I should explain what happened a little better, it's a great story, I call it "The Assassination of ThunderDumplin by the Coward Kevin and also John by the Rest of Us."

Before I start I need to remind y'all that this is a mod, made by some dudes in their spare time for fun, so it's glitchy and bugged, sometimes things run smoothly and sometimes your car just explodes, like what happened to us and brought us to this predicament, our Humvee just randomly exploded and I lost my sweet Soviet cop uniform.

So we all spawn back in, Thunder and I at one city, Kevin, Godsmoke and this other guy at another, Nala went back to Ewok Village 2000 to work on it. The plan was to meet up, Thunder and I was scav in this city, they would scav in that city and then they'd come get us because they had a vehicle.

Almost right off the bat I find a bright red Chevy SUV in mint condition, right off the boat destined for some Russian gangster's collection when the zombpocalypse hit. I take it and roll over to Thunder camped out in a power plant, full of fat loots, suppressed pistols and the like, important tools for a lineman.

About this time the other group shows up and we decide to head down the coast, do some scaving/raiding, we got a big enough crew, couple vehicles, OK weapons and we'll probably find some better ones on the way, so we blast off down this coastal highway, Thunder and I in our bright red rocket, them in a matching gray SUV, just lookin' good. You don't wanna fuck with us. I mean you could, we'd probably get smoked, but we look like we know what we're doing and that's an important thing to have in the jungle, if you just look like you can fuck up everything in your path then the other chimps will stay out of your way.

We're motoring along when all of a sudden our SUV is careening through the air and the gray one is just stopped in the road. We land and can't move, our right front tire is shredded, just gone, same with one of the tires on the SUV. Da fuq? We get out and look around. There's a boulder in the road. Nobody saw it, but here's this big hunk of rock clipping through the asphalt or whatever they use for roads over in that hole. Obviously this is a glitch, but I'm gonna RP it like this is meant to be. Shitty Slavic construction practices, amirite? "Theys tolds us to builds roads! Said nuthinks abouts movings no rocks!"

Thunder gets his toolkit out, he's gonna salvage tires from the red truck and ends up destroying them, not his fault, just a mechanic of the game, there's a chance to break what you try to salvage off vehicles. With the tires broke, we head off to this construction site across a field, it's usually got some good gear, might get a tire. Not this time, our luck just isn't panning out this morning, found a lot of junk over there, about the only thing was a hunting knife, useful for butchering any animals you kill as well as zombies, in the trade cities there's a guy who buys zombie bits for "research" but I suspect he's looking to open a chain of chow mein stands throughout Chernarus.

Thunder is a little more experienced, having followed Nala around as she carves a swath of destruction and murder across the countryside, so he takes the lead into the city. It's dangerous in there, if you're not careful the zombies can sneak up on you, shouldn't be too much trouble since there's a squad of five of us, so the real danger is other survivors. Better equipped outfits like to hunt Bambi's on the coast, Bambi being derogatory slang for new players.

At the edge of the city we came upon another small construction site type area and a jail, we find some serious hardware here, including the suppressed PP19 sub-machine gun in my hands. If an AK and a Calico bumped gun uglies, the result would be the PP19, it looks like a little AK, but instead of the familiar curved box magazine it's got a helical mag going forward under the barrel like a grip, it holds 64 rounds helping to make up for the fairly weak 9mm Makarov chambering. Essentially we're really a force to be reckoned with, assault rifles, sub-machine guns, most of them supressed, we can can care of whatever problems arise. Like the A-Team.

Moving on we find a bus that fucko wanted to bring up to our base in the hills. Big ol' city bus, like balls it' gonna make it up them dirt roads, not to mention being a giant, gleaming target that's hard to hide. Anybody flying by or driving along will be able to see it and know there's some cool stuff up there, otherwise who the fuck would steal a bus? However, it's in acceptable condition, so we drive it back to the SUVs.. Of course, this being a mod and filled with wonky stuff, the bus, a regular sized city bus, only holds two people. No matter, the SUVs are just down the street, so we motor over, the rest of the squad hoofs it and we set to work salvaging the bus like a bunch of Puerto Ricans.

All this while zombies shuffle around us, the more people in a town the more zombies will spawn, it's a good indicator that someone is in town or has recently drive through if you get there and find a whole mess of them shambling about. Because of this fucko decides to start shooting them, with his unsuppressed revolver and Winchester. Gunshots just call more zombies as well as alert other survivors, both bad things.

