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Mom diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Login/Join 
Stupid
Allergy
Picture of dry-fly
posted
Forewarning… I’m probably mostly venting but I know lots of you have had to deal with this, *ANY* advice is appreciated.

Mom fell last May, broke her humerus and femur. She had shown signs of occasional confusion for several months prior to that, but she lived on her own and still drove. After the fall dementia came on like a freight train and was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s around September. She’s been back at home since last summer with a live in home health aid. My sister (an RN) lives next door…they both have houses out in the country about 45 min from us.

The Alzheimer’s is just getting worse, as to be expected…but it’s still a shock to me. My wife, daughter and I are going to Broken Bow, OK for New Years with some family friends. She’s convinced we are taking various family members and leaving her. She texted me at midnight last night…couldn’t understand why we would leave her and take others. I kindly responded telling her it was just a few friends, no family. She started texting again at 5:30am begging me to please let her come. Confused

This is just the latest in a long list of incidents. I don’t know how to deal with the eventuality of this getting worse, much worse. She’s 84yo…this sounds horrible but I almost wish the good Lord would take her when the point comes that she’s got to be placed in a facility of some type.

Dementia and cancer have got to be two of the cruelest diseases around. Any pointers? Much appreciated guys


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fighting the good fight
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No pointers, but you have my sympathy and understanding.

My mother's mental and physical condition deteriorated rapidly as she was approaching the end of her life, before finally passing last month. It's cruel and difficult to watch. I agree that a peaceful death can be a welcome release when things get to that point. No more suffering or confusion/delusions. There's no shame in admitting that.
 
Posts: 33586 | Location: Northwest Arkansas | Registered: January 06, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Thanks man, I appreciate it.


quote:
Originally posted by RogueJSK:
No pointers, but you have my sympathy and understanding.

My mother's mental and physical condition deteriorated rapidly as she was approaching the end of her life, before finally passing last month. It's cruel and difficult to watch. I agree that death can be a welcome release when things get to that point. No more suffering or confusion/delusions. There's no shame in admitting that.


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Eye on the
Silver Lining
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I’ve been told there’s a medication that can help slow the onset. My uncles were both diagnosed with dementia, and one was doing quite well with these meds. These are my mothers brothers, so I asked her if she couldn’t prophylactically take that since she’s extremely concerned that she is going to develop dementia, however she refuses. If you don’t know the med I’m talking about. I can certainly ask her.
These days are coming quickly for me with my folks, and I am so sorry for your situation. As one member here once said, meet them where they are that day.


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Posts: 5597 | Registered: October 24, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Political Cynic
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Sorry to hear that.
 
Posts: 54118 | Location: Tucson Arizona | Registered: January 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Stupid
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Thank you for that. She’s actually on a prescription that’s supposed to help slow down the onset, but nothing will reverse it as I’m sure you know. Today is just the worst I’ve seen/experienced since her diagnosis.


quote:
Originally posted by irreverent:
I’ve been told there’s a medication that can help slow the onset. My uncles were both diagnosed with dementia, and one was doing quite well with these meds. These are my mothers brothers, so I asked her if she couldn’t prophylactically take that since she’s extremely concerned that she is going to develop dementia, however she refuses. If you don’t know the med I’m talking about. I can certainly ask her.
These days are coming quickly for me with my folks, and I am so sorry for your situation. As one member here once said, meet them where they are that day.


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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It was not unusual for me to find an Alzheimer's patient standing out in the middle of the street dressed in nightgown or pajamas. They of course had no ID and could not tell me where they lived. One was often found in the middle of a very busy intersection. Only option was to start banging on doors. My department tried to start a database to help us return them home safely but it was only so-so in effectiveness.
My best wishes for you. Its very difficult to go through.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 16635 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
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I've been through it.

Eventually, sooner or later, better sooner, you'll need to get her into an Alzheimer's unit to keep her safe. Sooner is better while she's still ambulatory. When she's not ambulatory, the options become fewer and more expensive.

We went through my dad missing several times (partly because of my mom's stubbornness also). I gave her a remote alarm that went off when he wandered far away from her at a certain distance. She stopped using it because it "embarrassed" her when it did go off. I put an alarm on the front door to alert her when he opens the door on his own. He went out the fire escape.

I was able to put him in an Alzheimer's unit after she became sick and asked him to go get the phone in the living room. It was a portable phone that they could take to the bedroom but didn't. He went to the living room and proceeded to watch tv. She was only found when a friend of theirs came to pick them up for a bingo session.

My sister is going through it now. Her son took away the gas burners and told her the stove isn't working. Leaving the oven on is a distinct possibility.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 20323 | Location: The Free State of Arizona - Ditat Deus | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Wow..not good stories to hear, but I didn’t expect that. I was a paramedic for the better part of a decade but my exposure to this was brief. I’ve spoken to hear three times this morning explaining the same thing over and over, she’s forgetting before we hang up.


