I hate being staffed in triage...

May 18, 2018, 03:19 AM

2000Z-71

I am truly starting to loathe being staffed in triage. The questions that I'd really like to ask.

How is it that you claim to have an allergy to Tylenol but you're here tonight because you lost your last prescription for percocet?

Do you really have allergies to 21 different medications or are you just batshit crazy?

How is it you're still alive when you claim to have an allergy to iron?

Why are you here tonight? No, I don't care what happened 6 years ago, why are you here tonight?

Would you mind stepping up on the scale? Sorry, I'm going to call bullshit that with your 62" of height and 42" waist line that you weigh 135lbs.

On a scale of 1 to 10, please rate your pain. Keep in mind 0 is no pain and 10 is having your face melted off with a blow torch, so with that said, where on that scale does your ingrown toe nail rate?

Really? You're here because you think you're pregnant? Did you try going to Wal-Mart across the street first and looking the pharmacy section for a stick to pee on?

How is it that the spider bite that's turned into an abscess is right on top of a vein? Was it a vampire spider or a methylantula?

So how exactly did you find out that you have an allergy to haldol?

Could you please list your medical complaint as something that I don't have to look up on Urban Dictionary?

May 18, 2018, 04:02 AM

bald1

Working in the ER has to be like dealing with an alien invasion. You have my appreciation and sympathy.

As an aside my first and most memorable ER experience was after I was in an auto accident when I was 20. The horn ring on my '67 Mustang had just missed taking an eye out but still had cut deep and long from the eye socket. Triage had me queued for a doc with tiny suture skills to minimize the scars. My brother brought my mom in after they were both notified that I had totaled my car. We all sat together waiting. Next to us was a young gal who worked as a local stripper that had a beer bottle "stuck" apparently from suction "down there." She was only one of a number of otherworldly characters that passed through during our wait. Talk about making my mom uncomfortable. Of course my younger brother had a hard time containing himself which didn't help any. A night I'll never forget.

May 18, 2018, 05:54 AM

MWC

Try this one:

Have you ever been the victim of a homicide?

May 18, 2018, 07:47 AM

sigmonkey

quote:
Originally posted by bald1:... A night I'll never forget.

Sat there wide eyed, eh?

<snicker>

May 18, 2018, 08:17 AM

Ripley

quote:
Originally posted by 2000Z-71:

So how exactly did you find out that you have an allergy to haldol?

I remember reading about Haldol maybe forty years ago or more and it seemed to have more side-effects than I'd seen, most of them were ugly to catastrophic. I don't recall sniffles and sneezing being on the list, coulda been.

May 18, 2018, 08:37 AM

rsbolo

That is an excellent post.

I chuckled.

May 18, 2018, 09:13 AM

610

Working triage is the one of few things in live that is more "fun" than working EMS.....

May 18, 2018, 10:22 AM

Sig2340

Then there is my own experience on the other side of the triage, i.e., as the patient.

My worst cluster headache had my wife take me to the ER at 0300.

The Emergency Room Tech was very dismissive of my claims to have a murderously painful cluster headache. He clearly thought I was faking pain in an attempt to get drugs.

So there he is taking my blood pressure.
< Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Pump
Stop

As he kept pumping, his eyes began to take on the cast of the ER Tech who knows he's made a bad call on someone's condition.

My BP was 295/210.

That got his attention, got me wheeled into the care area rickytickquick, and the doc asking me what was normally done for my cluster headaches, because he saw my medical history at that hospital was annotated that I was a diagnosed CH patient.

I replied "15L/min of O2 via a non-rebreather mask, a normal saline line KVO, and could you please give me some Phenergan so I don't feel like vomiting."

My point here is never dismiss a patient. Treat them equally, because one day you might take the BP of a patient like me, or more importantly, you might have a patient like I saw be dismissed by an ambulance crew who brought her in for a "headache."

The tech coming on as I was leaving went to take her vitals and discovered a single blown pupil. Cerebral hemorrhage in a 24 yo female. She died the next day in the ICU.

