|His diet consists of black|
coffee, and sarcasm.
If a running car has been left outside, do NOT use it to make your escape! Hide behind the racks of chain saws instead.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but hollowpoints expand on impact.
Don't get lost
Don't have sex
Don't do drugs
Don't go anywhere in the dark
Don't stop for gas at chancey looking gas stations (and if you do - don't go wandering around - just stay by the pump.)
AND - if you do that "nuke from orbit" thing; the radioactivity will just create an even worse monster than the one you killed and shredded and nuked.
|There is a world elsewhere|
stick close to the goody goodies and virgins, they seem to not attract the bad guys. Either that or be with the comic relief guy, he tends to last almost to the end.
Don't be the that guy, the asshole. They die off fast.
A well balanced breakfast being necessary to the start of a healthy day, the right of the people to keep and eat food shall not be infringed.
If you are in bed frolicking with a gorgeous, smoking-hot woman and she suddenly stops what she is doing and says she has a surprise for you and GETS OUT of bed to get it, you are dead.
Stick close to the hot "girl you wished lived next door" virgin chick. With this plan you are at least assured of being one of the last ones killed or driving off with the girl after she has killed the bad thing.
If you're car breaks down, do not under any circumstance accept a ride from a stranger and never, ever go to a house out in the middle of nowhere to ask for help. In addition, never investigate strange noises or lights. If anything seems weird or out of place, run like hell and always be prepared to mercilessly kill anyone or any thing that even looks cross eyed at you.
No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.- Mark Twain
|Delusions of Adequacy|
If you find a book written in a strange script... don't try reading it.
Always make sure your phone is charged and has signal.
You’re always taking a chance when showering in a motel room.
I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
No matter how fast they can run they always fall down.
"Even if the world were perfect it wouldn't be." ... Yogi Berra
Do not send the infantry or worse yet National Guard to defend the city against the monster.
"Look around. Female capitalists do well. Black capitalists do well. Hispanic capitalists do well. Those socialists, not so much, so often. There isn’t enough free shit to go around, and never will be. "--Jim Allen, sage
|Never miss an |
opportunity to STFU
If there is an Asian person in the movie, they will be the first to die.
Never be more than one step away from your sword-Old Greek Wisdom
Link to original video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySZnINSPsC4
"My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them." Winston Churchill
|Page late and a dollar short|
Stay out of small independent motels on highways bypassed by the freeways.
If you are a member of the New Mexico State Police and you get an invitation to go to Los Angeles to chase giant ants it's not a good idea to accept.
Flying on a commercial airliner during a thunderstorm it's probably not wise to look out the window, keep the shade drawn, order a drink or two and read a book instead.
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