Thunder gets the wheels off the bus, they're rather messed up but they ought to be enough to get us back to base, resupply, rearm and go out for some more scaving, right? Of course not, the universe has a boner for us, visiting bad karma at every turn. One of the tires is flat, you simply cannot drive on flat tires, your car will sort of flop around. Meanwhile, outside the SUV a crowd is gathering and these boobs are trying to have a discussion about what to do. What do we do? We fucking abandon the car and run, the zombies aren't a big threat, but they box you into a car and you're done for.

We bailed out and made a run for the construction site again, Thunder's plan was to roll back into the city, Blitzkrieg styles and secure a vehicle/s so we can make a run for it. This would not happen. Somehow Thunder got separated from us and went around a hill, Kevin looked and saw him in the distance following us and asked, "Who's that in the field?"

I turned to look and got a bead on him, "I don't know, who's out in the field? Who's not here?"

Just as Thunder answers that it's him, Kevin fires off a quick two shots, to be fair to him, as soon as he fired I also fired, I may have landed a hit or two, but Kevin's shot to Thunder's dome is what put him down. The body and limb shots could potentially be survived, we had some medical supplies, but here a headshot is fatal.

Now Thunder is yelling, "It's me you fucks! You fucking killed me! You fucking shot me!"

What do you do in that situation? You say, "Oops." And then take his shoes. This is where Kevin made another serious mistake, instead of looting Thunder's body, he buried it. Once a body is buried you can't loot it, so all the cool stuff he had, weapon, toolkit, all that, is now worm food.

I look at the remaining group, a bunch of drunks and degenerates and masturbators and it dawns on me, I've got to lead them back to base. The guy who can't read a damn map is now the captain of this crew. Luckily we're not far, and Nala has said she's gonna come down to us, she needs a crowbar anyhow to continue work on Ewok Village 2000.

It's not smart to walk in the road, you're raised up and anybody can see you, not to mention if you do hear a vehicle coming you can't just go prone, so I take us out into a pasture along the road, bunny hopping between farmhouses and barns. The plan is to get up into this town just ahead and wait for Nala. It's a good plan, the town butts up against the forest, if trouble comes we can retreat into the hills where it's harder for an attacker to follow, as well as giving us cover and concealment to return fire. If they want our shoes they'll have to earn them.

Aside from the car crash and manslaughter, it's a nice day, just hiking through this field. The sun is over the ridge in front of us, the grass is swaying in the breeze, a couple miles to our right is the ocean. You can almost feel the breeze, smell the grass and saltwater, the pines in the hills. Nature Walk: The Game.

The peace is shattered by the sound of a car, "Car coming, everyone down, go prone. Down, down, down! Don't shoot, just hide."

Trundling down the road is the Funbulance, it must be Nala! "Hey, stop, Nala, you just passed us, back and to your right!"

"Where?" she asks.

The Funbulance stops and starts backing up, so we run out into the road to meet her, she's honking the horn, which is weird because she's a stickler for sound and light dicipline. We run up to the Funbulance and she's still honking.

"Nala, you can stop honking," I say.

"I'm not honking."

"Oh, must be a glitch or something, so you brought the Funbulance."

"I didn't bring the Funbulance. I'm on a dirtbike."

A moment passes, we've surrounded this ambulance and the guy is still honking, I give the order, "Fuck, kill it," and we unload into this poor guy's head.

That's how we murdered John. We don't know who he was, he claimed, in chat, he wanted to give us a ride, but now he was mad and we were assholes.

The others go about raiding his body so I took up a watch position a few meters behind the new Funbulance. Now, buzzing down the highway, here comes a motorcycle, probably Nala, but you can never be too sure, she confirms it's her, she sees us, sees the Funbulance, please don't shoot, but just in case I keep my sights on her chest.

We've all met up now, and with only two murders under our belts, good times. Nala says she's gonna lead us back to base, but first she's gonna take us on a tour of the city for all the sweet loots locations, I hop on the bike with her, the rest of the crew piles into the new Funbulance and we putter off. It's fairly uneventful, checked the jail again, got some more black guns. It's like Chuck Heston’s version of
heaven.

We're riding through the middle of town now and there's a car, with a real boy inside, driving right at us, I shout a warning, but it's too late, the cunt has run into us, my legs are broken, as are Nala's, we're laying in the middle of the street, surrounded by zombies, my PP19 is somehow now empty and I have no mags, all I've got is my suppressed Beretta M9 and this asshole is driving around the square to make a second pass on us.

