So at the end of 2018 I finally got picked up at the tower I've always wanted to work at. I started off 2019 sitting at home waiting to go to work because of the .gov shut down. In February, we accidentally got pregnant. I didn't want a second kid, I still don't. I tried to talk my wife out of it before knowing how far along we were already into the pregnancy. I still feel incredible regret and guilt over even suggesting. Starting training at a new facility sucks, no matter how good you are, it's tough. In April we lost the pregnancy. My wife blamed herself. No matter how many times I told her that it wasn't her fault, she won't listen. She thinks because she ate sushi before she found out that she was pregnant, that was what caused it.

She wanted a second kid. After this devastating loss, it solidified that I didn't want a second kid. She feared that later in life, she would resent me for not wanting a second kid. I told her that is a choice that she would have to make.

This summer our oldest dog developed doggie vertigo. We didn't know what it was at the time and started to prep for the worst because he is 14. It was a rough time because we've had him since he was a pup. After many trips to the vet, we got it sorted out. He finally walks straight but like most older dogs, his hips are going and he needs to be carried up and down the stairs.

All this while training. I was hoping for empathy from my work but got "suck it up and deal with it". My training was suspended and they took it to a training review board. I would have thought that the board would have understood the extenuating circumstances but it looks like they did not. My trainers stated that I was inconsistent. The board will (if they haven't already) suggest terminating my training to my manager. He is a good guy. I have rarely seen a manager go against the board's recommendation. It looks like my time at my dream facility is over.

I guess my luck can carry me through because the bright side is that I have a strong chance to return to my last facility. It sucks having to go back with my tail between my legs but it certainly could be worse.

It's been a rough year and I can't wait for 2020.

I'm with you -- hope 2020 is better. Prayers up for you.

Tinyman

23 days to go and this suck of a year is over. You’ll make it and things will start a new. Best for 2020.

That’s tough. I’m sensitive when it comes to a person’s livelihood.

Sometimes you just have to go on the belief that it was all for the best.

I’ve had many disappointments that turned out to be blessings in hindsight.

My problems have been trivial compared to other people’s but I’m hoping for a better 2020 as well. All the best to everyone.

quote:

Originally posted by Phantom229:
It's been a rough year and I can't wait for 2020.

Sorry to hear it's been such a difficult year for you & your wife. There's no doubt she is struggling with losing the pregnancy.

I wish I had better advice to give, but things will get better. Hang in there.

Here's to a better 2020. Stuff with the job is an annoyance, but not nearly as significant as the question on a second child. Hope you guys come to an agreement on that.

It makes life harder when my daughter asks Santa for a real baby sister.

Maybe reconsider the second kid thing? You think your life is bad now, wait until she has that baby with someone else.

^^^^
Yeah, sage advice. Kids are 95% on the woman, so I would just suck it up and do it. Or accept that it may not go well.

May you have a better 2020 - I can empathize with the dog situation, we had some severe medical issues for several months (tough when it's 175# great dane) and after all that had to put him down. Very rough decision.

quote:

Originally posted by AirmanJeff:
Maybe reconsider the second kid thing? You think your life is bad now, wait until she has that baby with someone else.

But if she’d be willing to leave that easy, paying child support for 2 kids would be almost unbearable. Her argument for 2 could be made for 3.

It may not seem like it now,but you can get through this with your wife and be stronger and closer when you come out the other side. Always move forward is all I can offer. Hang in.

quote:

Originally posted by AirmanJeff:
Maybe reconsider the second kid thing? You think your life is bad now, wait until she has that baby with someone else.

That is kind of an inappropriate thing to suggest. You don't even know these people, but even if you did . . .

Sorry for your troubles, Phantom229.

While we all know that eating a little sushi didn't harm the fetus, I know that sort of belief can be hard to dislodge.

Stick together, things will start to look up.

Sorry also,,

just to say it... this year I had a massive heart attack... recovered almost fully and then fell off a roof and broke two vertebrae.....

Heart attack cost me about two months work.. I'm self employed now the dive off the roof has cost me another month's.

Sorry to hear of all your troubles. What positions are you having trouble with. Is yours an up down? Haven't your union folks been helping you out? Hope things get better soon.

Sorry about your year man. I don't have any advice, sounds like you are in a tough spot.

Lots going on for you. I'm way too old to be having another kid, but I wish I could. I regret not having a 3rd, and even wish it was a little girl. Sure, I've got grand kids, but you never have enough of them. Way better than your own.

The advice to suck it up and keep trying is pretty darn good. Later in life you'll wish you had. You got the opportunity and blew it, or almost did.

First and foremost you have my condolences for everything that happened, especially the loss of your child.

I’m going to highly suggest that you go see a professional. Be it a pastor (if you’re religious) or a therapist. Maybe a marriage counselor too. There is no shame in asking for help from people who specialize in giving it. If for no other reason than just to have someone to talk to. Someone who won’t take sides. Who will be sympathetic but still play devils advocate when needed.

The year is an arbitrary marking of time. Your problems aren’t going to magically disappear because the earth rotates a few more times. If you want things to improve you have to work to improve them.

I don’t know if you believe in a God, but I do so I’ll keep you in my prayers.

I didn’t want a second kid back in 2006 but apparently not bad enough to be especially careful either evidently. Now I can’t imagine not having number 2 in my life. Hope things turn for the better for you two.