You'd think after 40+ years I'd know better...

Question:
Which is the more productive use of your time?

Choices:
Banging your head against a brick wall.
Whacking yourself in the 'nads with a 2x4
Trying to convince your kids/grandkids not to go into debt for toys.

 

You can only guide them and be there when they fall, not to bail them out though. Stupid should hurt a bit

quote:

Originally posted by BigSwede:
You can only guide them and be there when they fall, not to bail them out though. Stupid should hurt a bit

I know, it's just frustrating. Gotta let them pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Neither of the boys appear to have learned anything from the hole their Mother has dug for herself.

It surprised me, when I was in college, that I was the voice of reason to a co-worker old enough to be my parent.

She was considering title-loaning her car, so her & her husband could take a long weekend to the beach (90 miles from where we lived/worked).

At 22 yrs old, I knew it was a bad idea & talked her out of it.
If you can't afford it, don't go. Taking out a high interest loan & getting your car repossessed isn't worth a weekend away.

@ P250UA5 - Jesus! I can't even imagine being that clueless!

I talked a co worker out of buying a restored 1956 Chevy. Could barely pay his bills but he was gonna drop $20k+ on a car he didn’t need and had no place to store it.

Some people just have to learn the hard way, I am like that with some things.

Let them learn!

quote:

Originally posted by P250UA5:
It surprised me, when I was in college, that I was the voice of reason to a co-worker old enough to be my parent.

It surprised me when I had to explain to my parent a fact of life.

Mom: I'm going to get a new car.
Me (knowing her finances): Can you afford a new car?
Mom: Doesn't matter. I need a new car.
Me: Something wrong with your car?
Mom: No.
Me: So what it really is, is you want a new car, not need a new car.
Mom (clearly irritated): Ok, I want a new car.
Me: How will you pay for it?
Mom: ...

I left it at that. When I was over there again, a couple weeks later, "I thought about what you said and decided to keep my car."

quote:

Originally posted by ensigmatic:

It surprised me when I had to explain to my parent a fact of life.

Mom: I'm going to get a new car.
Me (knowing her finances): Can you afford a new car?
Mom: Doesn't matter. I need a new car.
Me: Something wrong with your car?
Mom: No.
Me: So what it really is, is you want a new car, not need a new car.
Mom (clearly irritated): Ok, I want a new car.
Me: How will you pay for it?
Mom: ...

I left it at that. When I was over there again, a couple weeks later, "I thought about what you said and decided to keep my car."

Jesus, that's depressing. I keep hoping that at some point they'll grasp the difference between "needing" something and "wanting" something.

Some years ago, around Christmas time, I wired $13K into my daughters bank account. It was a one time year gift and within three months it was nearly gone. I found out the monies went to Atlantic City Casino's, booze parties and $$$$ gifts to her mother, she lives with.

I soon cut off the cash flow and she was pissed and won't speak to me.

A good friend (retired Stock broker) also cut off the cash flow to his children and he claims they won't talk to him.

I see this all too frequently as well. My three kids, 15, 13, 12 all earn money doing various jobs. My youngest works the least but saves the most. My middle child works the most and saves the least (I make them save at least half of their earnings and gifts.)The eldest saves a pretty good amount and probably makes the easiest money (baby-sitting opportunities, etc.) but she's hot and heavy saving for a car.

My boy, 13, is hearing his older sibling complain loudly about how she wished she'd saved sooner/more often for her car. I think that really has his attention.

The deal I have with my kids is I will put in half for their first car. My oldest has now figured out that means quite a bit when it comes to car choices.

My son is figuring out what it means to buy impulsively. He works hard, spends his earnings then discovers he REALLY wanted something else. Good lesson at 13 I think.

Man you've hit one of my sore spots. I quit having these discussions with people. I have explained it to various family & co-workers for more than twenty years. I simply can't be bothered to aggravate myself preaching it to those unwilling to learn.

A typical recap these days now goes something like this:

The Unwilling To Learn: Man, you're so lucky. You always have money. I'm so broke. Can you help me out.

Me: I've been doing the same things I told you about for a long time now. It adds up. If you'd have started then you'd be in better shape.

TUTL: I couldn't afford to do it.

Me: You always buy the latest gadgets. You love the casino. You don't take care of your cars, yet you're surprised when they take a shit. You don't save any money.

TUTL: So, can you help me out?

Me: Nah. My advice to you was the help you needed. You didn't heed it. I can't help you.

TUTL: You're an asshole.

Me: You made the decisions. How does that make me the asshole?

TUTL: Eff You.

Me: You can't afford it.

Use steel pipe instead of 2x4 !!

Paul, this is timely. I've got a very short list of needs and growing list of wants. However, with two kids in college, we're applying all disposable income to saving for the next school year. So, I wait. I'd love a new road bike ($3500) or a groupset for my old road bike ($700). Or even do some preventative maintenance on the cars, but it's not happening. Even with my decent CA salary, I find myself doing oddjobs for the neighbor to help with the discretionary spending.

I've been married almost 25 years and have purchased eight cars - none of them new and only two on payments which I paid off ahead of time.

I admire your patience with your family members.

Aw shucks. What have those bricks done to tick you off?

Just let them screw up and learn from it. With any luck the rest of them can learn from the mistakes of others.

This coming from an old guy who has never made a car payment.

I'm still willing to help friends out. Family, not so much... Stupid hurts. That's a fact of life.

Ya, what does Grandpa know???

I change one of my Grandsons oil and rotate his tires on my dime. Last oil change I told him he had to save up for new tires before winter, and I would help some if needed...

Nope.

On his almost bald tires he slid off the road last week in the rain, through a ditch and into a parked car in someones front yard.

He is 18. No telling how much his already high insurance will be now. Not to mention his Dad thinks they are going to total the truck he gave him, a pretty nice 2005 Ford Sport Track. I bet Dad doesn't give him another one.

At least no one was hurt.

quote:

Originally posted by cparktd:
Ya, what does Grandpa know???

I change one of my Grandsons oil and rotate his tires on my dime. Last oil change I told him he had to save up for new tires before winter, and I would help some if needed...

Nope.

On his almost bald tires he slid off the road last week in the rain, through a ditch and into a parked car in someones front yard.

He is 18. No telling how much his already high insurance will be now. Not to mention his Dad thinks they are going to total the truck he gave him, a pretty nice 2005 Ford Sport Track. I bet Dad doesn't give him another one.

At least no one was hurt.

I’m not so sure I’d take that bet...

quote:

Originally posted by cparktd:
Ya, what does Grandpa know???

I change one of my Grandsons oil and rotate his tires on my dime. Last oil change I told him he had to save up for new tires before winter, and I would help some if needed...

Nope.

On his almost bald tires he slid off the road last week in the rain, through a ditch and into a parked car in someones front yard.

That is one area where I have to give the boy his due: He is a VERY cautious driver. The absolute antithesis of your stereotypical teenage male driver. He actually put off getting his license until he was 18 as he thought driving was too dangerous. Shocked me right to my toenails when he decided to get his motorcycle license.

I was partially successful. 2 of my boys are pretty frugal and good savers.

The third? Not so much. He has expensive taste even though he has a pretty modest salary as a teacher.

His most expensive lesson so far was borrowing several thousand from me to buy a car that he just *had* to have. The car got totaled and I told he still had to pay me back (even though I did not give him a timeline or charge him any interest).