By now though, the drunken masturbators have dismounted and are ready to fuck this guy right back. They open fire on his little taxi and it careens into a wall right in front of me, catching fire, he jumps out ready to fight, maybe gets a couple shots off before he's cut to screaming meat ribbons in a hail of automatic fire. It was John, coming for revenge.

The car explodes.

Now we gotta move fast, because he's gonna be back in thirty seconds. Sure, he's just going have the Makarov, but he's got nothing to lose. He could harass us, land a lucky shot, he could have friends or even just attract a group of better equipped assholes, like wolves smelling a fresh kill. Nala and I crawl the the Funbulance, in the confusion Godsmoke was killed as well, Kevin and fucko quickly strip him of his gear so we can give it back when he respawns and then we haul ass out of there.

John is pissed, yelling at us in chat, saying he's coming for us, he's gonna come kill us, Nala especially. She has that effect on people.

We don't want him to know we're leaving town, we want to keep him occupied in the city, thinking he's stalking us, I tell him, "We'll be waiting with bells on, you old whore."

"Leave it at that," Nala says, "we don't need to be going to war with half the server, our base isn't secure enough. No need to start a feud."

It should be noted,that Nala is driving and I'm sitting up front with her, while Kevin and fucko are laying down in the back of the Funbulance touchin' each other in ways that makes the baby Jesus mad. She and I ought to be back there, we got the broken legs. But all that is beside the point, we've escaped our nemesis John, climbing into the mountains back home to rest and recuperate with morphine. Delicious, Children's Chewable Morphine.

No one tells a tale like you ASG...


And, yes I'm aware of the tactical limitations of the bus, but i wanted a damn bus. You get the funbulance, i get the party bus.

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:
No one tells a tale like you ASG...


And, yes I'm aware of the tactical limitations of the bus, but i wanted a damn bus. You get the funbulance, i get the party bus.

Oh it was you who wanted the Funbulance? I thought it was that other guy, I gotta get the Mumble overlay working so I know which one of you preverts istalking. At least the Funbulance can hold four people.

Ya, it was me who wanted the bus. And as for the burying, that was unintentional. I was TRYING to click the wheel to loot him, but as i clicked, it also scrolled to bury.

With being on all night and morning I was low on sleep and high on alcohol....

Kevin

quote:

Originally posted by airsoft guy:


Hey Killer, what's one of those important rules of gun safety? Always be sure of your target and what's beyond it. Throberella had to die for your negligence. At least he didn't suffer much, what with his brains blown out, a good undertaker can maybe fix that hole and make sure his momma gets an open casket to see her baby boy one more time.

Also, just want to point out... That was a 75 meter shot on a running target... headshot no less.

quote:

Originally posted by arcwelder76:
Clearly I need to get on when you guys are on, so I can not be murdered. Also, it seems that I have been on servers when they've already been looted. I haven't found shit.

Running around with either no weapon, or a weapon and no ammo, and being killed by other players, gets old fast. I can evade the zombies easily enough, because they don't have guns.

If you can, try to find a melee weapon like an axe/hatchet. That lets you kill the zombies quietly and without wasting ammo.

Also, the different areas you are looting will significantly determine what you find. Finding an assault rifle in a residence is really, really, really rare. In Cherno for example (on the south coast) there are some military buildings. You'll find guns there, better ones.

Ammo is always scarce so I advise you to pick up any ammo you find, especially if you meet up with us and get back to the base. There's a shed there with all our ammo inside. Dump the ammo you don't need and take what you do need in return.

Kevin

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:

Also, just want to point out... That was a 75 meter shot on a running target... headshot no less.

Yeah, but he was running at us, not juking around avoiding our fire. Probably a good bet, at this point, that if we see someone running right at us in an open field he's probably friendly. Crouched behind a tree with a rifle? That's another story.

We're gonna have to do something about Mumble too. It was okay when there was just three or four of us, get above that and things start getting crowded. Might need to do squads in channels, with some sort of PTT to go out over all channels when needed without having to jump around from channel to channel.

Too funny...violate opsec, and you gots to die..

When we had 6 people it got kinda clunky.

4 is easily doable and probably 5 at a time is the max to have on the same channel without seriously reducing the effectiveness.

Probably best to get multiple channels that only the people in the immediate group use. (Three of us raiding us one city on one channel, three of us raiding another or back at base on another)

If we take a large group out, we can PROBABLY do more people if we maintain radio discipline better and not screw off as much as we (I) were doing...

Kevin

But screwing off and making dick jokes and being un-PC is why I get on the internet. Otherwise why don't I just go read a book or play with my cat?

quote:

Originally posted by airsoft guy:
But screwing off and making dick jokes and being un-PC is why I get on the internet. Otherwise why don't I just go read a book or play with my cat?

