I enjoy giving Christmas gifts. In many cases I give Christmas gifts to people who did not expect it and had zero intention of giving me some thing. I’m 100% OK with that!

In most cases it is something cigar or bourbon related and to someone who has shared something with me in the past.

But I am worn out and tired o the obligation of getting together for Christmas and doing some type of family gift exchange.

At the end of the day we are essentially exchanging $50 gift cards with each other, it’s such a waste of time and so impersonal.

Today I got a note from my mom wanting to know why I had not sent her my Christmas list yet, I’ve been telling her for years she does not have to get me anything. I’m 51 years old and if I want some thing, I will buy it. I’ve also told her if you see something that you think is really cool and I might like it, I’d love to have it!

Out of obligation, I send her flowers every year on Christmas.

In my fantasy world, we would simply get together around Christmas, enjoy a great meal share fun stories, and regarding any type of gifts… Spend the money you wanted to spend on me, on the kids.

Signed,

My girlfriend thinks I’m a Grinch

Sounds good to me.
Sent my wife a list as she's the type that enjoys giving gifts. Took me a while to compile a short list, as I'm not really in the need for anything.

Her words: I need a list, since I can't get you ammo.

Long ago I made a personal rule: no giving routine gifts, birthday, Christmas, or anything else to adults. I get some looks at times when I get (despite my clearly-stated wishes) and don’t give, but then people learn. That doesn’t mean I never give anything (e.g., the 1000 small pistol primers I passed on recently), but for so many people compulsory giving is nothing but a chore and source of stress: Why would we want to do that or expect others to endure it?

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
I enjoy giving Christmas gifts. In many cases I give Christmas gifts to people who did not expect it and had zero intention of giving me some thing. I’m 100% OK with that!

In most cases it is something cigar or bourbon related and to someone who has shared something with me in the past.

But I am worn out and tired o the obligation of getting together for Christmas and doing some type of family gift exchange.

At the end of the day we are essentially exchanging $50 gift cards with each other, it’s such a waste of time and so impersonal.

Today I got a note from my mom wanting to know why I had not sent her my Christmas list yet, I’ve been telling her for years she does not have to get me anything. I’m 51 years old and if I want some thing, I will buy it. I’ve also told her if you see something that you think is really cool and I might like it, I’d love to have it!

Out of obligation, I send her flowers every year on Christmas.

Out of obligation, you send your mother flowers?
I’d be heartbroken if I read that and I were your mom.

Maybe ask her if she has a charity she’d like to donate to in lieu of flowers- if that’s the part you don’t like. Or get her a promise card of “to dos” she might need help with over the year?

quote:

Out of obligation, you send your mother flowers?
I’d be heartbroken if I read that and I were your mom.

Everyone’s relationship with their mother is different, there is history and backstory I cannot even begin to get into in this thread.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
Everyone’s relationship with their mother is different ....

I had great love for my mother, and even greater respect for her, but the only thing surprising about the above statement is that so many people don’t realize that.

Of all the things in life we have no control over, who our mother is tops the list, and there is nothing about being a mother that makes anyone automatically worthy of love and/or respect.

At one point, I was just down to sending gift cards. Now, nothing. My kid and I made an agreement to stop giving gifts for any occasion. Its actually nice to be free of the whole ordeal and damn sure cheaper too.

Excellent point.
There is little point for grownups with salaries to exchange gifts by rote. If I happen to come across something I think x or y would like, I'll get it for them - but not specifically for Christmas.
The only reason we still go through this nonsense is because of my sis, whom I love dearly, but who is a bit of a twit
The missus and I are on the same page on this (but God forbid I forget to get her a card..lol)

Agree. At this stage in my life, I'm against compulsory gift giving (both as recipient and provider). Only contrary comment I would have is that I'm not sure I would re-allocate spends on me to the kids; give the kids what's appropriate, not extra.

Agree w/ cards too - I no longer send christmas cards.

Some exceptions include:
* gifts for children. I'm fine, like above, being compulsory here.
* gifts for something specifically celebratory (events that don't have an annual cadence). Again, compulsory here is okay (for example - 25th anniversary).
* gift cards okay when gift is appropriate but I'm not willing to spend the amount of the gift (ie - $200 gift and I'll give $25 gift card to help recipient purchase said gift).

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

quote:

Out of obligation, you send your mother flowers?
I’d be heartbroken if I read that and I were your mom.

Everyone’s relationship with their mother is different, there is history and backstory I cannot even begin to get into in this thread.

Understood. I’m sorry to hear that.

Add me to the list. I make good money, and when I want something, I buy it.

What's worse is getting shit I don't want or meed. I am usually pretty specific in the stuff I buy, and I don't expect anyone else to know my tastes. In other words, stop buying me shit I don't like.

This is my biggest gripe with Christmas. I like my M-I-L, but every year she buy me stuff that I throw away at some point later. I know it's the thought that counts, but she's on a fixed income, and I bet she could use the money more than me. She's bought me a cork board that was too big to put anywhere. I asked my wife about it, she said throw it out. Throwing out brand new, never used stuff irks me. It's such a waste of resources.

I am perfectly fine with a verbal, "Merry Christmas."

My wife and I do not exchange Christmas gifts any more . Grandkids only . Sons and daughters in law on birthdays only .

I'm at the stage where gifts to other adults is no longer compulsory. We just give gifts to each other's children.

We no longer do gifts in our family other than high school age on down. My kids are grown and successful. At one point we decided forget gifts, lets just get together for a meal and enjoy the day. My wife and I don't buy for each other anymore either for any occasion. We're in our 70's and have had a blessed life. I mean if we want a new whatever we buy it. Whats the point? We do now enjoy buying for our pastors or other special people we appreciate.

quote:

Originally posted by sigfreund:
Long ago I made a personal rule: no giving routine gifts, birthday, Christmas, or anything else to adults.

That's how my wife and I do it. We both feel that giving a gift when you want to, not because the calendar says to, means much more. Plus, she added, you don't get in trouble for forgetting a "special" day.

It took a long time mostly because of my step mom but the wife and I finally got everyone to agree that once you are 18 no more gifts and at Thanksgiving anyone who wants to be in the pool for gifts on Christmas puts their name in a hat and gets drawn before leaving Thanksgiving.

It was out of control having to buy so many present for everyone and my stepmom never worked so she had no problem spending all my dads money and not having any time constraints to do it.

My mom absolutely loathed these gift exchanges when we were kids. It was just 2 of us but it seemed like every family who wanted to do an exchange had 3-4 kids. Now I loathe it because we only have 1 child and my sister has 4...

There is NO obligation in my family. We have members from 88 yrs old to 15. My only obligation is to my wife. We are attuned year long to what grandkids want as well as their parents. We buy accordingly! my 88 yr. old FIL lives with us and we make sure he's well taken care of!! we don't expect anything so anything is a surprise!!!

The wife and I agreed no gifts other than token, traditional ones. I give her a fruitcake (expensive) and a Dilbert calendar. She gives me bourbon or good coffee. The adult kids get gift cards. The grandkids get good stuff. Oldest got a new, very cool bike, the 2 year old an OG trike (2 decks in the back) and the baby gets a cool doll (just like I gave her mother at that age.) They all get big 529 contributions which they may or may not appreciate later. As far as Christmas goes, sorry, it kinda sucks. Shortly, we're going to start spending the holidays in Hawaii or Bermuda or something. Just waiting on this last cat to go, which will kill me. The last one was devastating.

Cherish your family while you have them. There will be a time when they are all gone.