And yet here you are in a trauma bed.

So, what was I doing?

And "these two dudes jumped me!" was the usual next line.

A friend gave me this car.

What is your friends name?

I don't know.

"These aren't my pants"

or sorry,

"Dese ain't my pants man!"

What? You found my car? Where? Smashed into a Boulder? Oh, this cut on my head? I got jumped by a couple of guys when I left the bar. Oh,I wasn’t driving it, I left it there, don’t know how it got wrecked. I never drive when I’m drunk.

True excuses given at the scene of an ambulance run I worked one night to the responding officer, two miles or so from where his car was found.

I was walking down the street minding my own business and this guy came up and just shot me!

The gerbil did it by himself...

quote:

Originally posted by rsbolo:
"These aren't my pants"

or sorry,

"Dese ain't my pants man!"

Dey my Cousins pants!

Sounds just as good in Spanish.

“I don’t know” is the guy that shoots a lot of people.

quote:

Originally posted by .38supersig:
A friend gave me this car.

What is your friends name?

I don't know.

I had that happen, serious as hell. I used to Captain a few boats a year for this yacht shipping company. The owner had this young guy that worked for him and I only met him once.....only knew his first name, Winston.....so run the boat 50 miles North to Palm Beach, he meets me at a marina in a new Lexus GS-F, had like 505hp and was I think $105k and 5,000 miles.....he hands me the keys and says drive it back to fort lauderdale and leave it at the yard with the keys in it.......so well.....the mate and I get on the highway (I95), temptation was too much.....I get it up to 120 mph in short order and a Highway patrol was sitting there 1/2 a mile ahead of us, I slammed on the brakes, to about 5mph above the speed limit, there is no way he couldn't have radared us, but never pulled us over........the mate and I joked, cause if we did get pulled over, we didn't know where the registration was, or even the last name of the owner of the car.

"Didn't do it".

Name of a Bail Bonds firm in Tucson.

I was dealing with this drunk kid at a bar one night. He had a fake ID (the real kind, bought online with his name and photo as opposed to using somebody else's). He told me that he "found it."

"You found it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Somebody went out and got a fake ID with your name and photo, managed to lose it, and YOU found it? YOU found it?!?"

"Yes, sir."

Reminds me of the "fifth direction" we spoke about in traffic investigation. For those who don't know, the fifth direction is "from outta nowhere."

quote:

Originally posted by DaBigBR:
I was dealing with this drunk kid at a bar one night. He had a fake ID (the real kind, bought online with his name and photo as opposed to using somebody else's). He told me that he "found it."

"You found it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Somebody went out and got a fake ID with your name and photo, managed to lose it, and YOU found it? YOU found it?!?"

"Yes, sir."

That's funny as heck.

quote:

Originally posted by Fredward:
Reminds me of the "fifth direction" we spoke about in traffic investigation. For those who don't know, the fifth direction is "from outta nowhere."

Stolen.

quote:

Originally posted by GWbiker:
"Didn't do it".

Name of a Bail Bonds firm in Tucson.

I know that guy. Ahdindoo Nuffin.

Bought a little bowrider Crowline boat off a guy from middle TN once, he was a bail bondsman. The boat's name was "Get Busted."

SSI (not social security) is a public assistance program run by SSA. Unlike social security, if you have other income (such as casino winnings) it affects your eligibility. I never once saw a casino winner voluntarily report their winnings. Not even once. SSA always finds out. So here is how the conversation goes when we confront them.

SSA: Congratulations on your casino win. You failed to report your win. It affects your eligibility. You are overpaid.

Beneficiary: What are you talking about? I didn't win anything.

SSA: You did. Here's the proof.

Beneficiary: Oh yeah. What happened was I was at the casino and this guy sitting next to me won a jackpot. He didn't have any ID with him so he asked me to claim the money. I gave it all to him. Don't remember his name. (Incredibly, 80% of the beneficiaries came up with this story on the spot when notified.)

SSA: Under the law, once you accepted the money, it was legally yours. If you gave it to "some guy", that's your choice. You can file an appeal if you wish.

The appeal if filed is always denied. The over payment is collected. To be clear, not everybody on public assistance programs play the lottery and go to the casino. But many do.