A very enlightening thread. One of the observations here that I certainly agree with is irreverant's post - "Giving up your independence is hard. Especially if you’re proud, and you’ve managed alone your whole life. Show some grace to those folks. It’s really hard to come to terms with."

Unless dementia is involved, as someone grows older, if they revert to infancy, depending upon others for things they can do themselves, that's a serious character flaw. That character flaw would have been evident prior to becoming elderly. My observation has been that mean, selfish, or lazy people may temper these character flaws somewhat (although you can still see it), but with age the guard rails come off and those aspects of their character are easy to see.

As I grow older I do have limitations that I didn't have before. I am very blessed because I have family who step in to help. Although I try to limit the help only to things that I genuinely need help with.

Case in point:
88 y.o. Neighbor Charlene refuses to use her cane,.
Lives alone,
Refused to wear a call button.

Can't learn the cell phone,
Has one eye,
35% hearing loss.
Liver failed last year.

Well I found her this morning on the floor half way out of her apt.
Had been there since 10:00 last night
(12 hrs.)

Didn't want to disturb her 94 y.o., 82 y.o.and 65 y.o. neighbors.

Called the ambulance.

Went through it with both my parents who lived to be 88 and 90 (they died within 18 months of each other 5 years ago). Up until the last 3 years they were in their own home (65 years). I will add that my siblings and I were in denial about both our parents staying/living safely in their own home - we let them stay too long and it's a miracle some of the things that happened in that period were not more serious. As we struggled through our parents decline I found myself frustrated and on rare occasion I would get cross with them. To this day I still feel immense guilt about it. I am now 57. When I am in my declining years I hope my kids are more compassionate and patient than I was with my parents.

I see patients who should have been placed in some sort of different living situation sooner almost every day in my ER. There are almost always warning signs to the family, but respect for parental roles or failure to assume the role of the adult in the relationship almost always prevents the inevitable "We can't possibly take care of them" discussion that occurs burdening their parents on the local hospital. My parents are both in their 70s now, and thankfully I have not had to make hard choices regarding their care and living situations, but I know that will come. Failure to plan even a little bit for your parents should be a felony offense, because that failure costs the protective services and medical systems an enormous amount of both monetary and psychiatric costs...

My Grandmother lived to be 96. She would sometimes ask me to help her to do something in her garden and when she would struggle a bit with something I would giggle along with her. Then she would look at me, smile and say " Just you wait."
I now know what she meant lol

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by Flash-LB:

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

I AM NOT IN DENIAL!

I thought De Nial was a river in Africa.

Wait . . . Isn't that a trim level on some GM vehicles?

,
No no no! It's a mountain in Alaska!

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
Case in point:
88 y.o. Neighbor Charlene refuses to use her cane,.
Lives alone,
Refused to wear a call button.

Can't learn the cell phone,
Has one eye,
35% hearing loss.
Liver failed last year.

Well I found her this morning on the floor half way out of her apt.
Had been there since 10:00 last night
(12 hrs.)

Didn't want to disturb her 94 y.o., 82 y.o.and 65 y.o. neighbors.

Called the ambulance.

UPDATE:
She's out of rehab now and in assisted living back in Moline.