Highly pretentious and absolutely meaningless horse shit



Truly, absolutely meaningless. Just pure nonsense. Intelligence-insulting blather.

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Originally posted by SIG 229R:

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Originally posted by Graniteguy:
If I am at a bar, and see a new whiskey I have never tried, I pay the $6-$7 for a shot. Eliminates the guesswork and need to decipher absurd descriptions when its time to buy a nice bottle.

Pretty much sums it up for me too. Never tried Tullimore but have been thinking about it, my standard is Bushmills. Also been thinking of trying some Black Bush.

Not sure if serious. Especially if only paying $6-$7.

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Originally posted by PHPaul:

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Originally posted by Leemur:
Tasting notes for all alcohol are ridiculous.

And pretentious.

And bullshit.

All very very true.

Blanton's is supposed to have a "Vanilla Nose" yada yada yada per the local Wine and Whisky shop that manages to keep some on hand. What I get is a hint of Rye whisky, the Oak of the barrels it's aged in and how very smooth it is as a sipping Whisky. BTW, Buffalo Trace from the same brewery costs 1/2 as much, has a very similar flavor profile and is only a slight bit harsher going down.

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Originally posted by SIG 229R:

Pretty much sums it up for me too. Never tried Tullimore but have been thinking about it, my standard is Bushmills. Also been thinking of trying some Black Bush.

Don't try to change the subject.....

That could be construed as so politically incorrect...

But any who, Tullimore D.E.W. is really too smooth and does not at least to me have quite enough complex flavors.... I like it and will have some on occasion but for me it's mostly either Wild Turkey (80 proof) or when the occasion calls for it Jefferson's Reserve. Dang it, now I've got to go see what each says about themselves.....

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Originally posted by Blume9mm:
I gave my wife a 12 year old bottle of Tullamore D.E.W. for Christmas.... this is some very fine Irish Whiskey...
...
It's damn good stuff, but to me it taste like whiskey.

I drink the plain old "original" on occasion. It's pretty good for a mere $25/fifth.

Looks like the minimum price for that 12 year in Michigan is $55 or so. I wonder if it tastes twice as good as the original?

Whisky/Whiskey tasting notes aren't entirely bullshit, but some carry their "notes" to excess.

But on the other hand, a review stating "It taste like whiskey - Blume9mm", it doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

I mean, it's no secret that you can taste different flavors in different alcohols whether it be wine or hard alcohol.

However I don't usually put much stock in alcohol reviews, unless they all state that it's shit or that it is very good. I just drink what I like.

I wonder how they'd describe that clear stuff in that fruit jar.

They'd have to write damned fast, because most of the evening after we got into that was just a blur.

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Originally posted by whanson_wi:
I wonder how they'd describe that clear stuff in that fruit jar.

"Tastes like burning. Don't remember much else" -dsiets.

i love reading the whiskey reviewers websites. it's so bizarre. how the fuck can you get all that from a sniff of booze.

I did have one scotch in korea that straight up tasted like I figure a pine cone would taste. I wonder if thats in the review.

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Originally posted by PorterN:
i love reading the whiskey reviewers websites. it's so bizarre. how the fuck can you get all that from a sniff of booze.

I did have one scotch in korea that straight up tasted like I figure a pine cone would taste. I wonder if thats in the review.

Very similar review from my girl friend regarding my gin and tonic.
She didn't like it much and said it was like drinking a Christmas tree.

I'm sure a gin snob would have a lot more to say, but in keeping with the spirit of this thread I really can't imagine describing it better.

My wife and I took our first winery tour a few years ago. We had a lot of fun and learned a lot. We’ve taken a few more since.

But it seems like every wine is “complex, yet with subtle undertones”. Whatever the hell that means...

I bartended for awhile. Could never figure out why someone would pay top shelf prices, for anything being mixed. Especially vodka.

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Originally posted by Steve Collins:
And the same writers also come up with the grandiose names for new housing subdivisions!

No, no, no, that's the double secret developer multi-wheel pinwheel of names. Innermost pinwheel is woods, heights, hills, shore and ridge. Middle pinwheel is north, east, south west, wind, ocean, lake and mountain. Outermost wheel is whispering, blowing, sun, moon, cactus, pine, palm and long grass.

Spin the wheels and that's the name of the development.

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Originally posted by dsiets:

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Originally posted by whanson_wi:
I wonder how they'd describe that clear stuff in that fruit jar.

"Tastes like burning. Don't remember much else" -dsiets.

Friend of mine who makes a small batch of untaxed alcohol every once and a while really got a kick out of my pointing out how ridiculous this D.E.W. description was and wrote his own review of his latest product. Here it is:

"Sheep Dog Shine is made to keep your coat nice and bright. It has a nose like a dog and will remind you of spent gun powder and sweat. The taste is of fresh shot game bird blood and lead pellets. The after taste is of course of sweat and blood from the years of trial and tribulation in watching over the flock. Don’t miss the hint of wood smoke added in."

I'm going to dinner at a friend's house next week.

I need to memorize a really snobby sounding but totally bullshit description for the wine that will be served.

We have an inventive group here on SIGforum, so any neat phrases that you want to contribute for this event (my 81st birthday) will be appreciated.

Much as I like Blume9mm's moonshine description, I need something that sounds more like a snobby wine review.

Linseed oil?

Here you go, V-Tail.

It's a cheeky little North Coast cab, with pretensions of greater things; subtle hints of vanilla and tobacco kiss the palate at inception growing into waves of robust fruit and tannins capturing the essence of the strong cabernet grape, with noticeable earth and oak undertones. At the dry finish, graced with notes of rich blackberry, one is reminded of the parched hill sides on which this grape grows, competing with wild fruits for its sustenance. Pairs well with beef and lamb; sophisticated but not pretentious. A solid 91

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Originally posted by ArtieS:
Here you go, V-Tail.

It's a cheeky little North Coast cab, with pretensions of greater things; subtle hints of vanilla and tobacco kiss the palate at inception growing into waves of robust fruit and tannins capturing the essence of the strong cabernet grape, with noticeable earth and oak undertones. At the dry finish, graced with notes of rich blackberry, one is reminded of the parched hill sides on which this grape grows, competing with wild fruits for its sustenance. Pairs well with beef and lamb; sophisticated but not pretentious. A solid 91

Of course, there are your Australian Table Wines...

"A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity, as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palette, but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

'Black stump Bordeaux' is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good 'Sydney Syrup' can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines.

'Chateau Bleu', too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

'Old Smokey, 1968' has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian wino society thouroughly recommends a 1970 'Coq du Rod Laver', which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this, and you're really finished -- at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is 'Perth Pink'. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is BEWARE!. This is not a wine for drinking -- this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is 'Melbourne Old-and-Yellow', which is particularly heavy, and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of 'Chateau Chunder', which is an Appalachian controle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation -- a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a 'Hobart Muddy', and a prize winning 'Cuiver Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga', which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit."