Here's what was said when I graduated high school:

"You're 18. Adios. You're on your own."

And I replied, "WHOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! See ya."

I stayed at home during the summers when I was fighting fire (paid rent), and went home for holidays, but otherwise? I was an adult, I was responsible for myself, and I was on my own to live my life with the foundation they gave me and to pay my own damn bills.

I have just over ten years of higher education under my belt, costing me in the low six figures. Not one thin dime of that money was paid by anyone other than me (excluding the paltry scholarships that I was eligible for as a single white guy). But, I hear people in my age bracket constantly whining and complaining about "having to" pay for their spawn's college. WTF?

If you can afford it, and it's in your heart to do so? Knock yourself out. Otherwise? STFU. I don't want to hear about how broke you are because you are supporting your ADULT children.

When the hell did this become an obligation and the thing to do? When kids started living in their parent's basements for years? When they began keeping them on their insurance until they're 26? When did parents begin to feel the need to go in the poorhouse supporting their kids well into adulthood? It damn sure wasn't when I came of age. We got the boot, and if we were lucky, a "Good Luck!".

I was at a BBQ with a group of folks from work the other day and one of the gals was complaining about having to pay for her son's Master's Degree at the University of Washington.

When I voiced my opinion on the topic, more than a few people there looked at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead.

My kids have paid for all of their college on their own (with one of them currently enrolled in a Master's program) and are content with having had to do so. Never once did they ask me for help and I'm proud of them for that.

I think some people just need to learn how to let go and kick the urchins out of the nest.

I was 17 when I graduated from HS and I couldn't wait to get out. I have been on my own since then, and other than a small (less than two thousand dollars) inheritance, I worked to pay my own way for everything.

College time, I got some help from the GI Bill, not that much, and I got some help (again, not that much) from my employer, but 90% or more of my college tuition was paid for by me working for it. No student loans, either. I did the "pay as you go" plan and it took me a lot of years to earn my B.S.

I did help my stepson with college tuition but I made it very clear to him that it was NOT party time. I reimbursed him for tuition in accordance with a grade-based formula: 50% for a C, 75% for a B, and 110% for an A.

Once the grade-based formula went into effect, the little SOB tried to bankrupt me.

In Ron White's "Drunk in Pub-lik.", I too was "hurled, like a Frisbee" by one of my mom's husbands, literally, picked up and thrown out the door onto the driveway at 16 years old.

Slept in a dugout at the HS I was attending, tenth grade (up to that point), and after the second night, I decided I had a life to live and got to it.

I have continued to move forward and have no plans on stopping.

I truly made my way and sought out opportunities.

And I have no pity or sorrow for anyone who willingly fails to strive to live.

No handouts, but I will go far and wide and reach out for a hand up to anyone I can help.

My children have and do earn their way.

They understand nature has a million ways to kill and eat them, and they need to be smart to live.

They love life and have a full bag of it.

My kid and I had a conversation about this after he graduated HS. He wanted to know if I was going to foot the bill for any further schooling.
I told him that I had never missed a child support payment ( indentured servitude) in 13 years and that if his mother had not set aside any funds for college, he needed to take up that issue with her.

I have some put aside, about $6k, for our 2 year old to go to school. The amount will grow over the years but if she chooses not to go to school, I'll happily use that money for something for myself.

My parents paid for 2 quarters of business college before I failed out. I was on my own for college after that. Uncle Sam paid for my undergraduate degrees and is paying for my MBA now. I can't complain.

I just hope that my child will want to go to college or some sort of schooling where she can improve her life. I really hope she decides to skip the military unless it's the Air Force or Navy.

I'm with you guys.

I left home at 18 with a full-ride and a guaranteed job when I graduated, courtesy of the US Navy.

I came back at 19 after flunking out of college.

I got a full-time job, went to night school to become a paramedic, 2 nights a week and to get a associates degree the other two nights a week. Then worked part-time 60+ hours/week in 2 counties as a medic while I finished (and paid for) my bachelor's degree.

I did have a couple of small scholarships as I went, but I busted my ass and finished the last 2 years of my bachelor's degree in 3 regular semesters and one 18 semester-hour summer.

I love my kids, but they deserve to earn some character.

My parents made it fairly clear they couldn't afford 4 years of college for both my sister and I. I was older, and way less fragile, so I applied for scholarships and eventually accepted an appointment to West Point.

