<context> My dad died a two months ago and my father-in-law just a week later.

Da fuq is wrong with people? 3 or 4 times now I've been asked by seemingly normal people...."so are you doing with with Father's Day?"

Because it pisses me off I play ignorant and look at them curiously....forcing them to say it out loud....

"You know, with both your dad and father-in-law just dying." they softly say.

"Fine. I need a beer." is my response, but inside it is all I can do not to shout "how the fuck do you think I'm doing? And why would you even ask me that question? Fuck off with your drama inciting self!"

Very close cousin passed Thursday.
As I stood next to his coffin, I went cross eyed & slack jawed at how many people commented on how well Jimmy looked!

My uncle committed suicide several years ago. At the funeral several relatives asked me where he had shot himself. My answer was, "Behind the barn." Four of them were not satisfied with that, and demanded to know where he had placed the bullet. I escorted them out and told them not to come back.

No, I really don't care what they think of me.

I worked part time for a chain of funeral homes. I transported the deceased from our funeral homes to families in other states.
I was always amazed at the questions people asked me about the customer. And equally amazed when they wanted me to open the coffin. I always refused. The customer usually had not travelled well.
When it comes to death, even that of a loved one. people can be very crass and clueless.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
. . ."so [how]are you doing with with Father's Day?". . .

So what you're telling us, Ronin, is that when a person reaches out to you and expresses brotherly/christian concern for your grief/mental state after the loss of two very important men in your life, you choose to drive them away with churlish behavior? Why?

I'm sorry, truly, for the loss of both your father and father-in-law, and offer sincere condolences. Father's day must be particularly sore for you, especially this first one after your dad's demise.

May I suggest you take a few minutes and consider whether your life would be better if you learned to accept well-meaning inquiries about your state of mind and expressions of concern for your welfare just a little bit more gracefully? Rather than some variation of FOAD when an acquaintance/relative asks you how you're doing on this first Father's Day without them, you might try something along the line of "Yeah, I loved the Old Man a lot and it really hurts this year. Thanks for your concern."

quote:

Originally posted by SapperSteel:
So what you're telling us, Ronin, is that when a person reaches out to you and expresses brotherly/christian concern for your grief/mental state after the loss of two very important men in your life, you choose to drive them away with churlish behavior?

We each grieve in our own way.

Perhaps Ronin needs more time.

quote:

So what you're telling us, Ronin, is that when a person reaches out to you and expresses brotherly/christian concern for your grief/mental state after the loss of two very important men in your life, you choose to drive them away with churlish behavior? Why?

Sapper -

There are some people who feed off of "being there" for those who are sad or grieving. In many cases these people will work to create a situation where they can be in that position.

While in they own way they mean well, they get a "no-go" on situational awareness and do not understand why they should not ask such questions in a public setting.

As I get older, I am finding myself less tolerant of these attention seekers. I am happy that you do not have folks like this in your life.

quote:

Originally posted by recoatlift:
Very close cousin passed Thursday.
As I stood next to his coffin, I went cross eyed & slack jawed at how many people commented on how well Jimmy looked!

I don't have a problem with this one, depending on how it was said.

Heck, at my mother's wake several of us (myself included) made the same comment. She was a frail and gaunt woman her last few years and the mortician made her not look that way and took about ten years off of her. It was nice to remember her that way, with a slight smile on her face, rather than sickly looking.

Everyone reacts to death in a different way. Most have no experience with it and don't really know what to say, thus, usually saying something inappropriate for the need to say something. It's not intentional.

Just remember.....you can choose your friends but not you relatives.

Mike

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
. . .As I get older, I am finding myself less tolerant of these attention seekers. I am happy that you do not have folks like this in your life.

And I am sorry that you do (have passive-aggressive dickheads in your life, I mean).

Once again, condolences on the loss of your dad and FIL. Having lost all the fathers in my life, too (dad in 1993, FIL in 2001), I know how that feels.

Wishing the best for you,