All things must pass said G. Harrison.

Give it time, life goes on.
Most of us are old enough to say BTDT and wisely have learned and can show you the scars but it is true that there's a brighter tomorrow ahead. Just make the best of it until you get there . Give it time.


Adopt, adapt and enjoy the fuck out of it.

The best is yet to come wrote Cy Coleman.

0-0 / BlueMeanie59 on Xbox

0-0

I count my scars like tree rings.

Rain - you are on the path.

Glad you got resolution quickly. I'm still in process. Keep on every day. Your moto rides are going to be fantastic being in shape to enjoy.

It's ok to reflect as that is how we learn, but keep looking and moving forward.

Cheers~

Much wisdom in this thread.

Went through a very painful divorce in '88. Ended up, thankfully, with custody of my two elementary school aged sons. She got the horses.

I flirted for quite some time with doing the deed yet again but, like some others have reported here, managed to escape unscathed. Lots of hidden baggage and cloaked train wrecks avoided. Yes, even at this late date I miss the readily available night time "belly warmer" but not enough to sacrifice my freedom. I remain quite content with living with who I am.

During the terrible down period, this was my song. The lyrics "Can't live with or without you" resonated loudly.

Update:
As the tides turn, I am now happy alone.
I am making my house as I want it.
I bought a new Samsung 75in 4K UHD tv that has altered my theater dramatically.

I have discovered who my true friends are, and hold them close.
Several members here have navigated me through depression and got me to the other side.

Three members her I dearly love and owe a great deal to.
Thank you Dewhorse, The Bird Brothers, Prefontaine, jhe888, and many others.
Thank you all for your support and Para for having this forum.

Riding the Ducati has given me perspective and was sorely missed.

I am on the right path to success and will never stray again. Everytime I turn around now, I am financially better off.

And I do NOT need a woman to be happy.

My Father was right.

Good to hear.

Excellent update!

You are the only person that can make you happy.

I am glad you have come to teems with this.

This is a good update to see. You’re likely to have a few more bouts of “WTF did I do” but they’ll be fewer and farther between. Just be sure that when the next hottie comes along you have fun and maintain some perspective.

Glad to hear that you've turned a page and are much happier......

Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

quote:

Originally posted by Prefontaine:
Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

Words I've literally lived my life by since 1982.
Damone was on to something.

The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

Good to see things going well for you rainman64.
No shame in being alone.
No shame in taking your needs into your own hands..
Do it, it's done, go to sleep..

I was divorced 14 years and finally happy being alone after 3 failed relationships in that time.
Evaluated the common denominator in those relationships, ME.
Rid myself of my enabling 'I think I can help her' ways.

Met my current wife, an independent, self sufficient, financially stable woman.
We are together because we want to be, not because we need to be..

Watch this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imPQfZik4uQ

Sometimes being alone is better than being with someone that makes you miserable.
Alone is good. Just not too alone.

On the immaturity thing:

A woman I know in another country that I met during some business trips and stayed in contact with was not taking the lockdowns well. She would call and whine about the emotional toll, but before that she would whine about how people are out to take advantage of others, and her. And I'm like - you decided to get houses built so you could rent them out and it's a surprise that contractors will extract as much money from you as they can, and renters will try to pay as little as possible? Still she wanted to come visit when possible and she's in great shape and quite young looking for her age, and some people just can't handle isolation as well as others.

Earlier this year I reconnected with a cousin I hadn't really talked to much in a long time and we had a lot in common. He's a few years older than me, and died unexpectedly in late January. I wasn't too happy about that or inclined to listen to the whining from said woman about her emotional issues during the lockdown.

And she said something like, "you only talked to him for a month and should save your grief for someone who matters more to you". She actually trivialized a family tragedy and said it shouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, because her whining about being alone during the lockdowns is more important?

I told her off quite harshly and demanded an apology and admission that she was way out of line. She refused to acknowledge doing anything wrong, which is a very common pattern I see, and my words became harsher. She accused me of "attacking her" and blocked me. Fine. I have had enough of women that refuse to admit ever saying or doing anything wrong and never apologizing. I've also had enough of those that play silent treatment any time they think I did something wrong. It never gets any better, nor do they ever grow out of it.

The number of men I see that have to get permission from their wives to do or buy anything, while the wives spend whatever they want on clothes, shoes, purses, and what have you is alarming. One guy got dragged to early church mass hung over the day after St. Patrick's day, because it was less painful than her response to not going to church. Another guy had to get permission from his wife to spend like $150 to upgrade a seat on a 10 hour flight above what the company would pay for. Big guy that does not fit economy very well, and needed economy plus. He makes almost $200K a year and his wife makes more. Another guy was freaked out that I spotted him 10,000 yen in Japan to go to a "club" and later realized it was $100 and not $10 (he was thinking won in Korea which are 1000:1, while yen are 100:1). I know he freaked because getting $100 from the ATM to pay me would be seen by his wife on the bank statement and he'd have to explain it. And every guy in the gunshop - if my wife finds out....

quote:

Originally posted by ScreamingCockatoo:
Sometimes being alone is better than being with someone that makes you miserable.
Alone is good. Just not too alone.

I worked with several married guys who were miserable from wife and several family members living together and sponging off him. Guys who could not afford to turn down overtime. Guys who had to account for every penny earned.

I guess these co workers couldn't say no and allowed it to happen.

All of you are correct.

My life continues to improve every day.

And wholly my finances are greatly improved.

I loved this, and it pretty much sums up getting yourself back:
LOVE AFTER LOVE
by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

quote:

Originally posted by rainman64:
And wholly my finances are greatly improved.

That was one of the best parts of being single post-divorce for me. My financial peace and stability improved dramatically, now that I have 100% control over every penny in my budget, and am no longer having to try to reason with someone who's on a different page than me when it comes to finances.