I have 3 kids, 15, 11 and 5. I started college savings funds for each of them the day they were born, and my wife and I, although by no means rich, can afford to send them to school. My oldest likely will not need it. He is already over 6'7 and is a really good basketball player and has his first division 1 recruit trip to holy cross in August (he will be a sophomore in high school this fall). I will take the money from his college fund and roll it into a trust we started for him also when he was born

If the later two follow suit, I will do the same thing. I don't know that my middle son will want to go to college and that's ok. He may be my Ranger. If that's the case, same thing, college fund goes into his trust


All this said, my parents were the first generation in their family to go to college (at least right out of high school...my dad's parents each went back to school). They wanted my sister and I to go to college because they saw it as a way for our lives to be better than theirs

I'm not sure I buy that necessarily anymore. But if my kids want to go, I've worked hard, and I want to help them

I don't feel obligated to. I have three really good kids. I want to

The second greatest gift my parents gave me, was paying for my college.

They didn't have their paid for... Their parents didn't even get to go to college...

My dad's dad, got his education into math on a destroyer in WW II figuring out how to aim the guns. My Mom's father, got his in Europe in WW II.

Probably the most important lesson they learned, and passed on to me, was that no matter hell or high water, I WAD GOING TO COLLEGE, and I WAS GOING TO DO WELL.

A lack of education WAS NOT AN OPTION. Both my brother and I HAD to get straight A's in elementary school and high school. If not, well hell, we didn't even want to find out what happened if we didn't... I never did....

But given the family history, and their perspective, it wasnt' even an option. We were going to college, they were going to pay for it, and if we fucked up, god rest our souls.

I had a long talk with my dad today actually, about my deceased mother and lots of other things. It is simply amazing the sacrifices the two of them made for us.

In my youth I ridiculed them (cause like all of us, I was once a punk kid).

Ironically, my democrat parents raised a conservative kid.... not that they wanted to, but they somehow did. (trust me, if i could go back in time 15 years and kick my own ass, I would.)

I don't think it is an "obligation" but it is certainly a "privilege" And one I am grateful that I had, even if not at the time.

It didn't. It's awesome to do so, or at least help significantly if you can, but it isn't an obligation. I think the key is communication on the issue as soon as high school begins. If you won't be able or willing to participate financially in college, make sure junior knows that from the outset so he can set his sights accordingly.

My parents were nice enough to pay for my books and give me some "walking around money" on occasion. Otherwise it was on me.

I started working at age 14 and don't think I've spent a single day since aged 15 without a steady job. I've held more than one job more than once and when I was a kid a lot of my money went to my dad so we could afford to eat and pay the mortgage. I left home at 18 for Parris Island with around 20 bucks and I've made a pretty decent living for myself. I'm the sole income in my family now and my parents didn't pay a dime for anything past high school.

So now you know I'm not spoiled.

So that said I'd love to help my kids out. I think that kids can learn character and responsibility without going into tens of thousands of dollars in debt by the time they can legally drink. Once upon a time a guy could work part time during the school year and then get a good job during summers and pay for most of his education. Those days are long gone.

Currently I'm probably not going to be able to put much toward my kids education so like me they will have to make their own way. I'm not terribly upset about that and I damn sure don't feel guilty or obligated to pay for their college. But if I can help I most certainly will.

My story.

I funded my daughters undergraduate degree. At her graduation I told her that I was really proud of her, but that my responsibility for her education had been completed. She continued on in school, earning 2 Masters and a Doctorate degree, totally funded on her own, with scholarships, assistantships, part time employment and a very small amount of student loan money. At her final graduation ceremony she thanked me for letting her learn the real value of her education, and for allowing her to earn it on her own. She has 2 teen age daughters and her own Clinical Psychology practice. She plans on taking a similar approach to her kids higher education.

As the 5th of 6 sons of a farmer, the Bank of Dad was pretty much insolvent, funding college was not an option.

As a mediocre high school student (more due to lack of effort than lack of ability) scholarships were not going to happen, and I wasn't interested anyway.

Graduated in June @ 17, 18th birthday in October and got a "real" job working for Oldsmobile, lived at home and paid rent. This being 1968/69, the draft and Viet Nam were facts of life.

Entered boot camp in February, never looked back.

Never borrowed one thin dime from my parents for anything. Never even considered asking. Just wasn't done.

Neither of my girls were even remotely interested in college, my son got his Masters after being medically retired from the Army.

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:
My kids have paid for all of their college on their own (with one of them currently enrolled in a Master's program) and are content with having had to do so. Never once did they ask me for help and I'm proud of them for that.

You were raised right. Your kids were raised right. Other people ...

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:
The second greatest gift my parents gave me, was paying for my college.

They didn't have their paid for... Their parents didn't even get to go to college...

My dad's dad, got his education into math on a destroyer in WW II figuring out how to aim the guns. My Mom's father, got his in Europe in WW II.

