…just go ahead and start the call with what you want me to say.

F a Duck I don’t know what it is with some people and their need to hear only what they want to hear. Between my sister and my now ex-wife, they drive me out of my mind.

Them: Here’s what I did/said.

Me: Okay, thanks for letting me know.

Them: You are so difficult to talk to!

Me: You’ve already said/done it, so what is there for me to say about it?

Them: Tell me what you think!

Me: <Heavy sign because I know what is coming>
Since you are asking, if you would have called me before you said/did that, I might have recommended you consider this perspective first.

Them: You are an asshole and never support me.

The good news is, you're not alone, and - I dare say - you're a normal guy. This is a common scene between women and men. It comes down to this:

When a woman is talking about a problem, they generally approach it from an emotional standpoint. They want to vent. They want to be heard. They want to wallow in the problem. They don't necessarily want a solution, they just want pity/empathy.

But when a guy hears someone talking about a problem, they generally approach it from a logical standpoint. They want to identify the issue, come up with a solution to fix it, and then move on. Or, like you, just say "Ok" and move on.

However, meeting in the middle is a key part of having a relationship with a woman. You have to be willing to empathize with them, and humor their emotional wallowing (a bit), rather than just brushing it off or trying to fix it. Yes, it takes effort for most guys, but it's important to the women in your life.

It sounds dumb and cliche, but a good phrase to use when a woman that's you're close with wants to talk to you about a problem is something like: "Do you want me to offer solutions, or do you just want me to listen?"

(And yes, these are broad strokes, but it's true for most women, and most men.)


Also relevant:

^^^^^^^
EXACTLY right!!!!

Though there are times I wish I had the companionship of a good woman, I believe that the older I get, the more I THANK GOD I'm single. Some of the pure-dee bullcrap I hear other guys going through is enough to kink my own colon. I don't have the time or the patience anymore.

It hurt at the time, but I am sooooooo thankful my fiance broke it off a couple of months after we were engaged; had dated for about 2 years and then popped the question (circa mid-90's). I wouldn't be where I am today, both professionally and mentally. Oh...and spiritually and financially!!!!

Rogue you posted this video before but i forgot about it. It still made me laugh out loud! Again!

quote:

Originally posted by kho:
Rogue you posted this video before but i forgot about it. It still made me laugh out loud! Again!

Yeah, me too. I crack up every time I see it.

Jim

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
Though there are times I wish I had the companionship of a good woman, I believe that the older I get, the more I THANK GOD I'm single. Some of the pure-dee bullcrap I hear other guys going through is enough to kink my own colon. I don't have the time or the patience anymore.

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
^^^^^^^
EXACTLY right!!!!

Though there are times I wish I had the companionship of a good woman, I believe that the older I get, the more I THANK GOD I'm single. Some of the pure-dee bullcrap I hear other guys going through is enough to kink my own colon. I don't have the time or the patience anymore.

It hurt at the time, but I am sooooooo thankful my fiance broke it off a couple of months after we were engaged; had dated for about 2 years and then popped the question (circa mid-90's). I wouldn't be where I am today, both professionally and mentally. Oh...and spiritually and financially!!!!

interesting, i re-acquainted with an old gf, (grade school + my senior prom) after 56 years.

i wasn't aware she wanted to be a stewardess, she not aware i wanted to be a pilot.
she was recruited by ual in '67, put in 30 years, i was an army helicopter pilot/rvn, 40+ years commercial avn all over the world.

we have no desire to travel, both did enough traveling/hotels. we share expenses + enjoy being with each other...both 77!!

she had 3 bad marriages, i'm separated myself.

fwiw: my 3 kids/wife know about the gf!

You're just their ESA. Don't talk back. Just shut up, agree and wag your tail.

Nomad explains:

Get a business card from a local therapist and hand it to them stating give this guy a call.

That’s how most guys see it Ronin. How come nobody ever gave me a playbook? Would have saved me a lot of stress.