May 18, 2018, 02:52 PM

Sportshooter

A pinched nerve in my back had my left arm feeling like it was on fire. It was scary painful. The meds my doctor gave me didn’t do any good so, I finally gave up and went to the ER, where a nurse kept hectoring me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I didn’t have the foggiest idea how to do that with any accuracy. So, how does it help for someone to just pull a number out of the air?

quote:

May 18, 2018, 02:55 PM

V-Tail

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939

May 18, 2018, 03:43 PM

creedbratton2

My last trip to the ER I got to listen to the patient in the next room (separated by a curtain)who was given Narcan for their overdose. I was surprised the doctor didn't just outright call the guy a liar. He had only been using Heroin "a week" before he caught a bad shot.

May 18, 2018, 04:54 PM

GWbiker

In the '70's I dated a Nurse who worked in ER in a downtown Reading Community Hospital.

The work related tales she told at parties (patient names omitted) got us invited to many parties.

May 18, 2018, 05:04 PM

Otto Pilot

Last time I was in an ER as a customer, the triage nurse asked why I was there.

"I fought the rock and the rock won."

After getting a bit of a blank stare I held up the arm that needed 15 stitches.

At least I thought it was funny. LOL

May 18, 2018, 05:48 PM

specwar451

2000Z-71: I feel your pain. I currently work at a local hospital, and for the last 19 1/2yrs as an armed Security Officer/911 Emergency Medical Dispatcher. The only reason I have not retired yet, I have a front row seat to the greatest show in the county. I am sticking around to see what comes in next. Just when I thought I had seen it all, something comes in and it just blows me away the amount of stupidity some people use to get hurt. Some use alot, some don't have to use any!!

May 18, 2018, 06:01 PM

slabsides45

quote:
Originally posted by V-Tail:
3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939

Mmmmm. Cherry.

May 18, 2018, 11:59 PM

YooperSigs

During my glorious career in Law Enforcement, I would end up in the ER.
I greeted medical staff with this statement:
"I am reasonably sane, quite sober and have heath care insurance".
Always got first class care after I said that.

May 19, 2018, 02:11 AM

2000Z-71

What's even better is triaging a patient, having them insist their fibromyalgia has crippled them so they are no longer ambulatory, insisting on wheelchairs and heavy assistance transferring from chair to bed, bed to commode, etc., then seeing them drinking and dancing on the lawn at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

May 19, 2018, 06:39 AM

mrbill345

Oh the stories I could tell.

I hated triage mainly because all the "Ask a Nurse" phone call got transferred there.

Our ER waiting room had windows facing the street, so I could watch patients walk normally up the street & as soon as they got to the door they'd suddenly develop such severe symptoms that they couldn't move.

The patient with such severe back spasm pain rocking back & forth in triage. The same guy that as I was rushing a gurney out to the driveway to grab a shooting victim (counted 5 holes in quick exam) decided to roll around on the floor in my way.

The patient w/ a complaint of congestion for 6 weeks complaining about a 3 hour wait threatening to sue for the wait.

Patient & companion asking for cab tickets a7 after being told they had been discontinued asked for the location of the ATM.

Getting a patient out of a car with a tri-malleolar (the 3 connections from leg to ankle) ankle fracture with his foot only being held to his leg by skin.

Observing the PID shuffle.

The number of assaults by "these two dudes"

The only time I heard the waiting room go quiet & stop complaining was when a father brought in an unresponsive infant that I grabbed, immediately started CPR & rushed back into the main department. No one in the waiting room complained for a while.

From the Emergency Nursing World Humor section:

quote:
You might work in an ER if...

You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20...

You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency...

You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"...

You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"...

You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"...

You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing...

You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."...

You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag...

You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to arrival)...

You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola® and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups... (A big thank you to Shannon for the great contributions)

You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and put the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives...

You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on backboards with sirens on and anxiety a level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch... (and you know that this is more time than you usually get)... (Special thanks to Henry J. Siegelson, MD)

You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours... (Special thanks to Warren Magnus, D.O.)

You have four categories of patients...urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off)...

You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily...

You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation...

You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory...
(The last three come compliments of our friend, Mary O'Neill)

You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"...

You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit...

Lots more great stuff there!