Twin boys are 18 and supposed to graduate high school in a few months.

J is a near perfect child. Grades, behavior, overall responsibility. The whole package.

M was a near perfect child. All of the above, plus an enviable 4.0+ GPA with college level course to boot.

Then comes the pandemic.

Then comes remote school learning.

J struggles, but figures it out.

M struggles...and collapses. His grades have gone to shit, he grumpy and short with us more often than not, and now he is at risk of not graduating high school on time because of a class that he is failing.

We have found that he has been lying to us about his progress and telling us what we wanted to hear.

We’ve been working with school councilors, personal therapists, and one on one conversations.

A year ago in my wildest nightmares did I even consider this situation; yet here we are.

Obviously plenty of backstory, conversations, and more personal info left out, but this is the gist.

Stepping outside of the situation, it is absolutely amazing to me that two boys, raised pretty much the same way, could end up being so different.

My oldest (9) did not cope well with remote learning. She went from straight As to Cs.
We returned to in person class & her grades shot back up.

I was the same way in college. Tried a few self-study & remote classes, and ended up dropping them, as that method just doesn't work for me.

COVID has way more victims due to the “cure” than the disease ever will. These kids got fucked by a system that prioritized the agenda over the well being of the citizenry. We will be seeing the effects of stories like yours for quite awhile. I wish you the best in navigating the solution.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:


Obviously plenty of backstory, conversations, and more personal info left out, but this is the gist.

Stepping outside of the situation, it is absolutely amazing to me that two boys, raised pretty much the same way, could end up being so different.

Going from 4.0 to failing there must be something but I can't help you but wish you the best of luck.

Kids like adults are wired a certain way.
There are those who are capable of just doing stuff on their own and those who need that discipline to succeed.
My grand daughter has just gone smoking along and one of my grand sons.
The other 3 grandsons have had a hell of a struggle.
Kids need that interaction that School brings for their mental/social health and this shutdown has taken its' toll on them.
All you can do is your best to help them stay on track.
Good luck.

quote:

Originally posted by P250UA5:
My oldest (9) did not cope well with remote learning. She went from straight As to Cs.
We returned to in person class & her grades shot back up.

Christ, they’re grading them at 9yo? I thought it was all 1-4, or “needs improvement”, “satisfactory” “exceeds” sort of stuff til 6th or so.. I’d better get on the stick with my kid.

OP, I’m sorry to hear this. I hope the boys get along..maybe the one who’s doing well can provide assistance to his twin. This has been a real shit sandwich dealt to the kids who are in 7th grade up, imho, and I’m a little surprised that the school is considering failing anyone right now. So many people have made radical changes in their lives due to the hand we were all dealt. As mentioned, we are all unique in how we handle different things, and I think 18 can be a pretty fragile age.. supposed to be an adult, but you just aren’t yet, etc, etc. And the sheer frustration of how this last year has gone to top it all off, well.. good luck to him. Hopefully he can see that you’re in his corner.

And worst case, is it so bad that he delays graduation? Maybe he needs to step out of the framework with you for a few weeks or something like that?

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:
Going from 4.0 to failing there must be something but I can't help you but wish you the best of luck.

The way I read it, the failing seems to be limited to one class that's a requirement for graduation.

I understand the frustration and hope he gets his schoolwork worked out.

that would be very frustrating. Hard to say why that is. But is sounds like you are doing everything in your power to help him.

I was worried that my son would get side tracked with distance learning but he had some incredible discpline. He would do the days school work in 2 hours and had the rest of the day to do what he wanted. Kept his 4.1 through it all taking mostly AP classes.

No input on your specific situation, but wanted to say remote learning is total BS. The schools absolutely suck at it. I believe they failed miserably. I don’t think they put any thought or creativity into it. They fucked plenty of kids out of a year of education and potentially did a lifetime of damage to some. Fortunately we are in Texas and we did a very short stint of remote learning.

quote:

Originally posted by pedropcola:
COVID has way more victims due to the “cure” than the disease ever will. These kids got fucked by a system that prioritized the agenda over the well being of the citizenry. We will be seeing the effects of stories like yours for quite awhile.