You aren't getting disagreement from me....

Good times had by all, except that I started and ended the evening getting murdered.

I spawn in a safe zone, and a random player is able to poision/infect/cripple me.

While laying about enjoying sunshine and awaiting rescue, someone is kind enough to drag me out of the safe zone and execute me.

Later on, when the server shits the bed, we all get scattered.

I cap the one guy who is hostile, and then get murdered again, because I have to type.

Fun times.

Why I spawned wearing a priest outfit after the server crash, I have no idea.

The dude I whacked must have killed a mess of people, because a zombie is what, 2? and he was 600.

Arc is an excellent example of why communication is key in this game, headsets are a must. He was trying to type that it was him, and then POP POP POP he gets murdered because he looked like he was trying to steal the wheels off our ride.

I wasn't there yet, as the server had just shit itself so I was hoofing it across a field, where I murdered one of the guys taking shots at the rest of the crew. He was dressed as a priest, not very Christian of him, sniping at some survivors like that.

Oh crap.... I'm thinking I should reinstall it... have no idea what "Mumble" is (sounds like TeamSpeak...)

-tom

It is like team speak

Things are gonna get even more cluttered around here. Gonna have to set up some channels.

Can you be in multiple channels at once?

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:
Can you be in multiple channels at once?

No, but there's a function to let one broadcast across all channels, usually reserved for admin purposes. We could maybe see about doing that. Something like that will be incredibly important soon.

I am the mad lumberjack.

You have a death wish.

Arc still doesn't have a headset, so we had him dress up like Evil Tom Petty so we could identify him and not accidentally shoot him in the face when he's farting around next top the cars. So we got a few of us raiding an airbase, it's off a ways from the regular beaten paths, but it's a hot spot for activity for all the fat loots you can pull out of there, assault rifles, fancy sniper rifles, occasionally, if you're real lucky, rocket launchers, stingers and land mines. Being up there you go on high alert, you could run into desperate Bambis who managed to sneak up there or well organized wrecking crews.

At some point on the drive up there, Nala found this fuchsia SUV that's been running around the server for a few days, changing hands since it's not owned so it can't be locked. We take it up there and park it, use it for extra storage, more fat loots and all that, she parks it somewhere and we go about scaving. Arc, at some other point goes back and gets the fuchsia SUV and drives it over to us. We all hear it and think, "oh fuck, raiders!" Put away your toy pistols and get out the artillery, prepare to defend the treasure!

We're shouting about it, asking who's coming, all while this loudly colored brick is barreling towards us, "Some faggot has stolen the pink SUV!" Then someone notices Arc isn't with us anymore and deduces that the person driving the truck is him. Again, another fantastic example of why immediate voice communication is absolutely necessary in this game, assuming you want to be anywhere near effective.

Still, Arc continues to have bad luck, today he got bugged into a wall or something and so Nala had to axe his crotch a question. Why specifically his crotch I don't know, but he geysered blood like a Japanese horror film.

I am very upset, someone stole my Tommy outfit. Nala and I were on a supply run into Chernogorsk, big city on the coast. We went down there for food and chainsaws for Arc. He discovered that chainsaws will not only cut trees down but it farts out lumber instead of piles of wood that must be crafted into lumber.

So she and I go in there as it's the middle of the night and there's only ten people on, should be safe. Well she got greedy and I got shot for it and our Humvee full of all our loot was stolen by this sopping wet cunt. The guy is what I like to call a poacher, he camps out waiting for new players, or Bambis, to come in and he murders them, usually while wearing a priests outfit. He and this other fuck ambushed us a couple days earlier and I shot him right in his face with my PP19. I get low framerates in the cities, like 10-14, so we can't be sure what exactly happened, but from my point it looked like he just appeared in front of me and before I could do anything he headshot me, it didn't even say what I was killed with. There have been questions of his legitimacy, but I don't like to throw around the "H" word with any seriousness, there's usually some good explanation for how you got killed. Most hacks, in my experience, is just knowing tricks the other player doesn't know.

Needless to say we're going to fuck him right up anyway, a campaign of terror will commence as soon as we can find us some land mines and his base. We believe it to be somewhere near our base and the server admin is on board with our plan as he looks down on those who intentionally poach Bambi players. What he's doing isn't specifically against the rules, but it's a major dick move and could drive new players from the server, and possibly the whole game. It's already difficult and frustrating enough without some griefer fucks taking advantage of a player's unfamiliarity with the game.