I hate this, I fucking hate this.

Waking up with that nervous feeling in your gut, going to bed with that nervous feeling in your gut, rinse and repeat.

It affects my job; sometimes I sit for hours not knowing how to even begin the projects I need to complete.

It affects my relationships and partially contributed to my divorce some years ago.

It affects my health, I can see what it does to my blood pressure and heart rate.

I try to be healthy, but food is often my crutch…see also, “eat your feelings away.”

I’ve got an incredibly incredibly stressful job that I cannot quit because of the financials and that only makes things worse.

In the past I’ve tried meds, but they make me feel more unfeeling and dead inside than I do without them…

Fuck me I hate this.

Anxiety/depression is still among the ailments that you cannot talk about in regular company and have people understand. I’d be better off telling my boss I’m a raging alcoholic and need to go to treatment for a couple of months than … “sorry my work is failing, I’ve been in a depression spiral the past few months”.

Same with friends/family…they just kind of look at you.


I’m seen as the strong one in the family, the one who can be counted on…no one knows how to react if I show weakness.

I’m hitting the wall; it is all just becoming too much to handle…those people who deal with this by just staying in bed all day? I get them, and wish sometimes that I could do that. But the reality of my work responsibilities push me out of bed and into the routine of the day.

But every moment of every day I have that feeling in my gut like I had just received or am about to receive the most terrible of news.

I know there are no solutions, no easy fixes, but it is somewhat cathartic to write this out.

Some of you understand, and for those who don’t? I envy you.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Make an appointment with a clinical psychologist, get a proper diagnosis and some therapy. Cannot treat this yourself. There is nothing to be embarassed about. Health insurance should cover much of the cost.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Make an appointment with a clinical psychologist, get a proper diagnosis and some therapy. Cannot treat this yourself. There is nothing to be embarassed about. Health insurance should cover much of the cost.

Yep, do this. My wife finally convinced to to go, some depression but more anxiety that I wasn't aware I had really.


ETA We started out with a therapist then were referred to a Psychologist

The Black Dog is relentless. Add in PTSD and it will kill you without intervention. My wife and then my therapist saved my life. Get help. There is no disgrace in asking for it.

#itsokaytonotbeokay

I suffered from it for most of my life too my friend. You're not alone.
And yeah, no one gives a shit about men's mental health. We're supposed to suck everything up an "be a man" about it.
What helped me was finding a men's group to be around other guys like me and talk openly. I did this as a coping mechanism when I went through a divorce but it also gave me an outlet to relieve a lot of my anxiety. Being with a good group of guys that get it and support each other is a powerful thing.

BTDT, got the T-shirt. As said, clinical help is the route to take, you wouldn’t self treat a broken leg or heart attack. Make sure it’s a clinician you click with. And meds are a real option and can help tremendously

Sorry to hear what you are going thru. Along with above, see if you can add exercise to your routine to help redirect the negative energy.

Not just weights, but intense cardio, biking, etc. to help focus the mind on the task. Every little bit helps.

One thing that helped me was my wife. I can't hide anything from her.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. And it was the job that was killing me that I couldn't just up and quit. I couldn't find a job to replace it.

An outlet was playing golf as much as I can just to push out the thoughts while I focus on the ball. It didn't help my feelings but it helped. I played after work and used that visual of me going after my ball in the shadows as a way to sleep.

Keep at it. Like a bad breakfast burrito, this too shall pass.

Go see a professional who has solid frameworks for understanding what’s going on. I often prefer women because they seem way more intuitive, and I can bullshit almost any dude.

Self introspection is a super valuable gift to yourself. Lots a little things you can do to manage anxiety. Truly.

I live at full redline nearly all the time. I’ve also learned to put my feet on the ground and feel the earth.

Kratom is huge for me. Viable solutions is where I get it. I've had vets tell me it saved their life. Works on pain too in case you have that. But it shut off the physical part of depression for me, and wiped out anxiety.

I'd done the counseling thing and all that. Helpful, but I refuse to take SSRIs. Years later looking back I didn't need them. Kratom is more than enough. There are other roads but I can't overstate how helpful it is. If nothing else, it's worth a shot.

