My wife is good at this.

Hey do you know how use this software / hardware / instrument / whatever?

No I have never seen it

How do you make it do X?

I don't know, I have never used it or seen it

I'm trying to make it do X and it wont do it, what do you think? What if I want it do Y?

I DONT FUCKING KNOW

I'm just wondering if you can help

I CANT HELP I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE FUCKING THING BEFORE I HAVE ZERO IDEA HOW IT WORKS

you don't have to yell at me

Much like in all the “bad guy gets out & makes a new life for himself but other bad guys find him” movies....

Bad guys are headed to girlfriend’s house to flush out Now Good Guy.

NGG calls girlfriend. Usually takes three tries before she answers.
“Get the shotgun and get in the closet”

GF “why?”

NGG “no time to explain, get the shotgun, get in the closet”

GF “tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me”

NGG “GET THE SHOTGUN & GET IN THE CLOSET”

GF : “why are you yelling at me. I gotta go, someone is at the door....”

Is she HR at her job?

Jim

OMG, yes. "What's the capital of Bahrain?" I don't know. "Really, what's the capital." Really, I don't know. "What do you think it is?" WHAT THE FUCK IS BAHRAIN? "You don't have to yell. Just say you don't' know."

Do your own fucking crossword puzzle!

Yup, and I'm the asshole as I keep saying no, I don't know, I've already told you no...

quote:

Originally posted by hvyhawler:
Yup, and I'm the asshole as I keep saying no, I don't know, I've already told you no...

"I'll bet we can find something on YouTube to figure it out." I say to my DW of 34.5 years, "What do you think honey?

Don't be that guy . . . I'd be flattered that she thinks I know.

PSA off.

Try this next time.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
My wife is good at this.

Hey do you know how use this software / hardware / instrument / whatever?

No I have never seen it

How do you make it do X?

I don't know, I have never used it or seen it

I'm trying to make it do X and it wont do it, what do you think? What if I want it do Y?

I DONT FUCKING KNOW

I'm just wondering if you can help

I CANT HELP I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE FUCKING THING BEFORE I HAVE ZERO IDEA HOW IT WORKS
I have no clue honey, but if you want I'll mess with it and see if we can get lucky.
.....

She'll either says never mind I'll figure it out, or she'll have you try you put in five minutes messing with it and either figure it out or she takes back over. No yelling or cursing involved and you're the good guy in the story.

I'm very certain my wife knows my response:

Would you like me to Google that for you?

Dearly love my wife, but she does the same thing.

After a couple of asks, I usually say "This is the third time you've asked me the same question. Can you let me know now how many more times you need to ask so I'll know when you're done?"

I think it is the universal rule of 3's

my MIL will tell you something at least 3 times, sometimes in the same sentence,

my wife will do the same, but usually in 3 sentences

Whoever asks me a question a second time when I've already answered it will get a look like this:



I feel as if I'm getting too old to put up with stupid BS.

My wife knows better. Guess I'm lucky.

quote:

Originally posted by lyman:
I think it is the universal rule of 3's

my MIL will tell you something at least 3 times, sometimes in the same sentence,

my wife will do the same, but usually in 3 sentences

Ols sales ploy.
Tell them what you're going to tell them
Tell them
Tell them what you told them
Works every time unless the listener is dense..

I'm reading these responses, and beginning to think that there's something wrong with me. Maybe I just don't really care anymore.... Maybe I am swimming in the deep end.

I usually go for the
#1- "I don't know."
#2- "Sorry, I really don't know." / "I'm tellin ya, I - don't - know!"

Then off into the wilderness I go... (Hey, I gave them a chance. Two actually)

#3- "Purple kittens. PURPLE KIT-TENS, MAAAAAN!!!"
Or some other total Non sequitur comments:

The cow may swim in the sea, but fish don't eat grass.
38
Pythagorean Theorem
Ill take 16th Century Lit for $1000, Alex
Ooohhhh, dinner's ready! [then run off like Steven Segal]
[Slingblade accent] Sometimes the crunchy boogers tickle!

Just spurt out some random, crazy shit...
Music lyrics work great on my wife. Drives her bat-shit crazy!
Just start belting out "Jane" from Jefferson Starship, pretty much anything from Jimi Hendrix...

Crazy looks / twitches while you're doing it increase point value. Hugging/holding hands and whispering in their ear doubles point value.
Speaking in a different language only gives you a few extra points, however, you gain points the more obscure the language. Like Sandskrit / Klinong / That "click-click-pop-bop" shit from Africa

Flipping it around and putting them on the spot words great too! Ask them a super personal question.
"Hey, have you ever had this blistering kind of rash?"


You're going to get the [odd look] "wait... What?...." about 96% of the time. Get used to it.
Repeat the question quickly or ask something totally different (Think "Bendable"!). Get inside their OODA Loop, break up their OODA Loop, then take them off into left field. It's not that hard, you just got to be moving and thinking > < that much quicker.

I’ve got the same problem with the wife’s cooking...

would you like some (quinoa, or some other disinteresting healthy food du jour); no thank you. Here, you should try this... no thanks. Come on, I’ll put a little in a bowl for you....No, I’m not going to eat it. Why....***sigh***, being polite just doesn’t work.

That is my mom to a tee. Just drives me up the friggin' wall and makes me want to do this:

Unfortunately, I always seem to have at least one coworker like that. Here is an example from my last assignment (oil & gas megaproject):

Her: Do you remember such & such document?

Me: Yes

Her: What was the duration for installing such & such piece of equipment?

Me: I don't know. It was a 140 page schedule that I reviewed 6 months ago and it wasn't my scope.

Her: Explains why she needs to know the duration in the most circular, illogical way possible and then repeats the same question (What was the duration for installing such & such piece of equipment?).

Me: My memory hasn't improved in the last 3 minutes.

Her: But, I need to know what was the duration for installing such & such piece of equipment?

Me: Sounds like you need to stop asking me, download the document, and look it up

Her: [slack jawed]

My wife is bad about repeatedly trying to get me to remember something that I have repeatedly said I don't remember!

She gets angry, but when my wife asks me twice, or says "Really?" when I've already answered, I tell that my answer hasn't changed in the last fifteen seconds.

Or, if I am feeling especially uncooperative, I tell her, "Okay you got me. I really did know the answer, and because you asked me twice, I'll now tell it to you."