious, at her funeral, that the pastor knew her well. His opening statement was, "Rhoda was a walking opinion." That set the tone for a humorous review of her interactions with the folks who knew her.

Very sorry for your loss. Share some stories and memories with the person doing the service. Have other family members do the same. Sit this one out and allow yourself time to grieve if that’s what you need.