… they deny my very existence until they need something.

Family member called. I hadn’t heard from her in 9 years. Needed some landscaping done, I no longer do that. I refused. I will never hear from her again.

A guy I used to be friends with called. Haven’t heard from him in about 9 years as well. Wanted to be added to my mowing schedule. Sorry, schedules packed I’ll check to see if there’s an opening but I actually no longer offer mowing services. “You sound busy, I’ll call someone else.” I’ll never hear from him again.

How about trying to be a good family member or decent friend before asking for favors? What a novel idea.

Yes I still own a pickup truck and trailer but I am not going to help you move!!!! .................. drill sgt

Yep you nailed it. The only time I’ll ever hear from some people are when they have a computer problem or a cooking question and then suddenly I’m their best long-lost friend.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
I will never hear from her again.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
I’ll never hear from him again.

IMHO...Count your blessings!!!

Kinda the same story, except this was a best friend (had been through thick and thin together while he was in Houston) that moved up to Detroit in 1998 for a promotion where we worked. After he moved, we stayed in touch talking or emailing almost every day; even went to see him a couple of times and was best man at his wedding. So it's not like we drifted apart.

One day, he sends me an e-mail to ask if I could loan him some money to pay off debt...to the tune of $10,000. I personally think he got himself in trouble at the Casino poker tables, as he always DREAMED of going to the WSOP in Vegas thinking he could win it all. **Pssst...it's called "gambling" for a reason...

I wrote him a letter stating that amount would wipe out my ENTIRE savings, but included in that letter, I wrote him a "no strings attached" gift of $1,000 and emphasized that it was a PURE gift...I did not expect repayment. To my recollection, he cashed the check and I never heard from him again. I'm not even sure if he even thanked me. That was some 15+ years ago.

Yup, Jerry...they're the WORST!

So in similar conclusion as mark123, I'll never hear from him again.

Three of my tiny town neighbors have three different perspectives.

Jim will offer his help and most often will help you ,when he can.but he keeps a very accurate tally because he will most definitely want something in return at some point.

Jeff does everything for every one that he knows personally, because
A. He knows that they will help others in the future
B. The people he helps will not take advantage of his generosity.

Jerry
Never had time to help anyone unless there is something in it for him.weather it's a lunch or supper or tickets to a ball game.

I have a friend I've known since the fourth grade. I was always doing things for him, helping him out with various things, big and small. Somewhere in the early to mid 90's he got to where he ONLY knew me when he needed something. A car or truck worked on, or what have you. After it being that way a while I parted ways. Tired of being used, I ignored his calls.

I saw him once since then, ten years ago for about 20 seconds in the post office. I was short, said I had to go and left quickly.

Over a year ago he started trying to get in touch with me. Coming by the house, calling, emailing. even tracking down and calling family members of mine. He told my father he was moving and 'had some things I might want." (for over a year?)

Nope, no thanks.

I could be wrong, but, are they just trying to give you business?
I wasn't there for the call but if I "know a guy" when the time comes, I'll choose them first no matter if years have passed before I needed the service.
This is under the assumption that they were going to pay you for your services.

Otherwise it falls in line w/ a sister of mine who expects it done for free. I can't count the times I've cut their lawn and plowed their driveway when they lived two houses down. I've gotten nothing but hell in return.

Recently, A female acquaintance (friend?) called me and asked me if I would serve a child visitation related court order on the psycho ex husband of her daughter. I have met the daughter briefly exactly twice. And she offered to pay me $25 for the adventure.
Hard pass!

In a similar situation, a person I haven't spoken to or seen in about eight years texted me to ask "what engine oil should I buy, brand X synthetic or brand X super deluxe synthetic?"

I gave a suitable answer, stating that all engine oils meet minimum standards, yet the super deluxe exceeds those standards. His choice would best be made based on cost and preference.

He replied that I was becoming vague in my old age. He repeated the question as if I was infirm and in an old folks home, confirming it with another insulting reply.

Needless to say I haven't answered his question.

Back in 1999 a relative I had not heard from in years called my mother. They had somehow found out my wife and I sold our house,moved to Florida and at that time I was working at Walt Disney World.
They told my mother they were going to go to Florida on vacation to Disney and wanted to know how I could get them in the park for free.
When my mother called to ask I told her to tell them, I only had a limited number of yearly free passes and they could buy all the tickets the needed at the entrance to each park.

At the time I could get 3 people into the parks and I think it was 12 times a year, plus they gave us extra tickets around Christmas. I was not going to give this to someone I had not heard from in years and have never heard from since.