Another option that is HUGE if you need it is Test baby. TRT. If you're low and you go on, might be skipping down the hallway like a kid again.

Reach out to a psychiatrist - maybe there are some newer meds that will not have the side effects of the other med.

Hope it gets worked out for you soon.

Sorry friend. I've not experienced it so I won't attempt to offer solutions, but I want you to know that we're here to support you.

Finding someone you can sit and talk with about it, someone professional, who can be neutral and can look at it objectively is a great suggestion

quote:

Originally posted by Slippery Pete:
Kratom is huge for me.

There are other roads but I can't overstate how helpful it is. If nothing else, it's worth a shot.

Be sure to check your local laws first. It's illegal in a number of cities and states, and is not legal for interstate commerce.

I am sorry to hear you feel this way. My father was bi-polar. My sister inherited it also. I was lucky enough that it skipped me.

While I understood, in theory, that my father was bi-polar and that he self medicated as an alcoholic until I was in my early 20's when he got clean, it wasn't until my sister had a mental breakdown that I truly understand how narrow the ledge is upon which our psyche sits.

Someone I had known my whole life, in a manic state so great that we had to have her committed. And then with medication, that state dissipating to the point where she was herself again. I then realized just how much brain chemistry can be involved in mental states, and that sometimes it is not so easy to "just suck it up" or to "just stop feeling that way."

I will second what others have said. First, find an outlet, something physical. Whether it is exercise as simple as walking, or a sport, go out and physically exert yourself. I truly believe that exercise is the best antidepressant available, and it is free, and it benefits us in all kinds of other ways.

And second, go speak to someone. Whether it is a support group, or clinical psychiatrist, start down the path of getting support. You have already started with SigForum, now take the next step.

I am glad you vented with us. Good luck on the next steps.

Ronin, I’m sorry you feel this way. I do understand. My anxiety is pretty easy to not have though. If I drink, especially if I actually get drunk, the next day I have really bad anxiety. This makes it pretty easy to not drink as the side effects are ones I really prefer to avoid.

My wife has suffered with anxiety for many years. A little over a year ago, she started eating half a THC gummy (indica) before going to sleep. This lets her sleep quite peacefully all night long. The side effect of her eating a gummy every night, was that her anxiety went away. I’m not sure where you live or if it is legal, but many people other than my wife have benefitted from marijuana for anxiety.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Make an appointment with a clinical psychologist, get a proper diagnosis and some therapy. Cannot treat this yourself. There is nothing to be embarassed about. Health insurance should cover much of the cost.

Agreed. Please see a doctor. And a counselor/psychologist/therapist. You need help to deal with this and it is hard to impossible to do it without that help.

Peace to you.

That feeling like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop?
The living from crisis to crisis operating in survival mode?
I know there are people who don’t live like this, but I guess I’m in your boat.

Please share your struggles with your significant people, so, while they might not understand, at least they’ll be aware of it and try in whatever ways they can to help.

I’m already seeing a therapist, but I might give those gummies a try as well.
I know it’s awful and terrifying to try to bare your heart/soul and worries to someone, but you cannot always shoulder everything yourself. And those around you who love you may not be equipped to help. A professional may be able to help you strategize ways to help yourself.
We are right here. Please take a moment today to try and find someone. It may take a while for you to find the right professional to share with. It took me more than 6 months and a life changing event to take myself seriously instead of continuing to brush it under the rug, and then another few months to find someone I trusted enough to try and BUILD trust with in order to share the weight.

Btw, I don’t believe it makes you look weak. It makes you honest. To yourself and others.

^^^ well said.

I’ll be blunt… As I write this, we lose 50 veterans a day to self-harm. 50 a day!

Please find another human who can really help you. (Not a huge fan of psycho-cosmetic drugs … but at least go have a chat.)

Yes, talking with people about what you're feeling really helps.
My troubles, worries, anxieties, etc lived only in my head. Once I shared these with another person I found that by giving voice to them I began to understand better the causes and how they really were effecting me.
Tying to honestly put these feelings into words in the attempts to have another human being understand them helped me to also understand them and see them in another light.
I hope that makes sense.