Thanks BB I'll get what you recommended.

After you have cleaned up, put a dab of the normal hemorrhoid cream on TP with another dab of the lidocaine cream on top and gently apply. Lidocaine is your friend. Suppositories when you are going to bed. Wipes are easier than TP. Don't flush them.

Filing this in the 'Hope I never need to know this shit' section.

Anyone suffering with them, especially long term...Go and get them taken care of. Yes it sucks. Yes it's initially painful. But life afterwards with the butthole of a ten yr old...is wonderful. No more pain, no more soreness or BM issues.

To get clinical for a moment, hemorrhoids are varicose veins, similar to what people get in their legs but these are in the rectal area. There are two varieties, internal and external. If high enough up inside, they can be painlessly banded and disappear. Unfortunately, the ones we encounter most are external and if severe enough, require surgical removal. I had surgery twice, ten years apart. Yes, unfortunately, they can recur. My surgeries were years ago and each time, I was in the hospital for about 5 days, chewing on morphine and waiting on that first BM. Things being what they are today, it is outpatient surgery. I can't imagine that! I'm sure it's different if you are a Blue Cross/Blue Shield executive.
In my extensive experience, I never found PreparationH to be worth a damn! Not sure if it's still available but they used to offer tetracaine ointment. That gave a very cooling sensation. Post- op, a good idea is mineral oil by mouth. It softens the stool to the point, that it sneaks up on you, "what was that?? did I just..? Oh, man.."
Tips to avoid or postpone surgery, include not using the bathroom as a library, get in there and get out of there. Stool softeners to avoid straining. There is a soothing cleaning product used after a BM called Balneol, good but overly expensive. I used to tell patients to avoid surgery until you find you are scheduling your life around your rear end. After a trip to the bathroom, I would have to lie down for 15-20 minutes to reduce the swelling. That's when it's time to call the surgeon. Good luck fellas.

I can't believe this stinky thread got to page 2.