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"Mexican" Chain Burritos: I Just Don't Get It Login/Join 
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
Picture of egregore
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by smschulz:
LOL what does Kommiefornia know about good Mesican Food anyway?
Are you kidding? You can't throw a rock in any direction from a given spot without hitting a Mexican restaurant. Mexicans were there long before Anglos.
 
Posts: 25802 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Get my pies
outta the oven!

Picture of PASig
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by WaterburyBob:
Chipotle?
You left E. Coli off the ingredient list.
Cool



...which is why they will forever be Shitpotle to me Big Grin


 
Posts: 30446 | Location: Pennsylvania | Registered: November 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
of sunshine
Picture of jhe888
posted Hide Post
I don't dislike those burritos, but don't fool myself into thinking they are actually Mexican. They are their own thing.

I do get them to give me a reasonable amount of rice, not the giant scoop of rice they want to put in them. Then they are less like a rice and bean wrap.




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 51596 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of erj_pilot
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by PASig:
Had a burrito last night from this chain called California Tortilla and it's like all the others I've tried from Moe's, Shitpotle, etc: it's this huge fat thing with about a pound of friggen' rice, an ounce of veggies and MAYBE a half ounce of meat. Oh and the "generous " tablespoon of sour cream is all the way at one end.

I don't get this at all, what is the draw of this crap? It's all garbage, pretending to be "Mexican" or "Tex-Mex" food. And it's not even that cheap anymore so you're paying a lot of $ for rice rolled up in a gummy wrap.

UGH
Probably better to forego the tortilla, aka fat disc, and just do a bowl. That way you can stir the ingredients for a more consistent distribution with every bite.

In lieu of the burrito place, see if you can find a local hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint that makes Al Pastor. That is some good eating there...

Good luck!!



"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne

"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24
 
Posts: 9067 | Location: NW Houston | Registered: April 04, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Alea iacta est
Picture of Beancooker
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The best burrito rant on the internet. It always makes me smile when I read this, because in many cases, it’s absolutely true. Link to original burrito rant



quote:
Originally posted by Jack Dire:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to Earth?
On Earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.



quote:
Originally posted by parabellum: You must have your pants custom tailored to fit your massive balls.
The “lol” thread
 
Posts: 3394 | Location: Staring down at you with disdain, from the spooky mountaintop castle.  | Registered: November 20, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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We tried a place here called Panchero's

Three times we tried it three times they failed miserably .

They give you a fresh hot tortilla and three Luke warm ingredients and four ice cold ingredients choices.
So getting a piping hot nurreto is impossible.

I asked them to put it in the microwave for 2 minutes ,
They don't have a micro wave

Mad

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,





Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency.



Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first
 
Posts: 52100 | Location: Henry County , Il | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fire begets Fire
Picture of SIGnified
posted Hide Post
That’s an epic rant!





"Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty."
~Robert A. Heinlein
 
Posts: 25492 | Location: dughouse | Registered: February 04, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Leatherneck
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I’m not a huge fan of those places but I do like that I get to watch them build it to my specifications so I can control what, and how much they put in my meal. I did eat at a similar place in Henderson NV a few weeks back called Cafe Rio that I enjoyed more than any other one I’ve tried. Maybe I got them on a good day or maybe I was just really hungry but I’m definitely going to give them a second visit next time I’m around one.

I’ll second (or third) the comments about some of the best Mexican restaurants being the shit looking little holes in the wall. They can be like BBQ joints in that regard. Same goes for taco trucks. I want the old beat up truck with the dude that barely speaks English and only takes cash. Those fancy food trucks that are popular now tend to try too hard for my liking. Unfortunately those aren’t easy to find everywhere.




“Everybody wants a Sig in the sheets but a Glock on the streets.” -bionic218 04-02-2014
 
Posts: 14637 | Location: Florida | Registered: May 07, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Deal In Lead
Picture of Flash-LB
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Pale Horse:

I’ll second (or third) the comments about some of the best Mexican restaurants being the shit looking little holes in the wall. They can be like BBQ joints in that regard. Same goes for taco trucks. I want the old beat up truck with the dude that barely speaks English and only takes cash. Those fancy food trucks that are popular now tend to try too hard for my liking. Unfortunately those aren’t easy to find everywhere.


I found out about that one a long, long time ago when I was a Junior Engineer in my first Electronic job.

People raved about a place called La Imperial so I went. It was a hole in the wall and they advertised a super burrito for $1.50. I figured it would be tiny, so I ordered 2. The waiter looked at me kind of funny, which should have been a tip off.

I ate half of one and took the rest home. They were great and HUGE.
 
Posts: 9325 | Location: Gilbert Arizona | Registered: March 21, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of SevenPlusOne
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Flash-LB:
quote:
Originally posted by Pale Horse:

I’ll second (or third) the comments about some of the best Mexican restaurants being the shit looking little holes in the wall. They can be like BBQ joints in that regard. Same goes for taco trucks. I want the old beat up truck with the dude that barely speaks English and only takes cash. Those fancy food trucks that are popular now tend to try too hard for my liking. Unfortunately those aren’t easy to find everywhere.


I found out about that one a long, long time ago when I was a Junior Engineer in my first Electronic job.

People raved about a place called La Imperial so I went. It was a hole in the wall and they advertised a super burrito for $1.50. I figured it would be tiny, so I ordered 2. The waiter looked at me kind of funny, which should have been a tip off.

I ate half of one and took the rest home. They were great and HUGE.

Utah get me two.



"Ninja kick the damn rabbit"
 
Posts: 4493 | Location: Oklahoma | Registered: October 11, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Get my pies
outta the oven!

Picture of PASig
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by erj_pilot:


In lieu of the burrito place, see if you can find a local hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint that makes Al Pastor. That is some good eating there...

Good luck!!


Oh we have them here too. In a town nearby called Norristown, PA there is a large and growing Hispanic community over the past 20-25 years and it's actually been a good thing. They take the burned out, crumbling ghettos and revitalize them and where there had been boarded up falling down buildings and homes, there are now shops and restaurants and fixed up houses. We found out about a taco place there and went to find it:

1. Was INSIDE a Mexican grocery store
2. You had to go all the way to the REAR of the store and look for a small doorway
3. Once you went through the small doorway, it suddenly opened up into this large, busy Mexican restaurant
4. I joked to my wife "wow, we are the only two white people in this whole place!" and sure enough we were
5. Got stared down for a few seconds then everyone went back to eating and it was fine after that
6. The food was AMAZING, stuff I had never even heard of or seen before
7. They had big containers of various fruit agua frescas and two coolers full of sodas from all over Latin America that I had never even seen half of in my life

We now call it "that Speakeasy Mexican restaurant"


 
Posts: 30446 | Location: Pennsylvania | Registered: November 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Caribou gorn
Picture of YellowJacket
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next you're gonna tell me that Subway isn't an authentic delicatessen!

for real, though, I long ago started ordering 2 tacos instead of one burrito. This meant smaller and easier to eat and I don't want the rice and it typically doesn't come on the tacos.



I'm gonna vote for the funniest frog with the loudest croak on the highest log.
 
Posts: 10006 | Location: Marietta, GA | Registered: February 10, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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