Probably the most important lesson they learned, and passed on to me, was that no matter hell or high water, I WAD GOING TO COLLEGE, and I WAS GOING TO DO WELL.

A lack of education WAS NOT AN OPTION. Both my brother and I HAD to get straight A's in elementary school and high school. If not, well hell, we didn't even want to find out what happened if we didn't... I never did....

But given the family history, and their perspective, it wasnt' even an option. We were going to college, they were going to pay for it, and if we fucked up, god rest our souls.

I had a long talk with my dad today actually, about my deceased mother and lots of other things. It is simply amazing the sacrifices the two of them made for us.

In my youth I ridiculed them (cause like all of us, I was once a punk kid).

Ironically, my democrat parents raised a conservative kid.... not that they wanted to, but they somehow did. (trust me, if i could go back in time 15 years and kick my own ass, I would.)

I don't think it is an "obligation" but it is certainly a "privilege" And one I am grateful that I had, even if not at the time.

This was my story. College was not an option, less than deans list not option.

I paid my first year on my own, proved I could do it and was committed. Then got the gift of a lifetime. My grandfather told me he'd pay my tuition and my mom kicked in $400 a month for everything else. I scheduled all my classes on Tuesday/Thursday and nights. Worked Mon/Wed/Fri/Sat at least 32 hours a week. I stupidly decided to take three classes my last two semesters to graduate at same time as my eventual ex-wife. Gravy train stopped there, no help if I didn't get it done in four.

I intend (assuming I have kids) on doing similar. Pay 100% for community college for first two years, then 50-75% for the rest of the time. If they want to go out of state or private, that number will drop. I wouldn't want my child to start life with $150,000 debt. I want to structure it similar to the way I had it. Get a job, pay your share, I pay mine, in the end you get a degree with minimal debt.

I think it's a shared responsibility. If the kid has no skin in the game it will not be appreciated, if they try to do it on their own they are stuck with silly amounts of debt. I like a mix of parent/student/loans for funding. I can understand the "you're on your own" side, I can't understand the "it's a free ride, learn to express yourself" side.

quote:

Originally posted by Pale Horse:
Once upon a time a guy could work part time during the school year and then get a good job during summers and pay for most of his education. Those days are long gone.

It depends on the choices one makes. If you choose to go to Cornell for a degree in Anthropology then, yes, you would be correct. But choose the first two years at a community college and the next two at a state school with a marketable degree, and it's still very do-able.

There is no reason on earth why kids have to start life $150K in debt. And there is no reason on earth why parents should pay that kind of money for their kids to get a Bachelor's degree...any Bachelor's degree.

Smart choices can get you a marketable degree for $20-$30K, and this is not an over-the-top financial burden for any young adult. Hell, they spend more than that on a car.

Not every kid needs to go to college, but if they decide to, then they need to have a plan on how to pay for it and what they're going to do with it. They are adults now and need to start acting like it.

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:Smart choices can get you a marketable degree for $20-$30K, and this is not an over-the-top financial burden for any young adult.

That might be a little light for a 4 year degree, but would certainly get you a degree in the trades. For many, that could be a better choice anyway.

I set aside a fixed amount for my daughter's college education (because I can and wanted to) based on my estimates, not her wish list. She knew the amount going in. She chose a public university, got scholarships and always lived with one or more room mates. As a result, almost 40% of the fund was still there when she graduated and started on her Master's degree. I'd estimate she will finish grad school less than $30k in debt. That scenario isn't possible for all families, but neither is paying $60k per year for a private school. We all make choices and guilt shouldn't be part of this one.

My daughter wants to pay for her own schooling or so she says. She is fiercely independent so she may.
August 1st is coming quickly and she's applying to a bunch of schools. She doesn't want to stay in Ohio so it'll be out of state.
As a side note, she did tell me that what I made last year isn't helping her secure a student loan.

never.

I left home at 17 when I dropped out of school because my son was born (oops). Haven't been back. Going to be 43 soon.

Paid for everything on my own. Did not want to leach on my parents. I got a job, finished high school, went to college, got more jobs, paid off student loans, etc.

Going to be 43 soon. Oldest will be 26 soon and I did not pay for his college either. He's on his own now (Army) with a wife and kid of his own.

My next two (14 and 10) already know I won't be paying for their college. My 14 year old is bemoaning the oppressive child labor laws (her words) because no one will hire her at age 14 to work.

Now my granddaughter, that's another story, I'm going to spoil her rotten!

quote:

As a side note, she did tell me that what I made last year isn't helping her secure a student loan.

brutal