A couple years ago my best Bud for over 40yrs was going through tough times. He's the kinda guy that has a great heart but is an idiot with money. He's made between $130-$150k for over 25yrs, has a wife that puts another $40k in the pot and they still don't have enough cash to put tires on their car when needed. THEY BLOW EVERY DIME THEY GET!

He called me and asked for $10k. I said Chuck I can't just give you $10k. It took alot of sacrifice to save the money I have. What are you gonna do with it? He said pay for his Mercedes and some past due credit card and rent. I said sorry, absolutely not. You should have made the car the 1st thing that went away when shit hit the fan. If you want a loan I will send you $10k you send me the Rolex you should have pawned long ago when you got in trouble last time and our other buddy bailed you out. He refused to send the watch as collateral saying it was stolen.

I sent a few hundred $$$ for food and left it at that. I saw him about a month later wearing the Rolex and just smiled thinking to myself how glad I was that I didn't fall for the bullsit. This guy is 52yrs old and his elderly parents had to sell their land and cash in their stocks to bail his ass out. He lived off them while not working for 3yrs because he refused to take a lesser paying job or downsize his home and vehicles. He was too good for that but not too good to take my hardearned money or every family members $$$. I have learned to listen to the sob story and stay stron over the years.

Why do people, especially family, think if you are doing good that you owe them? If you go out to eat they think you should pay. IF their shit hits the fan, you should send them $$$ and if you don't you're an ass. My skin has gotten thicker over the years and thankfully my wife has finally gotten fed up with it too. We are far from rich, we're just folks that don't overspend and don't take loan and charge stuff. They could do this too instead of trying to "look" so successful.

---

FLKev, I had an experience very similar to yours.

I have a family member who had his own business. It did quite well for a while, but he was a terrible manager and when the economy went south, his business quickly went under.

While the business was doing well, he developed quite a luxurious lifestyle: lots of travel, expensive vehicles, fine dining, etc. When the business went under, instead of cutting back he continued living the high life using credit cards and borrowing from family and friends.

One day, I get asked if I could loan him $10,000. There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but I just kept my thoughts to myself and said "Sorry, I can't help".

The difference between a family member and an ATM is that you sometimes contact a family member when you don't need cash.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
FLKev, I had an experience very similar to yours.

I have a family member who had his own business. It did quite well for a while, but he was a terrible manager and when the economy went south, his business quickly went under.

While the business was doing well, he developed quite a luxurious lifestyle: lots of travel, expensive vehicles, fine dining, etc. When the business went under, instead of cutting back he continued living the high life using credit cards and borrowing from family and friends.

One day, I get asked if I could loan him $10,000. There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but I just kept my thoughts to myself and said "Sorry, I can't help".

Isn't it amazing how a man can just ask for $10k like it's $10? I can hear him in my mind now saying "it's nothing to you man"

Life is about consistency...the slow n' steady approach to most things. At 50 anything years old we're supposed to know this.

Reminds me of a story my Grandpa used to tell me of when he was growing up. He said his Dad took him fishing when he was a boy and he tried to get him to move their spot to get a fish he saw jump or swim by a little further away by saying let's go over there and get one of those big fish I just saw Dad. He said his Dad would always say... No son, let's stay here and let them swim to us and get ALL OF THEM. --------PATIENCE AND PLANNING was the moral of the story--------

Everyone wants instant gratification these days and everyone thinks they deserve to be well off but FEW plan and are patience enough to let the plan go into effect.

[quote]Why do people, especially family, think if you are doing good that you owe them? If you go out to eat they think you should pay. IF their shit hits the fan, you should send them $$$ and if you don't you're an ass.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Our economy encourages this behavior. Our tax structure, means testing with Medicare etc. It is socialism pure and simple.

I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, but I have never once asked anyone for money. I even went through a period of time where I was unemployed, had no money for several months, and the cat and I survived off of tins of smoked oysters I bought at the Dollar Tree with money I got from picking up cans and bottles because that was the cheapest protein I could find. My parents offered me some money and I wouldn't take it. I would've sooner given the cat away and starved than go around looking for a handout.

I'm racking my brain and I can't think of a time I've asked for a favor, either. I hate asking people for anything, even help when I need it. I can't understand folks who will outright ask people for money. It's why I love throwing Costco protein bars at street corner hobos.

You should buy a boat if you want a lot of friends.

Are you going to the lake this weekend? There they are waiting for a ride. You can't take that boat from VA to CA....sell it to us.

We will pay for the gas....never do.

We can try the Santa Barbara channel.....Silver Salmon are running. What the hell....fog, wind, 12 foot swells, I thought you knew something about boating.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 41,

See you just got a pickup, can you help me help my brothers cousins GF move out of her apartment this weekend.......