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Well...Here is a somewhat better story:
The father of one of our impound tow drivers was in his 80s and had Alzheimer's. He was expert at slipping out of the house late at night, in his PJs. He would the walk down a busy main road toward his favorite restaurant. Which did not open for several hours. If we found him or got a call on him, when you walked up to him, he would throw his arms around you and hug you. Passing traffic would then see an elderly man in his PJs hugging me. Our tow driver was often out to all hours and we felt bad for waking him to take charge of his dad. So we just brought him to the station and put him in dispatch, where he entertained the girls with stories of his adventures during WWII. When the restaurant opened, we drove him up there and they fixed him breakfast and let him hang out. His son ate breakfast there too so they were re-united after the dads trip out. This worked for a while but eventually he fell and was hospitalized and was placed in a secure care facility. The only way we could do this was because he was well known to everyone in the area and everybody watched out for him. This does not happen all that often.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 16635 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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You’re right, that’s a better experience, thanks to y’all.



quote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Well...Here is a somewhat better story:
The father of one of our impound tow drivers was in his 80s and had Alzheimer's. He was expert at slipping out of the house late at night, in his PJs. He would the walk down a busy main road toward his favorite restaurant. Which did not open for several hours. If we found him or got a call on him, when you walked up to him, he would throw his arms around you and hug you. Passing traffic would then see an elderly man in his PJs hugging me. Our tow driver was often out to all hours and we felt bad for waking him to take charge of his dad. So we just brought him to the station and put him in dispatch, where he entertained the girls with stories of his adventures during WWII. When the restaurant opened, we drove him up there and they fixed him breakfast and let him hang out. His son ate breakfast there too so they were re-united after the dads trip out. This worked for a while but eventually he fell and was hospitalized and was placed in a secure care facility. The only way we could do this was because he was well known to everyone in the area and everybody watched out for him. This does not happen all that often.


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Semper Fi - 1775
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Went through this with my own mother. The only advice I will offer is this:

Accept that the woman you knew as your mother has already left you. The person remaining can and will be unintentionally cruel and frustrating. Always remember that that is NOT your mom saying those terrible things.


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Posts: 12461 | Location: Belly of the Beast | Registered: January 02, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My father died of it at 80 years of age. I lived 1,000 miles away and didn’t see him until he was declining. He didn’t know me, my brother or much of anything. He could, however, lay in his bed and sing the songs he loved - perfectly. He had a wonderful tenor voice that didn’t fail him as everything else did. Terrible way to die - or run a country.



I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings when I called you stupid - I thought you already knew - Unknown
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When you have no future, you live in the past. " Sycamore Row" by John Grisham
 
Posts: 4299 | Location: Saddlebrooke, Arizona | Registered: December 24, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I've been dealing w/ this for the last year and a half.
Mom was diagnosed w/ vascular dementia years ago but it was always what you might think of as normal forgetfulness.
She's 89 and I live w/ her since dad passed and we started using a wireless doorbell on her walker where she could "call button" me when she needed help to the bathroom, night or day.

At some point I had to start keeping her calendar away from her so she wouldn't see the coming days schedule as she would have bad anxiety over night and not sleep.
Now she might ask me where Dad is and I might lie and tell her he's out of town and very busy.
If I tell her the truth, she'll tell me she knows he passed away but talks as if there are two of him.
(No, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Big Grin )

After two recent stroke she's under my 24/7 care and we got her a hospital bed but she doesn't like it and sleeps on her favorite couch at night.
Well, last month one night she didn't use the call button to get my help and went to the guest bathroom down a couple steps, leaving her walker(w/ call button) behind. I woke up at 2am and immediately realized she had not called me for over 4 hrs (she has a bit of incontinence and forgetting she went 30 min ago is not uncommon). I hurried downstairs and found her unable to get up of the toilet, feet on cold tile and in just her nighty. That bathroom isn't heated. I'm not sure how long she was there but after getting her housecoat and some socks and getting her back under the covers, she was ok.

So now I've been sleeping on an air-mattress at the end of the couch because even though she was trained to use the call button for over a year, she now sometimes has trouble grasping how to contact me.

Just as you're settling in to a new challenge, things can change quickly. Add an oxygen line trip hazard. A sore on the back of the leg that won't heal. Strokes. Falls. Pneumonia.
Good times w/ some bad thrown in the mix.

So, you may want to just keep your mom in the dark about what's going on to keep her mind at ease, if that's possible.
 
Posts: 7560 | Location: MI | Registered: May 22, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
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quote:
Originally posted by Ronin1069:
Accept that the woman you knew as your mother has already left you. The person remaining can and will be unintentionally cruel and frustrating. Always remember that that is NOT your mom saying those terrible things.

This bears repeating and should be tattooed on everyone's brain who takes care of a loved one with dementia. If/when your frustration is about to rear its ugly head, back off, take a deep breath and remember this point.


Q






 
Posts: 28389 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Thank you guys for the advice and experiences. I really appreciate it. I think I may need to find some type of Alzheimer’s support group for myself.


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'll add, that her wanting to go w/ you is maybe a good thing in the sense that she maybe seeks socialization. If you can find that for her, that may be good.

My mother is getting to the point where she is almost home bound. But prior to this I would take her where she could socialize. Church, church senior event once a month. Weekly knitting class. Hair salon once a week.

An aid in her house can only provide so much social activity, anymore than you or your siblings.
In a social environment, my mom would perk up a bit and be more like her old self. More involved. And good for me as she could tire out like a toddler and sleep better later, as that is kinda how our lives work.
Just thought I would add that.
 
Posts: 7560 | Location: MI | Registered: May 22, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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^^ Thank you


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Bone 4 Tuna
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Recommend ordering or finding this at a local library.

The 36 Hour Day


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Posts: 11163 | Location: Mid-Michigan | Registered: October 02, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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^^ appreciate it


"Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway." Steve McQueen...
 
Posts: 7142 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: July 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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