THIS

I'm divorced so don't have much oversight on my 17 year old. But he has always struggled in high school, but not to the point of failing. Well this year, his senior also, he is flunking everything. There is a good possibility he doesn't graduate. I'm at a loss how to help him. The limited time I see him he just yes's me to death. Online learning is not working.

quote:

Originally posted by frayedends:
I'm divorced so don't have much oversight on my 17 year old. But he has always struggled in high school, but not to the point of failing. Well this year, his senior also, he is flunking everything. There is a good possibility he doesn't graduate. I'm at a loss how to help him. The limited time I see him he just yes's me to death. Online learning is not working.

Maybe I am uniquely fortunate, but I’ve met with his school counselors and they have gone above and beyond looking for solutions.

For this final trimester they have reduced his class load to specifically the three classes he needs to graduate. That’s it.

If you have not done so yet, reaching out to his school may be an option.

If your wildest nightmares are eclipsed by a child failing a class and graduating late then i want your life!

All kids are different, even twins, ours are night and day. How shitty would it be if they lacked that individualism.

Work through it and dont worry if he isnt doing as well as the other. We didnt need the comparison for you to make your point to us, and he dang sure dont. Give him time, give him the opportunity to overcome the adversities.

If youve done your job dad then he'll likely surpise you. If he doesnt, i dont think youre gonna "teach him" at 18.

That all sounds harsh but then again the possible outcomes dont warrant panic.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: OttoSig,

quote:

If your wildest nightmares are eclipsed by a child failing a class and graduating late then I want your life!

If you've done your job dad then he'll likely suprise you. If he doesn't, I dont think you're gonna "teach him" at 18.

FWIW I was one "of those", it took me two years as a Senior, two classes in summer school and one in night school while working full time to get my diploma. At 19, late in my second Senior year I realized that something had to change. And I did do just that.

Some of us just realize a bit late.

Online 'learning' is a racket. Teachers love it because the lazy ones can get away with very minimal involvement...it basically makes the parent the teacher.

quote:

Originally posted by bdylan:
Online 'learning' is a racket. Teachers love it because the lazy ones can get away with very minimal involvement...it basically makes the parent the teacher.

Uhhh...I’m a teacher and can’t fucking stand it. In fact, most of the colleagues I talk to hate it. We’d much rather be back. Do you lump everyone together in every situation??

Ronin—-

My wife and I are both teachers and dealing with the same issue as you. 2 out of 3 kids have adapted and are maintaining their pre-Covid grades; straight A’s in honors and AP classes. One has been struggling, severely. He is extremely smart, earning straight A’s his entire school career, but just can’t learn this way. I don’t know what your capabilities and time constraints are, but my wife and I have taken turns reviewing what is being taught in his classes and actually sitting down and teaching the material to him. We’ve had to do some learning ourselves to help in the subjects that aren’t in our content areas. After teaching the material face to face, he gets it and does well. It has been time consuming, stressful and frustrating but has made a difference for him.

The whole situation is fucked and is hurting A LOT of kids, teachers and parents, not just yours. I say this to let you know he’s not alone in struggling with this, including my own son. I hope you and he can figure a way for him to get through and finish the school year. If you can find someone to sit face to face and help him directly with the material and physically be there while he does it, it may make a difference.

Good to hear. IMHO, with two kids, one 19 in college and a 13 year old in 8th grade...we have seen a huge dive in the quality of education. Both kids in accelerated programs, an for our son we were able to start him back in school in September. Even so, the Junior classes mixed remote and on Prem have been pretty poorly taught with little support for the kids. A few teachers are working hard and care, but many just going through the motions, some have quit and in the end the kids are expected to self teach. Has been hard and not surprised to to hear.

You’d think it would be better in college with senior level engineering courses...but no. My daughter is in senior year, advance Mech engineering focus on Aerospace and she is teaching herself quite a bit. TAs make tons of grading errors, every class IS remote, group projects are more of nightmare than in the past...she is literally fighting for grades every exam (and winning) but it is not right.

I have a ton of sympathy for you and your kids, this is hardest on the kids right now and I wish you the best. Like others, I believe the “cure” has been worse than the disease, especially on our most precious part of the population our kids.

my 13-yr old 7th grader has been distance learning since November. Trying to get her back into in-person learning. She hates sitting apart from everyone, wearing a mask. Plus, just doesn't seem to care.

This article sums it up: https://www.joannejacobs.com/2.../they-sit-and-stare/