quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:

quote:

Originally posted by kz1000:
If I wanted to hear from a asshole I would have farted.


If I wanted any shit out of you I'd squeeze your head.

US Navy variant: "If I wanted any shit out of you, I'd screw the top off yer head and dip it out."

If I wanted any lip out of you, I'd scrape my zipper.

quote:

Originally posted by 2012BOSS302:

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:

quote:

Originally posted by kz1000:
If I wanted to hear from a asshole I would have farted.


If I wanted any shit out of you I'd squeeze your head.

US Navy variant: "If I wanted any shit out of you, I'd screw the top off yer head and dip it out."

If I wanted any lip out of you, I'd scrape my zipper.

If I wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you.

Your breath stinks - you are clearly full of shit.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
Fuck you.

Pretty much covers most situations...

This.

Only one I remember is "I've been called worse by better"

a friend of mine was threatened "I am going to kick your ass!"

his response " go ahead...the only thing stopping you is fear and common sense!!"

I laughed my ass off. Of course you had better be willing to back it up if you use that one lol

my wife "I am going to smother you in your sleep!"

me "Don't threaten me with a good time!"

quote:

Originally posted by Oz_Shadow:
Only one I remember is "I've been called worse by better"

My comeback to that?

"And, they were right!"

Just a big ole yawn

"I'll have your job!"
"You couldn't handle it."

"I'm not going to waste any more time arguing with you because I know I'm right."

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong

quote:

Originally posted by Oz_Shadow:
Only one I remember is "I've been called worse by better"

"I've heard worse from people I respect"

To a sailor with less than two years in navy and on his first cruise:

"This is my seventh cruise and I've been in navy 22 years so please, by all means, tell me how it works out here."

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you
Go fuck a goat
Your mom dropped you on your head a lot, didn't she?
in reply to "don't get smart with me" Well, don't get dumb with me...

And finally, when confronted with just sheer stupidity, I like to tell people "I could stand here and argue with an idiot, but you'll just drag me down to your level and beat me with experience" and watch their face get all "huh, WTF?"

True story. But first, some context:

My sister-in-law, the only unmarried one of my wife's 4 sibs, is very tall (like 5'11" when her parents are 5'8" and 5'2"). She's blonde by choice, wears big heals all the time, and basically likes being very tall.

My brothers are 6'3" and 6'2". I'm 5'10" like my Dad and that was after growing 2" in college. So I'm a bit sensitive about my height.

My SIL once commented, like 20 years ago when my wife and I were not yet married, that she " wears high heels to weed out the insecure guys."

This irritated me a lot, and I immediately responded with "So Rachel, you're the only unmarried one, how are the guys weeding you out?"

Best come back ever. My soon to be wife and SIL shot me a look of pure evil. Hah!

Coworker friend: "Tsk! You men! You'll nail anything with a pulse!"
Me: "I don't need them to have a pulse."

I'm usually partial to one of the following:

** did that new ointment help the rash down there?"

** did you get pegged last night?; cuz yer asshole is whistling dixie."

** stolen from Jack Palance -- "I shit bigger than you."

Someone said to me once, " I dont mean to be an asshole but..."
I said "Nah you were just born one"

quote:

Originally posted by LS1 GTO:

To a sailor with less than two years in navy and on his first cruise:

"This is my seventh cruise and I've been in navy 22 years so please, by all means, tell me how it works out here."

"How long you been in the Navy, Son?"

"All fucking day, Chief."

-----------------

When offered advice by Seaman Staynes: "Boy, I got more time in the head than you have in the Navy."

quote:

Originally posted by tatortodd:
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong

I think my previous boss said this to me once.

Oh yeah???

If I'd wanted unsolicited advice, I'd have asked for it.